


When Johnny Comes Marching Home

by Zexionienzo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-08
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-11-28 15:51:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 53,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/676167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zexionienzo/pseuds/Zexionienzo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John, once a child on Alternia, is kidnapped and taken back to his "home" planet, Earth. But he doesn't belong there either. What happens when he's reunited with the trollie friends of his youth? Will the terrifying Condescension find out he's back, or will be able to stay in the shadows and out of her sight? A/N: This is a fic that i have on fanfiction.net, I just decided to post it here to. Hope you enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

The night sky is dark and yields no notion for stars or moons. The rain pelts at the window of the hive relentlessly. Laying at your door step is a wriggler. But strangely, it is unlike any wriggler you have ever seen. It is pink, not grey. And it has four legs, not six. Its cry is unlike that of any wriggler you’ve heard before, soft and wailing. You do not usually consider taking in wrigglers. They are not something you’ve ever liked, too much sweat and blood in your personal, beastly opinion. But the _flying fuck_ it won’t shut up. It’s face and body is wet, the blankets around it soaked through from the rain. Its pink little face is red from crying and the cold. You step outside, the pelting water not bothering you as you look back and forth down the way for any sign of the despicable excuse of a troll or lusus that left this poor thing here on _your_ door step of anybody’s.

            You are _not_ kind of heart, never have been. But something inside you tweaks, turns, and pulls at your infamously darkened heart. The little wriggler’s eyes open suddenly, and you are startled to find them the color of a stormy ocean. Never before have you heard of a wriggler with such color to their veins. Sure, there are blue bloods. But that’s _blue_ colored…not this ocean shit. You have no idea what to make of it, but _gogdammit_ those eyes are fucking staring at you now, and the little wrigglers bottom lip is puffing into an adorable _as fuck_ pout. You notice it doesn’t have any teeth, another strange thing. Sighing heavily, knowing this little freak has won you over; you pick the thing up and carry it into the hive. You suppose the first thing you should do is make it warm. It’s kinda cold. So you go through the necessary preparations and wrap it up all cozy and shit and hold it. The thing is still whimpering though, and you feel your heart squeeze a little, an altogether foreign and not entirely unpleasant feeling. Maybe it’s hungry. You look in the food preparation room and select a green stringy object that looks good and healthy. You try to feed the thing, but the little wriggler just looks at you like you’re an idiot. It can’t chew that thing, what the hell were you thinking? Stupid. You look some more and find a white liquid in the freeze-box, that looks nutritious, right? You then have to invent the task of feeding this little thing. You sigh. Being a custodian is a lot harder than even _you_ thought. You put the little wriggler down on the table and look for something that will work. Lucky for you, there’s a turkey baster in one of the drawers. You take that and fill it with this white shit, and proceed to take it to the little pink things’ mouth. Annnnd you have a success, although you take note that the white stuff is pretty freakin cold and that maybe next time you have to feed this little shit you’ll warm it up. As the little wriggler suckles down all of the food, you see its bright, bright eyes slowly start to get sleepy, its lids drawing closer and closer to a close. You feel your lips turn up slightly as the little wriggler pops the turkey baster out of its mouth, moves around a bit, and falls gently into sleep. You put the feeding instrument down and carry the little thing into the lazy-room, the one with the moving-picture screen, and make a small nest out of blankets to lay the thing in. As the wriggler moves a bit in its slumber, you take inventory of what’s happened to you. You have adopted a wriggler, although it is the strangest fucking wriggler you’ve ever seen in your life, but the fact that it’s survived despite its abnormalities proves to you that it’s strong enough to live a life on this monstrous and violent planet, regardless of the shit you’re going to get because of it. Looking over at the strange wriggler, which you are deciding is less like a wriggler, or any kind of troll for that matter, than anything you’ve ever seen. You decide to call it Johnny. It’s a weird fucking name, and you know it. But you see it fit, considering this is one weird fucking wriggler.

You have just become a Lusus to the strangest wriggler to ever live on Alternia.

You have no idea what you just got yourself into.

Future you, once Johnny and the other young trolls obtain the ability to speak, is called Imp Horned Lizard, or to your strange little troll, simply, Impdad.

***

            “Arrrrrrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!” You are roughly three sweeps old and currently attempting to put your Lusus back in your hive and out of the public eye. Not that there IS much public eye in the middle of the woods next to a waterfall, but still. Impdad is sure to pull some kind of prank on your friends once they arrive for the aligned date of play, but you want that job for yourself. Your pink lips form your devious prankster smile as you prepare the trap over the door and await your friends’ arrival. Today your bestest buddies Karkat and Terezi are coming over for a jolst of pranks and games. It is going to be a fun-filled day.

            Your Lusus doesn’t usually let you play with your friends, but you don’t really know why. You _are_ a bit weaker than them, and when they play roughly, you usually end up with some pretty bad scratches, but they always heal.

“Hey John-” but the little pieces of asparagus fall from the ceiling, cutting your friend off as he walks through the door. His expression, you decide, is simply priceless. You fall to the floor in a hysterical fit of giggles; rolling around like the goofball you are, oblivious to your friend’s irritation.

“Hahaha, very funny Johnny.” Karkat grumbles as he stalks through the door, little pieces of asparagus sticking in his hair. You get up as Terezi walks through the door, taking a huge whiff of the world around her.

“Yup, I can just smell the prankster in the air. Good one, Johnny!” Terezi cackles at your joke, and it makes you happy that someone appreciates and understands your sense of humor.

            Several minutes into the group play date, Karkat is stomping around your hive grumbling and wiping slime off his face after Terezi licked his face.

“Come on, Kar~ tell meeeeeeeeeeee!” Karkat growled at the troll girl and barred his teeth.

“Shut up!” he proclaimed with exasperation as he stormed out through the door. But you don’t want Karkat to leave yet, he’s your best friend, and you don’t get to play with him often.

“Wait! Karkat!” you scramble to your scrawny feet and fly out the door, but being as clumsy as you are, tumble down the steps, past a grumbling Karkat, and land painfully on the grass below you.

            Whimpering, you sit up. You rub your aching elbows and knees. The other trolls that you know are stronger than you are, and wouldn’t have been hurt very much from that fall, but for you it hurts. _A lot_. You look down at your knees when you feel something warm and wet, and discover the blood. You sigh and take off your shirt, pressing it to your scratched knees as Karkat runs over to you, crying out for Terezi to “get her big butt out here”.

“Here, Johnny, let me help you.” Karkat says softly as he gently takes your hand and removes the cloth. But as soon as Karkat sees your knees his eyes widen to the size of dinner plates.

“Y-you’re blood…” he whispers in awe. Suddenly, you remember something. Your blood is weird. You remember one time when you went to get food for you and your lusus, when another troll, an older one, started chasing you and calling you “freak”. You fell and scraped the palms of your hands, and then when the troll was over you, and you held your hands up to protect yourself, the boy had gasped and stepped back from you, eyes disgusted.

“You’re even more of a freak than I thought. You’re not worth my time.” Your blood had saved you then, but there’s no telling that it could save you now- save you from the judgment of your friends, the only people who didn’t care that your skin was pink, not grey, and that the only horns you had were in your bedroom, attached to a make-shift hat that you wore whenever you knew you might come into contact with other trolls.

            Karkat stares at your bloodied knees, and then back up to your eyes full of fear, and then back at your knees.

“B-but that’s….that’s impossible!” he murmurs with astonishment.

“I thought….I thought I was the only one and….and your eyes!!! They’re BLUE! This isn’t right, this isn’t right…” Karkat muttered to himself, shaking his head. Terezi finally came out of your hive and leans over you, sniffing the air. Suddenly, she stops and her mouth turns up into a smirk.

“Well, well, well. What a wonderful surprise Johnny-boy~ you really are an odd one.” With that, the girl reaches out her hand for yours, and you take it great fully, trembling. Karkat’s eyes are still wide with shock, and Terezi just can’t seem to stop smiling, which you find odd.

“Can we go back inside now? I should clean up.” Karkat shakes his head and stands up, walking back in through the door and sitting down in the food-prep room while Terezi goes to the lazy room and finishes her court hearing with your stuffed, long-eared creatures.

***

You were sleeping soundly in your nest of blankets and stuffed blankets that are fluffy and soft, when your lusus barges into your room on all fours full of rage and panic. You sit bolt upright and crawl over to him, trying to calm him down. But nothing works. He bites at you and growls, his head fully fanned out in predator mode. You know some things wrong, and you decide the best course in action would be to investigate. So you rummage around your room until you find your “Troll Hat,” stuff it over your head, and put on your creep shoes, perfect for the prime spying you plan on enrolling in just a few moments.

            You creep past your lusus, who is still going berserk, and crawl down your stairs to the first floor of your hive. You hear deep, low voices, which troubles you. Nobody has deep voices here; they’re all kids, right? Your only explanation is that an adult is here, which seems too impossible to be true, so you rule that idea out.

            You turn the corner of the wall and shuffle along the edge, making as little sound as possible. Suddenly something crashes to the floor, it sounds like it came from the food-prep room, and you make your way over there. You can feel your heart beating faster and faster as the voices get louder and louder, until you can hear what they’re saying.

“Well then how the hell could it have gotten here? Correct me if I’m wrong, but wrigglers can’t transport themselves through space, let alone _human_ wrigglers.” Your nose scrunches up at that. What’s a…“human” and why did that deep voice say it with such disgust in its tone?

“You expect me to know? All I DO know is that we have to get the little freak back to its’ own planet, Earth. And it lives in this hive. The lusus has already been drugged and taken care of; he should be scrambling around madly upstairs by now.”

            Suddenly, you feel sick. You’re trembling, and you are very, very scared.  They took out Impdad? How? Was that even possible? And now what were they going to do? The one guy said that this…“human” thing was at _your_ hive of all places, but that seemed improbable considering the only things living at your hive were you and Impdad. So why did these strange guys come to your hive in the middle of your sleeping hours, and hurt your lusus?

            And then, like the klutz you are, the table next to you that holds your favorite bowl knocks over, and the bowl shatters. You are frozen in horror; that was a very loud noise. Your cover has been blown, you know it. Right on time, three figures run into the hall to see what happened, and catch sight of you- trembling with fright in the dark corner you’d been hiding in. You look up to meet the eyes of these intruders, and what you find frightens you beyond belief. Three adult trolls, all with blue-colored eyes glaring down at you with disgust and malice.

“Well, well, well. Looks like we didn’t have to search very hard for the little freak.” The one in the middle says. The one on the right comes near you, and you cower in fear. What is he going to do to you? What have you ever done to be searched like this? The man takes off your hat and throws it to the side.

“Tsk. He doesn’t even have horns, what a disgrace.” You squeeze your eyes shut as tears drip from behind your lids. Why are you crying? What’s going on? Why are these trolls doing this to you? They _never_ come here, ever!

“Get over here, you little brat!” the troll on the left says, it sounds like a woman; her voice is higher than the others. When you don’t move, she growls and comes over to you, putting something over your nose and mouth. You struggle, but soon everything become blurry and you feel hazy, tired. Maybe you should just close your eyes for a little nap. That couldn’t hurt, right? And so, you fall asleep.

**BE THE SCARY WOMAN TROLL:**

            Ugh. Why? This is so pointless and stupid. The thought that this tiny, pathetic creature even managed to survive on this planet is a disgrace to all Alternia.  But regardless, you follow your leaders’ orders. You take the strange little thing in your arms and huff with annoyance as it cuddles against you in your sleep. What an odd fucking creature. What the hell.

            You take it back with you to your ship, the grandest in space. Your orders are to transport it back to space, so you put the little human on the Sendificator and press “go” in seconds; the little pink thing is gone from Alternia for good. Such a weird thing to have happened. You wonder for a moment how it could have gotten here, but then think better and just walk away, preparing for your next mission.

**BE THE ANGRY, ANNOYING ONE:**

 HEY! You’re not angry, OR annoying!!!!!!! Dumbass.  Today you and your… _friend_ , Terezi are supposed to go to your friend Johnny’s hive. He’s a pretty cool guy; you enjoy his company as much as you can when you hate everybody and everything around you. FUCK. WHY does Terezi keep fucking LICKING me?!?!?!? It is so fucking gross.

“HEY! Johnny! Open the fucking door before we freeze out here!” you won’t actually freeze, it’s not cold on this planet right now, but you know that will get him running to the door. You wait for ten minutes before you bang on the door again.

“OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR YOU BUTT HEAD!” there is still no reply. What the fuck, if this is another prank you are SO kicking his pink little ass.

“I’m opening the door, Johnny, if this is another prank, and I swear to all Alternia I WILL murder you!” You open the door, but nothing happens. No pranks, no falling greenery. Terezi slides past you and whiffs the air. She turns to you, surprised.

“He’s not here….but he was….and there were three other trolls here.” She murmurs quietly. You gulp. There were other trolls here? How? Nobody knew where Johnny lived except the two of you. Terezi walks forward and sniffs the air. She gasps suddenly and runs up the stairs, past a fallen table and a broken bowl-the one that you’d given to Johnny a while ago because you didn’t need it. You frown and follow Terezi up the stairs. Something isn’t right here.

            When you reach the top step, you find Terezi slumped to the floor in front of Johnny’s room, her eyes watering.

“This is unjust, this is horrible.” She whispers. Before you is Johnny’s room, but that’s not what it looks like. The place is a total mess, and right in the middle of it is Johnny’s lusus- Imp Horned Lizard. The poor beast is shivering in the pile of blankets that Johnny sleeps in, Johnny’s Troll Hat is in his mouth, and big, fat tears crawl down its face. Something has gone horribly, horribly wrong.

And Johnny is nowhere to be found. 


	2. When I'm Small

The sound of Dave’s snoring in the cot beside mine was tumultuous. His heavy breathing and sleep talking never failed to keep me up for hours on end/ while that kid acted all cool and chill like he hadn’t a care in the world, as soon as he went unconscious he was a snoring ball of butts. My own personal stay-awaker. Yes. That is a word.

            I looked to the clock on the bedside table that Dave and I shared to discover that it was 11:11 on a rainy Tuesday night. I sighed and rolled over. No point in making wishes now when everything I’ve ever known and wished for simply crumbled in my hands or didn’t come true. In forty-nine minutes I would be eighteen, an adult, and, legally, not a ward of the state. Tomorrow morning I would be handed a measly two-hundred dollars, my few belongings I had gathered over the past twelve years, and be kicked onto the streets in front of the orphanage I had been forced to call home for so many years.

            Gazing out the rain-pelted window, I recalled the first time I stepped into the orphanage-which happened to also be my very first memory. I was about six years old, and it was raining…just like it is now….

**/FLASHBACK/:**

            The water was soaking through my shoes, and I looked down at them, confused and shaking. Where was I? How did I get here? Who am I? The questions swirled through my brain and try as I could, not a plausible answer could be found. Eventually, someone discovered me soaking on the stoop and ushered me in.

“What’s your name, honey? Are you all right?” I looked up to the woman. She had pretty brown eyes and wavy blonde hair. I scrunched up my face in confusion. Her face looked so strange to me. Why was her skin so pink? Shouldn’t it have been a bit….darker? I frowned as I contemplated her questions. Other than being cold and wet, I seemed to be fine so I told her.

“And your name, sweetie?” she prompted, quickly pulling a blanket out of seemingly nowhere and wrapping it tightly about my shoulders. I frowned again and looked down at the cracked, old wooden floor.

“I….I don’t know.” I managed to whisper. The woman frowned and nodded her head before taking me to the nurse’s office to check for any problems.

**/END FLASHBACK/**

I don’t remember anything before that moment I was on the stairs in the rain. Any time I try to think past that moment, my mind is completely blank. Over the years I had been too many psychiatrists and doctors, all of whom tried and failed to staple a diagnosis for me. No missing person’s reports that matched my description ever turned up and I was declared a ward of the state with a severe case of amnesia. That first day of my life became my birthday, and the day I have always hated the most out of any other of the year.

            I turned over in my bed and closed my eyes, praying for sleep to befall me. Dave’s snoring and constant sleep-talking had finally ceased, and my eyes finally began to get droopy, my mind slowly but surely entering the realm of unconsciousness for a hopefully very restful sleep…

“JOHN. WAKE THE FUCK UP.” I was pounced on and tackled in my bed sheets by none other than my best bro Dave until I managed to groggily push him off and grab my square, thick framed glasses from the bedside table.

“Was it really that necessary for you to wake me up in such a manner Dave?” I grumbled as I began to get dressed. Dave just sat casually on the side of his bed, sun glasses in their usual place upon his nose, and shrugged.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Egderp.” I rolled my eyes and smiled slightly. Dave’s cool persona never failed to be a pleasant distraction from the real-life worries I went through every day.

“Sure. Whatever.” I rolled up a few things inside a large back pack and took out my few belongings in the bedside table. A plastic black comb, a Nic Cage auto biography Dave got me two years ago for Christmas (BEST. PRESEANT. EVER.), and a hat with holes cut in the side of it that I’d had for as long as I could remember. I sighed and placed all of the things inside the back pack before slugging it over my shoulder and turning to my best friend.

“All packed up, huh?” he asked with a smirk on his face. I nodded and started to walk away, trudging my worn shoes on the scuffed up, wooden floor.

“Wait….John?” I turned around and was attacked by the most suffocating hug I had ever received, from none other than the pleasantly cool albino I called friend.

            I returned the hug with full force, squeezing my bro’s shoulders tight and rocking back and forth.  I could feel Dave’s frame shaking slightly and I knew he was crying, which only made me want to cry even more than I already did, but I couldn’t cry. I didn’t want Dave’s final memory of me to be some snot-nosed, red-eyed asshole.

“Don’t….don’t be a stranger. Come visit me, got it?” Dave took a step back and looked at the floor, rubbing his eyes hidden by thick, black sun glasses with the edge of his red and white t-shirt. I nodded my head and gripped Dave’s shoulders, my heart pounding in my chest with the regret of having to leave my only friend behind on this frightful adventure.

“I will. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.” I said with a slight smile clouding over my watery eyes. Dave laughed half-heartedly and smiled bitterly up at me.

“Can’t promise anything Egderp.” I smiled wider and hugged Dave again.

“I know.” And with that, I turned to leave, for real this time, and walked out of the bedroom we had shared for the eleven years that I knew him-knowing deep down in my heart that I wouldn’t come back to visit, and that I would probably never see my best friend ever again.

***

“John Egbert.” I walked forward and handed the woman with brown eyes and blonde hair my papers. She wasn’t as nice now; she wasn’t as young either. The years had been cruel to her, as was evident in her deep wrinkles and saggy eyes. She looked through her glasses at my papers, shuffling through them as if they were the most worthless things in the world.

“Alright. Here you go. A car will drive you to your first job application and then to your temporary housing until you can’t get yourself on your own feet. Now get outta here.” The woman scornfully handed me back my papers and pointed a long, wrinkled finger to the oblique, wooden door. Very carefully, as if any step I took could shatter me whole, I walked to the door and placed my hand on the cold, copper knob. When suddenly the very door I had my hands on flew open and smacked me in the middle of the face.

“OW!” I yelped as I clutched my nose. The man that had opened it looked down at me.

“Oh man! I’m so sorry! I really didn’t mean to do that!” I looked up from my post on the floor. The man looking down at me had soft features, an almost comically large nose, and was wearing, quite oddly, all white clothing. White pants, white shoes, white shirt, and white fedora. I shook my head as I stood up, brushing off my pants.

“N-no problem. I’m alright.” I started to walk out the door, when I was stopped by the man’s hand on my shoulder.

“Wait, kid. Hold on a second. Look at me.” I frowned, confused and turned to look at this man. His eyes were seemingly blank and dull, as were the rest of his boring facial features. He striked me as a very plan kind of man, and I noticed that he stunk of tobacco and shaving cream.

“My. What beautiful blue eyes. Hmmmm.” The man said thoughtfully. In the middle of giving me the once-over, the man turned abruptly to the front desk and slammed his hands down upon it, frightening the poor old woman.

“I want him.” The man said, pointing directly at me without taking a second look. I gazed, wide eyed in shock at the man’s hand. What had he just said? The woman behind the desk looked equally surprised.

“Uh…um, I-I’m sorry sir, but today is this young man’s eighteenth birthday, he is no longer an occupant of this establishment.” The woman’s voice quavered. The man’s grip on the desk tightened as his voice darkened.

“I don’t want any of your other under-developed kids. He will do just fine, thank-you-very-much!” the man then slammed a brief case on the desk and opened it. I couldn’t see its contents, but the woman’s eyes widened further in shock, and then glazed over with joy.

“Oh, w-well of course, he’s yours then. John, John come here, please.” The woman said, waving me over with her wrinkled hand. I gulped and slowly walked over to the pair, hands trembling. This had never happened to me. I was always too weird, or too nice, or too buck-toothed, or too smart. Nobody wanted me. This couldn’t happen _now_!

            “John, honey. You are being adopted. Isn’t that exciting?” the woman’s voice rang with false happiness, and I gave her a gilded smile in response.

“Yes. Yes I suppose it is!” I turned to the man, whose features seemed slightly less boring than before, slightly darker and more…edgy. Something was off about this. But what? I couldn’t quite place it in my head.

“Alright. John, is it? Let’s get going!” the fedora-ified man (yes, also totally a word) grabbed my arm a bit roughly and walked me out the door and into the back of a black vehicle with tinted windows and leather seating.

            The car engine revved, and I was on my way to the first adoption that had ever taken place in my long, twelve years of orphaned life. The drive was long, and I watched through my tinted window as the tall building s and houses and offices and malls and parking lots flew by, eventually leaving behind the city in resort for an airport and a small suburban town.

“Um. Might I ask where we’re going?” I asked timidly from the back seat. The fedora-wearing man whom had quite illegally adopted me turned in his seat and gave a queer little smile.

“We’re going to the Mansion, my boy, were you will spend the rest of your pretty-faced life at the pleasure and expense of others.” And after that odd and confusing answer, the man did not speak a word to me.

            He bought us two plane tickets, to where I had not heard. We traveled through security and went to our boarding lane. We were in lane fourteen, and there weren’t that many people boarding with us. Suddenly, an announcement came over the loud speakers.

_“Plane boarding for Las Vegas, Nevada at lane fourteen, now boarding.”_ I gaped. I was going to Las Vegas? Gambling capitol, among other things, of the country, if not the world? My hands trembled slightly as I took my seat next to this strange man that I did not know, and was afraid to know more about. His tobacco breath washed over me and suddenly made me nauseous. What was I supposed to do in a situation like this? Where was this strange man taking me? Nobody in their right mind adopted an eighteen year old boy, it just was stupid. How could family ties be created that way? Unless of course…no family ties were sought…

            I turned my head out the window so that I didn’t have to look at this man, whom I was suddenly very afraid of. What could he possibly want with me? There was nothing I could think of that made any sense whatsoever. And the fact that we were traveling to Vegas was less than disconcerting, considering he must’ve traveled forever to come to an orphanage in Maine, just to adopt someone to take to Las Vegas? Weren’t their orphanages in Nevada?

            But I didn’t have anything to say or do on these matters, for the plane was soon taking off, taking me places I had never been before, places I didn’t wish to go, and there was nothing I could do about it.

***

            I must’ve fallen asleep at some point on the long and boring plane ride, for the man, who I realized was completely nameless to me, was suddenly shaking me roughly awake.

“Come on, kid. We’ve gotta go.” I groggily stood up and followed the nameless one out of the plane and out of the air port and into another black vehicle with darkly tinted windows. Again I sat, slumped, in the back leather seats staring out the window as palm trees, pools, casinos, houses, and strange people flew by. We finally stopped on the outskirts of the gambling district at a huge house. The entire building was painted black and white, with an iron-cast fence surrounding the perimeter. It grew higher than any house I had ever seen in my life, having simply to crane my neck in order to see the top of it. I gazed up with my back pack slung over my shoulder in awe.

_This is where I’m going to live?_ I thought with astonishment before being roughly pulled up the steps and into the houses large entry way. Within, the house seemed to hold the normal accommodation of any houses foyer, except of course, for the fact that everything was _huge_ , and seemingly over-sized. The man pulled me through the house, and I began to notice strange little things.

            The stairs were worn down quite a bit, as if many people had passed on them over the years, and strange noises were coming from the top floors of the house. There was no living room or family room or any kind of lounging area of any kind. There was, however, a large room with a built-in bar and a few chairs scattered about. Within there were a few disgruntled looking men in business suits and the like, holding little martinis and what not.

            I was shoved past this room and down a long, winding hallway to the back of the house. There, I came face to face with a large, black wooden door. I turned back to look at the man who had taken me this far, so far away from everything I had ever known. When we had first met, he seemed kind, and a miracle for wanting to take me under his wing of protection from the real world. But now….now I wasn’t so sure. His face seemed disgusted with me, and he pointed to the door with a shaky hand.

“There kid, get in there and don’t you even fucking dare think about coming out until you are told to. Got it? Now get in.” I gaped. What was this? Punishment? For what? I turned back to the door and gulped, placing a trembling hand over the knob. This situation seemed frighteningly familiar, and I opened the door, terrified as I was to discover what was behind it.

            I was met with silence and a small stairway going down. I looked hesitantly back at the man in the fedora, but he just growled and pushed me forward and closed the door behind me. I turned, now utterly terrified and began banging on the door with frightened fists.

“Open up! Let me out! Get me out of here!” I cried out, but my only reply was a string of curse words and a kick to the door on the other side. I banged my head on the door and slowly slid to the ground. What had happened? How did I manage to end up here, in some creepy old guys…what the hell was this anyways, his basement? I turned and looked down at the omniscient set of stairs. There was a hallway and a gloomy light, but I couldn’t see beyond that-and I didn’t want to. 

“Hey. What the fuck is this asshole sitting at the door way? Some freak trying to break in, huh?” I was suddenly lifted high off the ground by the back of my shirt and turned around. Facing the man who held me with terrified eyes, I shook my head fearfully.

“N-no! This guy…he adopted me, but I’m eighteen so he wasn’t supposed to, but he did! And then he took me on an airplane here from Maine, and I thought he just wanted to adopt me, but he brought me here and through me in this door and won’t let me out! And I don’t know what to do!” I cried, struggling against the man’s fist around my throat. The man grunted and dropped me.

“So new merchandise. Got it. Get over here kid, I’ll introduce you to Rose, she’ll show you the ropes.” Did….did this guy just call me ‘merchandise’? My eyes widened further behind my thick frames and I followed this strange, burly man down the stairs and into a doorway on the left that I hadn’t noticed before. Behind the door was what seemed to be an office of sorts. A girl, who seemed hardly older than me, sat behind the desk. She had pale skin, and short blonde hair that curled slightly at the ends. Her lips were painted black, and she was very pretty. I felt my cheeks tinge pink slightly and looked down at the floor.

“My. What have we here, Benjamin?” Rose said, looking up from some papers. Benjamin grunted and tossed me forward. I stumbled over my own feet and nearly fell onto the desk, but managed to catch myself in the nick of time.

“New kid. Just got here from Maine, has absolutely no idea what’s going on.” And with that, Benjamin left and closed the door behind him. As soon as he was gone, Rose let out a long sigh and rubbed her eyes with her hand.

“Please, please take a seat; I guess I have a lot of explaining to do, but first off, Hello. My name is Rose, Rose Lalonde.” Rose held out her hand and I took it in my own.

“Um. My name is John….Egbert.” I murmured quietly, twiddling my thumbs in my lap. Rose gasped and handed me a tissue.

“Poor thing, your cheeks are all red. Have you been crying?” she asked, face full of concern. I frowned and felt at my cheeks. They were wet, and my eyes felt droopy.

“Oh. I guess I have been…I hadn’t noticed. Thank you.” I said, taking the tissue and blowing my nose shamelessly. I gripped my knees and leaned forward. I was so tired and weary and confused, I just wanted to go to sleep and find out that this situation was all one big nightmare.

“Well, John. I guess it is my duty to tell you. Welcome to The Mansion, Las Vegas’ hottest, most prestigious club and pleasure palace.” Rose droned as if she’d said that hundreds of times. I frowned, confused.

“What’s a…a ‘pleasure palace’?” I asked with a hint of doubt in my trembling voice. Rose sighed again and pursed her lips together in frustration.

“You really do know nothing, do you John? This is a whore house. People come here, mostly men on business trips away from their old wives and happy families to have paid sex as well as other sexual favors. Do you understand now?” my eyes widened. Why the hell would I be adopted and taken to a….a _whore house_? My heart was beating wildly in my chest. Realization struck in my brain and I squeezed my eyes shut, my hands gripping tightly to my knees, as if that would save me from the horror that had befallen me.

“S-so….that guy with the fedora?” I asked my voice soft and trembling. Rose smiled bitterly and took my hand in hers, squeezing slightly.

“He’s the boss. He goes all around the world looking for new “merchandise”” Rose said the word with such distaste it made me shiver.

“He must have gone to Maine searching for a new boy; he might have had a request for one or some such. And you were the lucky punk that he chose.” I felt my cheeks flame up.

“Oh.” Was all I could manage. Rose chuckled.

“Don’t worry; he won’t be throwing you anywhere crazy soon. I’ll set you up with a room, you’ll have a roommate of course, and we can go from there.” And with that, Rose shuffled back into her desk chair and picked up a land line phone, and mumbled something into it. My gaze was glued to the floor, my body felt numb. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I was in complete shock. How in the world did I land here, of all the places in the world?

“Come on, John. I’ve got you all set up.” I followed Rose around robotically. I didn’t know what else to do, there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. We stopped in front of a door painted neon-green with a blue-sparkly door knob. I turned to her with a curious look, but she just shook her head. The door opened and a girl with long, wavy black hair and glasses answered. Her face was smiling brightly and her cheeks were dusted slightly pink.

“Oh! Hello Rose! Sorry if you were waiting long, I was in the middle of a nap! Oh wow, you must be John. It is very nice to meet you!” the girl gleamed bubbly, grabbing my hand and shaking it enthusiastically.

“John, meet Jade. She’ll be your roommate. I apologize I was unable to find an open bed for your to dorm with a boy, I hope this will do for now?” Rose looked at me questioningly. I nodded my head, refusing to say a word. Rose patted my back comfortingly.

“Good. Now Jade, this boy is in good need of rest, so don’t pester him too much. He’s new to this whole thing, and I’ll give you the next few days off to show him around and what not, alright?” Jade nodded her head eagerly and pulled me into her room. Rose waved me on and shut the sparkly door behind me.

“Wow! This is awesome, I’m so happy you’re here, I’ve been waiting for a roommate forever!” Jade gleamed and waved me over to a bed with green sheets and blankets.

“Here, this is your bed. Mine’s over here-” motioning to the other side of the room. “-and I’m going to be sleeping on it, I am dead tired, and I’m sure you are too. So go to sleep, and I promise I’ll answer any questions you have in the morning, okay?” I nodded, and she smiled wide.

“Good. Okay then, just set your stuff down where ever, change if you have to, don’t worry I won’t look! And hop into bed.” I sat on the bed and pulled off my shoes and placed my glasses on the bedside table next to the bed. I didn’t have the energy or the will power to change out of my clothes, so I just crawled into bed fully clothed.

            My name is John Egbert, a name given to me twelve years ago when I was found on the steps of an orphanage. Today I am eighteen years old, and I was adopted by a man in a fedora to perform “sexual favors” to strangers.

            When I closed my eyes for the night, they were filled with new tears. 


	3. Mr. Brightside

I awoke to the sounds of giggling and a slight pressure on my stomach. I groaned and rolled over.

“Daaaaaaaaaaave!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lemme sleep in five more minutes!” I growled into my fluffy pillow that smelled of lavender. Wait. Since when did I have lavender scented pillows?

“Aw, is Dave your booooooooooyfriiiiiiiiiiiiiend?” And Dave certainly didn’t sound like a girl. I turned my head to find Jade kneeling next to my bed, giggling and covering her mouth with her hand. My eyes widened and I sucked in a deep breath as the memories from yesterday washed over me. The sadness and grief pulled at my heart and I sat up, looking at my hands in my lap and trying not to cry.

“Aw, I’m sorry if I upset you, John! I was only trying to be funny! I guess it didn’t really work though, I’m sorry.” I felt Jade’s warm hand pat my back sympathetically as the pressure of the bed tilted sideways for her to sit on. I shook my head and rubbed at my eyes.

“No…it wasn’t anything you did. I guess I’m just….overwhelmed.” I said quietly. Jade nodded, knowingly and patted my back once more.

“I know the feeling. If you ever want to talk, about anything-anything at all- I’m right here for you.” I smiled lightly at her and nodded my head in thanks.

            With our serious moment over, Jade stood up energetically and clapped her hands together.

“Okay then! Why don’t you get dressed, and I can show you around! Don’t worry, I’ll make it as fun as possible!” she said warmly before walking out into the hallway to give me some privacy. I sighed and got up and changed into my clothes.

_Today is going to be a long day…_

            Jade, as soon as I’d stepped foot out the door, swiftly grabbed my hand and led me down the hall. People were starting to file out of their rooms with groggy expressions on their faces, dressed in completely normal clothes, all ranging in age from about eighteen or nineteen to their early thirties. I swiveled my head from side to side, catching glimpses of them all and taking everything in. the hall looked the same as it had when I first walked through it, except now it was filled with people and more brightly lit.

            “Here is the rec room; it’s where we hang out when we have free time and chillax with each other!” Jade giggled as we walked past the room. I looked inside to find people on their computers, watching TV, playing cards, and other normal, hanging out stuff. I turned back to follow Jade further down the seemingly endless hall. She showed me the kitchens, the mess hall, and the laundry rooms. She told me about everything that went on down in this hallway, nothing bad, nothing particularly exciting, simply people living out their lives.

            At the end of the tour, Jade took me back to our room and sat me down on my bed. I gulped, my heart thudding wildly in my chest. I had a feeling about what was coming next, and I could feel my cheeks heat up at just the thought of it.

“Have you ever had sex before, John?” I was surprised by her forwardness, and blushed much deeper than I would have liked to admit as I shook my head from left to right. Jade smiled and nodded her head knowingly.

“Neither had I when I came here. Don’t worry, it’s nothing special really.” I gulped. This was getting increasingly uncomfortable very fast. What Jade said next nearly put me over the edge.

“Are you homophobic?” I looked at her funny and shook my head. Where the heck could this be going? Jade shifted uncomfortably on her bed and looked down at the floor.

“Well that’s good, because men make up ninety-five percent of our customers, and quite a few like the boys. That would be you, John.” I froze. I felt a lump dig its way into my throat, and my body started trembling. I couldn’t handle this, it was too much for me to handle. I felt my eyes tear up again as my body shook, and my cheeks grew wet. Jade came over and set next to me, hugging my tightly. She shooshed and patted my head comfortingly, but nothing could’ve made me feel better at that moment.

            I would have to have sex with men, strange men that I’d never seen before in my life, against my own will. How had I ended up here? Isn’t this type of thing illegal? I covered my face with my shaking hands and sobbed into them. My body felt like it was going to break at any moment, like the breath of a wind would shatter me to pieces, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

_This sucks…_

***

            I don’t know how much time had passed before I was deemed ready to start working for The Mansion. Jade was a supportable roommate and helped through a lot over those days. When it was time for me to head upstairs for the first time in what felt like months, to finally see the sunshine, I felt exhilarated and nervous. I still didn’t think I was cut out for this sort of thing, but it wasn’t like I had a choice. I’d made a few friends in my time in the basement, including Rose and Jade, and three others named Jake, Roxy, and Jane. They were all very nice to me, and taught me some things that would help me out when I was “out on the field” as they called it.

            Roxy patted my shoulders drunkenly and smirked.

“You ready, kid? Today’s your big day! Time to make some horny men happy!” I smiled up at her and nodded my head, although the thought churned me the wrong way, and the butterflies in my stomach weren’t helping one bit.

            We went upstairs with a few other people, and into a dark room with no lights and no windows. I gripped at Roxy’s shoulder tightly and whispered to her, “What is this?” my heart was pounding in my chest. Roxy shooshed me and pushed me away from her.

“The big man’s going to introduce you to the customers, and they’ll bid on you to have a nice time.” I felt my cheeks heat up again. As I was pushed onto a stage and a bright spotlight split open the darkness and left me vulnerable to the eyes I couldn’t see. I had been given a huge, long tank top to wear that covered me down to my thighs and a pair of white underwear. I felt exposed and alone, but a familiar voice filled the room, and I searched over with wide eyes trying to find the source.

“ _Age eighteen, virgin, healthy, wide blue eyes, and jet black hair. The bids will begin._ ” I stood up onstage, trembling slightly as voices murmured through the room. I couldn’t tell if they were approving or scolding, but either way I felt like a deer caught in headlights. I looked from side to side, desperately trying to pick out a face, a figure, anything. Anything that gave some kind of hint that I wasn’t alone in this room, and I was going insane with voices in my head.

            Just as suddenly as the light broke the darkness, it went out and left me engulfed in darkness. I gasped as I was grabbed from behind and taken off the stage and pushed thoroughly into a red-carpeted hallway. There was a man dressed in a tux holding a silver tray. He bowed to me as I stepped into the brightness and rubbed my eyes.

“Sir, you are wanted in the Red Room.” And began to walk away. I frowned and followed him. Was this how it went? A butler took me to the man that…. Ugh. I shook the thoughts out of my head and quickened my pace.

            The red room was exactly as it sounded a large room with red furniture, drapery, and carpets. The butler dude walked me in and told me to sit on the bed while I waited for my guest. I nodded and the man closed the door. I gulped and walked over to my destination. The mattress was firm and the pillows plush. I sighed as I sat down. My hands were trembling with nervousness. I felt all jumpy. What was this guy going to be like? Was it going to hurt? If it did, would it hurt a lot? What would I say to him?

            My thoughts were crashed as the red-painted door creaked open and a tall man dressed in a grey work suit entered the room. He had dark brown hair on the top of his head, shiny black shoes on his feet, and a red tie tied around his neck that he began to loosen upon entering the room. I gulped as he looked up to me and smiled.

***

            There were so many. So many men. Big ones, handsome ones, ugly ones, small ones. The varying amount of closeted gay men that came to The Mansion was a bit over whelming, but I didn’t really mind. It was weird. I felt myself growing accustomed to this life style as the months went by, and eventually…I started to actually _enjoy_ it. I loved the pain that coursed through my body, the strangeness that I felt of another man being so close to me. Roxy and the others began to notice my change and joked with me about it.

“Awww, looks like the little kid finally went and grew a pair.” Jake cooed at me as he punched my arm playfully. I growled and punched him back, grinning.

“Better than a certain British man I know~” Jake scoffed and waltzed out, going to terrorize some cute girl.

            The days grew long, and the nights longer. Everyone was always so nice, always asking me if I was alright or how was I feeling. I would tell them, “I’m fine” or “okay” or “great”. But it was all lies. I missed Dave, and I missed being able to walk outside and let the sunshine bathe over my pale skin. I missed hearing and watching the rain patter against a window, or watching the sun set. I missed being _free_! I felt like I was caged in, unable to think for myself, do for myself. I wanted to get a job that didn’t include having some strangers dick stuck up my ass in the itinerary. The world around me felt like it was slipping through my fingers as if covered in oil; I couldn’t get a solid grasp on the things around me, I couldn’t hold them down. The small fact that I had actually began to _like_ it further frightened me. I knew that if I stayed for very much longer, I would likely stay here forever.

            One night, after I had gotten back from the Red Room, I found my room completely empty of Jade. I sunk down into my bed with a heavy sigh and pulled an arm over my eyes to block the light of the lamp. I felt so tired and empty. I felt hollow, like I could be blown over by the smallest of breezes. My mind was foggy, and I couldn’t think straight. I just wanted to feel _something_ , anything! This emotionless pit of an empty shell that was me felt horrifying. I didn’t want it. I lashed out frustratingly and felt my fingers graze something metallic on the bedside table. I glanced at the table to find my fingers gently grazing against a pair of scissors that Jade had left out from when she was making a birthday card for Roxy. My eyes widened as an idea came to my mind, and before I could clearly decipher the thoughts spinning through my brain and tell myself _no, absolutely not_ , the sharp blade was being dragged jaggedly across my arm, gently scratching the smooth surface.

            The feeling was sharp and stinging against my skin, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t intense enough so that it was the only thing I could think about, instead of the hollowness I felt inside. I did it. Again and again and again, until my arm had a nice, jagged mark that dribbled bright red blood down, down, down. My mind began spinning. _“Did I just do that? What was I thinking? What am I DOING???”_  My hands began to tremble slightly, but I started slightly lower on my arm. I needed more. I craved the pain that came from the sharp blades of the scissors; it filled me with feeling and intensity. It was almost pleasurable; it sent my heart thumping wildly in my chest and my mind reeling with ecstasy. There was no way I could stop this, it felt too good.

“JOHN! Oh my god, what are you DOING?!?!?!?!?” I looked up and leveled my eyes with the bright, worry-filled green ones that came into view. I gazed up at her, and finally stopped. The buzz slowly began to ebb away, but the stinging, throbbing pain in my arm felt so good it didn’t really matter.

“I dunno.” I mumbled as I put the scissors back on the nightstand. Jade gaped at me and looked down at my bloodied arm, wincing slightly.

“John, why did you do this?” she asked, turning around as she began rummaging through her first-aid kit she had hidden under her bed. I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at the mess I had started.

“It felt nice.” I whispered. I couldn’t speak loudly. I felt like I couldn’t; that if I did, I would shatter the stillness of the atmosphere. And that stillness…it was good. Jade wouldn’t look me in the face as she took out a long string of white bandages and began working on my arm. I watched her as she worked, and tried to hold down the trembles of pleasure as she wrapped the bandages painfully tight. When she had finished, she stood up and grabbed my face in her hands, forcing me to look up at her.

“Don’t do this anymore, John. Whatever is making you do this…it’s not worth it. It’s not worth it to hurt your body like this. Okay?” I nodded my head to make her feel better, and she sighed again.

“God I’m tired, I’m going to bed.” She mumbled as she went to turn off the lights. I turned and rolled into my bed, curling myself tightly together in a desperate attempt to simply hold myself all in. I didn’t want any part of me going anywhere anymore.

            Darkness enveloped the room, enclosing me in black. The absence of light felt eternal, heavy, impenetrable. It closed around me like a suffocating blanket, taking away my breath and my sanity. Jade’s words played through my mind as I slowly drifted off to sleep, clutching my arm tightly.

 _“It’s not worth it to hurt your body like this…”_ Well…I would have to disagree with that. 


	4. Mad World

_The boy’s skin was slate-grey. His fingers were gentle; a deep contrast to what the sharp nails upon them suggested they were intended for. I couldn’t see all of him. Just his fingers, like it was a block in my memory. His eyes…were piercing through me. The gaze I felt under his intense, blood-red eyes made me shiver. Why did he seem so familiar?_

_“John.” The boy’s voice sounded rough, like he’d been crying or screaming for a very, very long time._

_“John….John, please come home…” Home? What was “home” never had that been an existence for me. I had no inclination to what home felt like._

_“John! **Please**!” the boy’s voice underwent a strain of despair. His grip on my arm tightened slightly in his desperation, but just as suddenly as he was in my line of vision, he vanished into a cloud of slate-grey smoke, his image burned in my brain. _

            I awoke in a cold-sweat. The blankets were twisted around my body in a way that I felt I was cocooned. I took a shaky breath as I recalled the memories of my dream. Where had my subconscious ever come up with something like that? Who was this strange boy in my dream?

            From the moment I woke up, to the moment I went to bed again that night, I couldn’t get it out of my head. The whole situation seemed so real, like the boy had been with me, right next to me, whispering in my ear.  And yet I couldn’t put a face to the voice I’d heard. It seemed like I knew him, from where I couldn’t possibly know. The only places I’d ever been for long periods of time were at the orphanage, and here at this hellish dump.

“John!” I jumped in surprise and looked up at Jake, who was staring at me curiously in my dazed state.

“You all there, kid? Looked like you were about to fly to the moon with that dreamy face on of yours!” he said with a sarcastic chuckle. I smiled back and punched him in the arm playfully.

“Only dreaming about you, right?” Jake laughed and shrugged.

“That is certainly the way to go!” Jade popped into the room at that moment, baring oddly wrapped parcels in her long, pale arms.

“Merry Christmas everybody!” she cried jovially as she began to hand out the small packages. My eyes widened at her burst of energy and announcement. Had I already been here that long? That was nearly nine months! I sighed wearily and rubbed my eyes with the backs of my hands. How could I have let that much time slip by? I needed to get out of here before I shredded myself into a million little pieces, both figuratively and literally.

“Here you go, John! I hope you like it!” she said, smiling widely. I nodded my thanks and smiled back.

“Thanks Jade! Sorry I don’t have anything for you, I didn’t even know it was Christmas time.” The black-haired girl shrugged and shook her head.

“No need, the best present you gave me was being my roommate!” she giggled as she walked off to continue her present-giving. I looked carefully down at the small package covered in brown paper and tied with a white string sitting in my lap. I carefully untied the string and unwrapped the present, taking my time to not tear the paper. I opened the gift to find hidden beneath its brown concealments a light blue t-shirt. My eyes widened at this magnificent little beauty, and my heart swelled in my chest with happiness. I had come to this place with only the things in my back-pack from the orphanage, which wasn’t much.

            I turned the shirt around to look at the front and found it had a little, darker blue, swirly symbol on the front of it. I sighed with happiness, and turned to Jade who was sitting across from me.

“Thank you so much!” I exclaimed with feeling. Jade just smiled simply and nodded her head, turning away. 

***

            _His hands balled into fists as he shouted and growled at the others. His blood-red eyes burned with frustration._

_“Why isn’t he fucking here? Where the hell did he go?!” I still couldn’t see all of him, just flashes of his eyes, and his hands curled into and pulling soft, thick, jet-black hair, and arms flailing about to accentuate his exasperation._

_“Relax, Kk, he’ll come back soon.”_

_“And how the hell do you know, Electrofuck? You never even fucking met him. You don’t know anything.” The boy’s voice was coarse from shouting as he growled at his companion. I heard other hushed voices mumbling and whispering about him and the situation. They were looking for someone._

_“Relax, we are all going through shit for you, Kk and you just give us crap about the whole gog damned situation. Have you ever thought that maybe this Johnny character just died? He WAS a mutation of some kind, after all.” I watched as his eyes filled with over whelming emotions. First there was hurt, then grief, and finally anger which seemed to be the most common of his altering feelings._

_“Fuck.” He pounded his fist onto a black table and closed his piercing eyes as red tears began to pool from beneath the lids. “John. Come **home**.” _

            I awoke again in the same cold sweat wrapped in my blankets. The dreams never stopped. Every night I was visited by the same boy with slate-grey skin and blood-red eyes. He was always full of frustration and sadness, as if he’d lost something dear to him that he truly felt he would never get back. And every dream ended the same with him calling out my name and begging me, with such desperation, for me to just come home. Wherever “home” was. A dark, dank place filled with prostitution and fucking glitter suits.

            I sighed as I stood out of my bed and got dressed for my day off. Jade was already up and about, spreading her everyday cheer for the whole world to see. I went to the food hall and grabbed some breakfast before heading to Roxy’s room. She surprisingly had a fantastic selection of books in her possession, and let me borrow them as long as I told her about it.

“JOHN!” I was attacked from behind by a strange British man. “John. Where are you off to?” Jake bounced behind me, hands in his pockets. I turned and plastered a smile to my face.

“Off to Roxy’s room, I’m returning a book to her. What about you?” Jake grinned from ear to ear and draped one of his gangly-long arms around my shoulders. He pressed his lips close to my ear and whispered quietly, “I’m planning an escape.”

            I turned to him with surprise, eyes widened. How could he plan an escape? There was virtually no way out of this dungeon of a place. I hooked my hand on Jake’s shoulder and stopped him.

“How? When?” I asked in a hushed voice, my heart beating wildly in my chest. If there was any way I could get out of here, I would do it in a second. Jake seemed surprised by my forwardness, but I didn’t care and he edged it off.

“Once a year, there’s a day that everybody has off, even the boss way up top, and he lets us wander around the city for about an hour. During that time, me, Roxy, Jade and Rose are all going to make a run for it. You’re more than welcome to join us, lad.  We’ll be taking whatever we can with us, and never coming back. How’s that?” I stared, wide eyed. How could it be that easy? There was just no way.

“If it were that easy, why hasn’t anyone done it before?” Jake frowned and wrung his hands out in frustration.

“It’s not that, john. It has been done before. Our good friend Dirk left last year, said he’d be back for the rest of us, but he never came. It’s just that…for every bloke that leaves….a new one comes.” Jake kind of gave me a sideways glance.

“Y-you mean that since Dirk left….” Jake nodded his head.

“You were brought here. The Boss just goes ‘round to orphanages and picks attractive people off the streets in need of a home, takes advantage of blokes, he does.” I gulped, my glee diminishing a bit. There was always a price for happiness, wasn’t there?

“Jooooohnny. You got that book I lentcha?” Roxy drawled from her door frame. I smiled lightly to her and nodded my head, retuning the book to her possession.

“Come on in you ter ferllas! Let’s get som hyp….hyap…. happ…happy times goin on hear!” Roxy slurred her words as she waltzed back into her room, obviously drunk out of her mind. Again. Jake chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.

“I really shouldn’t, Roxy. I was just accompanying our good bloke John, here, to your humble abode before heading off to get a few things prepared for next week.” Jake whispered the last part, and Roxy’s eyes widened slightly.

“Oh, yea. I gotta gte soem stuff ready for taht to!” she whispered coarsely back to Jake as he began to walk down the hall. Roxy threw another couple books at me.

“Get readin’, sweet heart, rough couple days we got ahead of us.”

            Jade included me in her plans to get ready to leave, and as the days knocked by, I felt myself growing more and more weary. I just couldn’t imagine why people wouldn’t leave the moment they got the chance at this once-a-year opportunity. This place was horrible; we never got to see the sunshine, were kept in a basement for our whole lives, and sent to have sex with strangers at the price of our “boss”. Most of everybody I had spoken to over the months was kidnapped, adopted from orphanages, or taken off the streets. Very few were from pleasurable backgrounds, but anything would be better than this, wouldn’t it?

            And on top of all that, my dreams became more frantic. Every passing night sent the boy in my dreams further into his angry, frustrated spiral. He didn’t interact with the people around him well and often lashed out at the slightest things. He was becoming more and more frightened and desperate. He was slowly but surely losing hope for what he was searching for. Every dream ended in his same, groping hope that I would return “home”, and it struck me down. I had never seen anybody like this boy before; he had grey skin and red eyes for crying out loud, but I couldn’t help but feel so familiar to him. Maybe it was the fact that I had had so many dreams of him that he seemed close to me, or the fact that I felt his desperation, his need. We were the same, searching for the unattainable with worthless hopes and impossible dreams.

“Come on, John. We’ve got to get going now. Grab your stuff! Oh my, this is so exciting!” Jade babbled light heartedly as she packed a small bag of clothes and stuffed her wallet with some money. I nodded my head and did much the same, packing up my back pack and wearing the shirt Jade gave me for Christmas. I took one last look around the room that I’d “lived” in for so long, the place of my worst nightmares and best dreams. I rubbed the arm that was so badly scared from my previous endeavors and shivered as my fingers brushed over the uneven skin. This was it. This was my moment to shine and be rid of the horrors I had so previously endured.

            I turned as Jade opened the door and there was a sudden commotion. I heard shouts of pain and yelling and feet padding roughly against the hard, stone floor of the hallway.

 _“RUN!!!!!”_ Was a howled scream from down the way. Jade turned to me, eyes wide with worry. My heart was pounding in my chest, my breath hitched as another scream was heard.

 _What is going on?_ Jade ran out the door toward the sound of the noise, and I followed her with a pounding head and burning adrenaline. I saw Jake running wildly in my direction, tears streaming down his face and eyes red and wide with fear.

“Jake! Jake, what the hell happened?!” Jade yelled at him, stopping in the hallway and grabbing his shoulders. Jake was trembling from head to toe, his hands were shaking terribly.

“Th-The police, they found out about this place…and they’re coming.” Jake broke down into tears and rubbed at his eyes. “S-so the Boss is getting rid of the evidence….he’s burning the whole place down!”

            The world, at that moment froze. Jake was still crying, and people were running around to no avail, and Jade threw her glasses off and was crying with him, but I couldn’t hear their sobs. I couldn’t feel anything. The world was turning, the earth was breathing, it was alive, but very, very soon, none of us would be.

            And I began to run. I ran away from it all. I ran away from Jade, and from Jake, who were crying in each other’s arms. I ran away from the screams and yells, and the flashing lights and strange, acidic smells that penetrated the hall. I ran from Roxy, whose short, blonde hair was singed and black, just like her skin. I ran from the door that I knew was colored orange and red and yellow and blue and black with flames and smoke and soot. I ran from my life, I ran from all I had ever known. I ran from “the boss” because I hated him for what he’d done to me, emotionally and physically. I ran from the orphanage because they let him take me away. I ran from Dave because the wonderful memories I had of him made my heart beat wildly in my chest with pain and fear. I ran from myself, because I knew that I was long gone. John, or Johnny, or whoever I was had disappeared so long ago. I had no idea who I was, and I didn’t care. I didn’t care because I was nobody; I was an empty, invisible shell of a human being indistinguishable from the rest. I was never particularly liked, never fit in, always the odd one out. There was six years of me that was never accounted for, six years gone that could have told me some part of who I was meant to be. An artist? A taxi cab driver? A family man with lots of money, a pretty wife, and cute kids? None of these things, these normal, human, everyday things fitted me because I didn’t fit them. There was something off. But now, in this empty shell of an individual, I am finding something.

I am finding that I never could have fit into Earth’s schedule. It was like trying to fit a circle peg in a triangular whole; I would never work. I was much better off dying off and burning to the ground, letting my imperfect bones and skin and flesh and brain melt into the dying, burnt soil with the burnt rock and rubble.

I hid behind a shelf in the furthest leg of the hall. It was a room I had never seen before, with large, strange machines with big buttons and drills and platforms big enough for people to stand on. It was one of these platforms I sat upon while I hid from the slowly approaching flames and gasses. I heard the screams, I heard the cries, I felt the heat, and smelled the poison, I tasted the acidity in the air, but there was nowhere else for me to run. My life had taken a turn for the worst, and now I was going to die a lonely kid in the basement of a whore house.

Tears were streaming down my face as the sobs wracked my body. Fear and pain were slowly taking its course as my heart was beating wildly in my chest, my veins pumping thoroughly with adrenaline and my whole body trembling. As the flames burst through the door, and began to consume the contents of the room, I thought about the boy from my dream. His most desperate wish was to find the boy named John. Or Johnny. Or whatever. He wanted him home. He always asked for him, always in disparity. Nothing could soothe him. I hoped with all my heart that the boy of my imagination and unconscious dreams had finally gotten his wish; that Johnny was coming home and they would finally be together again. I hoped that his only wish would come true, singularly because there was no way mine ever would. I would be stuck here for eternity; there was not a chance I would ever, ever get out of this hell.

The flames flickered closer and slowly but surely caught onto my clothing. It burned. And it hurt. It hurt like hell. But it was a good pain. It meant I was still alive. Although my skin was melting, and my hair was burning, and everything was fucking on fire, I liked it because it was better than the emptiness I always felt. I welcomed the pain, and when I screamed, it was pure agony. But it was good agony.  I screamed and cried, but my tears were not nearly enough to put out the flames of the fire that burned all around me, within me.

I thought about the boy’s red eyes, and how when he cried, his tears were the color of the blood that had dripped down my arm when I cut it. I thought of his gentle claws, and his slate-grey, smooth skin without a blemish upon it. I thought about his thick, lovely black hair. The few things I had ever seen of him, I cherished. I held onto him in my last bits of consciousness as the flames burned me and the smoke filled my lungs. I coughed and coughed and cried and screamed.

 _“I want to go home!”_ I cried out as tears spilled from my smoke-misted eyes. The pain grew to its maximum as I saw a flash of blinding light and felt a burst of wind blast over my body, leaving a wonderful, cool sensation. My body felt burned and crispy, my mouth was dry and I couldn’t speak to save my life. Soon, the light died down and there was only darkness.

 _I must be dead. Is this what death is like? This numbness? This opaque black? It’s like ink. I can’t see anything at all. Oh. Wait. No. there is definitely no numbness. That hurt like a bitch._ I felt a sounds gurgle from my throat, as a sounds echoed through my black haven.

_“K…zzz”_

_“Ka…les…”_

_“Karkles!”_ I slowly cracked open my eye lids, and immediately wished I hadn’t. Bright light impeded my vision and made me squeeze my eyes shut again. But there was a voice. I definitely heard a voice.

 _“Karkles….he’s awake I think…..he tastes all burnt. Who the hell decided to have Johnny stew?”_ There was a cackle of laughter. Was it the voice of an angel? I tried to open my eyes again, and this time the light wasn’t so horrendous. I made out a shadowy black outline above my head. It slowly came into view, but I had to squint.

The most I could see was the outline of a girl’s head….but she was wearing something on her head that pointed out, kinda like…horns. Wait. What? Suddenly everything came into focus. For a very, very brief moment, everything was perfectly clear. I was in a large, grey-painted room, and there was a girl with large red sunglasses on her face and her tongue hanging out of her mouth. Her shoulder length black hair framed her grey face in a pretty way, but I hardly noticed that. I noticed that her skin was _grey_ and she had actual _horns_ coming out of her head. I felt my blood run cold, if I in fact, had any left. My throat made a strangled noise when the girl cackled and lifted her head to look at something on the other side of the room.

“Come ‘ere Karkat, he opened his pretty blue eyes, just for youuuuuuuuuuuuu~” the girl cackled out a laugh and walked away from me. I couldn’t see the other figure on the other side of the room, because even the slightest movement made burning, crippling pain seer through my whole body. The figure from across the room slowly came into view. This was a boy. His hair was crazy and splayed all over the place, but there weren’t many distinct features I could make out. My mind was getting hazy again, and everything was blurry. I saw his figure come closer, so that his face must’ve been right over mine.

“Welcome home John.”

            It was then that my vision completely went and I was back in my muddled darkness, where all I could sense was the pain in my body and the steady beating of my very much alive heart. I couldn’t see his red eyes, or his gentle claws, or his slate-grey, smooth skin, or see the thickness of his wild, jet-black hair, but I could definitely recognize the voice of the pretty-eyed boy from my countless dreams. 


	5. Where Have You Been

When I woke up again, my entire body ached with pain. I cracked open my eyes and took in my surroundings, swiveling my head from side to side.   
The room was dark, but I could faintly make out furniture relative to that of a bedroom. Everything was of grey or black coloring, dull and point-blank of expression. I slowly sat up and groaned as I felt my skin pull tight on bandages and healing wounds. I swung my legs out and around so my feet were planted firmly on the floor and rolled my shoulders in an attempt to relieve the tension there. I rubbed at my eyes, and noticed that my glasses were not upon my nose. They must’ve fallen off in the fire. The fire. Pain soared guiltily through my gut as I remembered the incident, had I been the only one to survive? And speaking of survival, where the heck was I? I shakily got to my feet and blinked trying to clear my blurry vision in an attempt to better make out my surroundings. Suddenly, blinding light filled the room causing me to shield my eyes with my arms and wait for the light to dim down.   
“Oh. You’re awake, thank Gog. I thought Karkles was simply going to have a hissy fit if you didn’t wake up soon! Hehehe!” a familiar cackle sounded from behind me, and at the source of the blinding light. I quickly turned around, and gasped at what I saw.   
The girl with the red sunglasses was standing in an open doorway. But she wasn’t just a girl, she was some kind of weird… girl. Her skin was light grey in color, like when the sky is cloudy and overcast but not black, and not blue. When she spoke, she had sharp, pointy white teeth and a turquoise-colored tongue. Her hair was black, and protruding from her head were two, sharp, yellow and orange horns. I gaped at her in astonishment. I rubbed my eyes, for I must have been dreaming and hallucinating and hopped up on drugs or something because nobody had horns and grey skin, or any of those pointy teeth!  
“Wh-what are you?!” I asked, mouth still hanging open. The girl frowned.   
“Do you really not remember anything, John?” the girl said with her scratchy voice that yielded a touch of sadness. Remember? What was there to remember? I shook my head and finally managed to shut my mouth. I probably looked like a gaping doofus. The girl sighed and rubbed her forehead in exasperation.   
“Well then I guess we have a lot of explaining to do, don’t we? I’ll start by introducing myself. Name’s Terezi. Jegus, Karkles is just going to have a conniption fit once he finds out you don’t remember him!” the girl, Terezi cackled and ushered me forward.   
“Come on, Johnny Boy, time to meet your Knight in Shining armor~” I gulped and followed this strange looking girl out of the grey room I was in and into the brightly-lit hall. Down multiple staircases and through many different rooms with different contraptions and furniture we went through. The whole time, Terezi wouldn’t shut up.   
“We have a lot to teach you John-Boy. First off, you are currently on a planet called Alternia. Don’t go about asking me how you got here, only Karkles seems to know the answer to that question and it is a good damned thing he figured it out, otherwise the rest of us wouldn’t have heard the end of his bitching.” As the girl babbled on and on about “Alternian culture” and something about justice and the law, I found myself simply becoming more and more confused and frightened. From what I gathered, I had been kidnapped and brought to some kind of alien planet far, far, far away from Earth. I inwardly groaned and seethed with frustration. How did I always manage to make it to worst-case scenarios?   
“Alright, here we are! Just go right through that door and dear, old Karkat will be there to your beck and call. Have fun~” the girl cackled again with her scratchy voice and opened the door for me. I gulped and walked through. Who was this “Karkles” person she kept speaking of? Was he another…whatever the hell Terezi was? Did he have grey skin and a turquoise tongue and red sunglasses, to?  
No. No he most certainly did not.   
I walked into the room alone. The walls, like all the others in this building, were grey and monotonous. The floor was much the same, and the only furniture was a table to the side with a metal chair and a computer-looking device sitting atop it. In the other corner was a large, metal platform with a geometric design engraved in it. The sight looked startlingly familiar, and I realized that this was the same type of device that I had sat on while the flames from the fire had started to eat me up. I shivered and trembled at the thought of those flames eating away and burning my skin. Just the memory of it made me feel uncomfortable.   
A movement back where the computer was caught my attention. A boy, with slate-grey skin and wild, jet-black hair whirled around to face me. Protruding from behind his upper lip was a row of tiny, jagged, sharp white teeth. There were visible, dark bags under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. His shoulders were squared off tensely, like he was expecting some kind of attack; but as soon as he laid eyes on me, his shoulders hunched over into a more relaxed position.   
“Well, sleeping fucking beauty or whatever the hell it’s called back on that stupid planet you abandoned us to, shit brain- I’m glad to see you finally fucking decided to heal your pathetic pink skin and wake the fuck up from your beauty rest. Meanwhile, I am slaving away in this fucking monotonous lab trying to figure out just how in the living fuck you managed to get here!” The boy seethed in from of me. His voice was rough and angry, and all too familiar. I gulped and furrowed my brows. I did not appreciate his anger. What the hell did I ever do to him and his weird, horned face?  
“Well I’m sorry that I was mysteriously transported from a near-death experience; oh excuse me, BEING BURNED ALIVE, to wherever the hell I am now where everybody has grey skin and weird-looking horns and pointy teeth and red sunglasses! I don’t know how I got here, I don’t know who you are, I don’t even know who the hell I am anymore, and I certainly don’t expect you to freaking know, and I don’t really appreciate you taking out all your anger out on me. And would it ever have killed you to take a nap? You look like you haven’t closed your eyes in a month!” I fumed, crossing my arms and huffing at the end of my rant. The boy and I glared at each other, each of us bothered by the unknown of the other. I could feel my cheeks heating up under his critical gaze, and my eyes start to water at the frustration and fear I was feeling in my belly. But I would. Not. Cry. Nope, nope, nope. That’s not happening. I won’t cry, not in front of these weirdo’s! nu-uh. Nope. Oh no, stop it! Stop it stop it stop it! Wasn’t going to cry, remember?  
But, like the confused, doofus I am, I started bawling my eyes out. I felt my chest constrict and my body tighten as the tears flowed freely down my cheeks. I turned away from the weird, angry guy in front of me and wrapped my arms around my chest in a desperate attempt to pull myself together. I was just scared and confused and frustrated. I thought I was dead. And I had actually been okay with that, until I saw His blood-red eyes peering down at me. What the heck was wrong with me? Where was I? Why wasn’t I dead?  
I heard shuffling from behind me, and footsteps. I tensed. Was he moving closer to me? Was he going to hurt me? Was he going to kill me? But all I felt was a gentle hand on my shoulder.  
“Actually, it’s only been about a week since I’ve slept, and only cause I was looking for you in the dimensions of time and space. And not all of us have pointy red sunglasses. That’s just Terezi, because she’s blind. Well….Sollux has glasses to. And Equius, and Eridan. But those are for eye-sight problems, which I guess is normal on that planet you were on called “Earth” or whatever.” The boy’s voice had grown considerably softer. I slowly turned around to face him. I was startled by how close he actually was, and jumped back slightly. The boy took a step back, letting go of my shoulder. I saw that his long, grey fingers were adorned with sharp, black nails. He glared at the ground with a look of stubborn embarrassment. The boy’s hair was even messier up close, and he looked a train wreck with those bags under his eyes. He must be dead-tired.   
“Why were you looking for me? What could you ever want with this?” I asked in a half-hearted wave at my pale, skinny body. Surely, I was not alien-abducting material? The boy sighed and walked over to the computer and sat on the table, followed by a stern point in my direction and a hand motion to the chair before him. I followed his movements and sat in the cold, metal chair.   
“I’ll start with my name; it’s Karkat.” I nodded and held my knees close to my chest, noting for the first time the numerous bandages still covering my body. I wondered vaguely who had patched me up.   
“This is kind of a long, bull shit story, especially if your muddled think-pan doesn’t remember jack shit. It starts off with this little pink wriggler. It’s technically not supposed to be here, on Alternia, but fuck it all, this little shit goes against every Alternian rule. Even manages to pick up a fucking lusus as crazy and wild as an untamed fucking hoof beast. And-” I stopped the boy….Karkat, from talking with a wave of my hands. He looked mildly irritated that I had interrupted his story.   
“What?” he growled, rolling his yellow and black eyes. I gulped.  
“Uh, what’s a think-pan? And a wriggler? And….a…a lusus?” I cocked an eye brow up at Karkat. He gave me a funny look and sighed. I had no idea what this story had anything to do with me, but I knew I wouldn’t get a lick of it if I had no idea what he was talking about.   
“Your think-pan is what’s up here, yanno, where you think.” Karkat said irritatingly. I nodded. So. Think-pan equals brain, check!  
“And a wriggler is Troll young; the lesser, infant form of my species.” I nodded again checking off in my brain, or, uh, think-pan, wriggler equals baby.   
“And a lusus is like a custodian. They are a wild species native to Alternia. When the wrigglers come out on their new limbs, they go through a series of tests, and if they make it out alive, a lusus will choose them and raise them. That wriggler would be protected by their lusus while they grew. Get it?” he asked, eyes wide with irritation. I nodded again and set my head back on my knees, waiting for him to continue his story. Lusus equals parent or guardian. Check.   
“So, as I was fucking saying, this little freak of troll, without horns or teeth, and this weird fucking pink skin, lands on this crazy lusus, and the lusus actually takes him in. The little wriggler grows into a young troll and manages to make two friends, despite his mutations, with two other young trolls around the same age as him. Then this little troll, of three sweeps old now, randomly disappears. His two friends go to his house to find out what happened. The weird blind one sniffs around and discovers the scent of adult trolls, which is an altogether unheard of scent. Most adult trolls are off in space conquering other planets and stars in the name of Alternia. So, naturally, the two friends were afraid for their little mutant friend. He wasn’t in his hive at all, and the whole place was a mess. Finally, the two chums find this young trolls’ lusus, all shaken up over the loss of it’s’ troll and back to being a crazy, wild fiend. The two friends hail tail it the fuck out of there, assuming the little freak show they called moirail was dead and gone, attacked or kidnapped or some other fucking shit.” Karkat stopped and took a breath. His eyes were glaring menacingly at the floor again, his gaze refusing to leave its grainy, silver surface. His slate-grey hands were clasped together tightly in his lap as he spoke, his whole body tense as his lips moved to tell me this story.   
“Until one of the friends, the non-weird and non-blind one discovered a computer that tracked his friend’s timeline. He had no idea why this specific computer tracked his best friend, or how, but he didn’t fucking care. He had found him again, and this little shitty computer gave him a false hope in his blood-circulator. For another six sweeps he tried and failed to track down his friend, only ever managing to watch him as he went through life on this weird, alternate universal planet. Everybody there looked like him, what with their pink skin and dull teeth. He looked like he belonged, and this useless, pathetic fucknut of a friend decided it might be best to give up because, what the fuck. How the hell was his measly ass going to manage a cross-universal teleportation? No idea in the fuck how that shit was happening. And then, just as he had managed to let his hopes die down again, this fucking idiot shows up. Somehow, he broke the universal barrier and teleported back to Alternia. But, surprise surprise, he remembered jack-shit about his best friends, was half-burnt up and crying, calling out to deaths fucking door like it was the last fucking thing he’d ever see in his pathetic, animistic life. But then, after he’d blacked out from the stress of it all, he woke up again and was a total derpy shit-brain named John fucking Egbert.”   
Karkat took another deep breath, and finally broke his staring contest with the floor, to look at me. I gulped. My heart was thudding so fast, I could hear my heart beat in my ears. I quickly squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head back and forth, trying desperately to make sense of everything this…this troll, I suppose, just spewed from his black lips. I opened my eyes again, and found that Karkat was still staring intently at me, waiting for my reaction.   
“How the heck do you expect me to believe that?!” I squeaked. I gulped again. Not the most manly, brave voice I had imagined in my mind. Karkat rolled his eyes and reached behind him, pulling out a black picture from. The photo held inside it showed two little boys. One had grey skin, and only slightly wild, jet-black hair. He had tiny, nubby horns popping out of his head and a death glare set upon his face and a bunch of….was that asparagus? Yes. Asparagus all over him. The boy beside him had pale, peachy-colored skin, thick, black-rimmed glasses placed on his nose, and a buck-toothed grin that stretched across his face from ear to ear. I had always despised my buck-teeth. But there was no way in hell the government was going to pay for braces for some random orphan kid.   
Sooner than I would have liked, Karkat took the picture out of my field of vision, and turned on the computer. As it whirred to life, I caught him staring at me out of the corner of his eyes. When he caught me, catching him, he quickly looked away and I saw a very slight dusting of pink grow under his cheeks. But his brow was still furrowed under his constant grumpy disposition.   
The computer screen came into focus and I watched in amazement as a video log, with dates and times popped up. Karkat navigated to one dated September 15, 2007. I watched, with a growing feeling of wonder and recognition in my stomach, as ten year old me skipped gallantly over to Dave’s bed and punched him lightly on the arm. I remembered this moment. This was when Dave got out the monopoly game for the first time and creamed me at it. I wouldn’t buy any properties unless they had a blue bar over them, and Dave just put hotels on everything he owned. I felt tears well in my eyes as the memories of Dave flew through my brain. I wondered how he was doing.   
“Th-that’s my best friend….his name is Dave. He was the only one that liked me when I was in that orphanage, the only one that didn’t judge me because I was weird and looked funny.” I felt my chest grow tight as the tears spilled down my cheeks.   
“I miss him.” I whispered quietly. Karkat didn’t say anything, he just let the memory play through until it ended, and then turned off the computer. We sat in silence as I tried my very best to work everything out in my brain. It all just seemed too unbelievable, even though it would explain why I had no memory past the age of six. But really. Aliens? It would have been too good to be true, too easy to explain. I turned to Karkat, who was staring at me intently, waiting for me to respond to what he’d shone me.   
“So…if the boy in the story is me….that would mean that I was never meant to be on Earth at all?” Karkat rolled his eyes and rubbed his face tiredly.   
“Wow. I’m glad you have such bright, sharp thinking skills, half-wit. Yes, it means you were never supposed to fucking be on Earth. I had thought for a while that maybe you were just never supposed to be on Alternia, but there were no records I could find of a ship or any kind of teleportation device bringing a pink wriggler to our planet, and some how you managed to return. This leads my superior thinking skills to conclude that you are a very “special” case, John Egbert. When you were here, you were called Johnny, but obviously, you wouldn’t be fucking comfortable with that name any more you have obviously…” Karkat scanned me up and down, from head to toe. “Grown out of it.” I nodded my head in agreement, even though I had no idea what he’d meant by that. I caught a glance of the picture again.   
“And Karkat…is that you in the picture with me?” the slate-grey skinned boy nodded his head solemnly. It was then that it all began to click in my brain. Karkat had been looking for me for nearly twelve years. He’d lost his best friend at the ripe age of six, and had taken his entire youth just trying to get him back. And to top all of that off, when his best friend finally came back, he didn’t remember anything about him. I looked down to the cold, hard ground in shame. How could I have been so dull?  
“I’m sorry, Karkat.” I whispered lightly. The yellow-eyed boy glared at me.   
“What the hell for, shit-brain?” I winced slightly, he was probably still really mad at me.   
“For not remembering.” Karkat let out a grunt and looked away, back at the computer. An uncomfortable silence fell over us, and I shifted in anxiety. My chances were slipping through my fingers. This boy, this grey-skinned, yellow-eyed boy was the closest thing I had to regaining my memory of the past.   
“But, um, I…..I would like to….yanno….remember.” I muttered under my breath. Karkat snapped his head back at me, baring his sharp teeth right in my face, angry as ever.   
“And why the hell would you want to do that? Here you are, no recollection of ever being here around strange people and things, shouldn’t you want to go back home to your pathetic excuse of a planet? Back to all your friends and family that you’ve acquired over the years? You shouldn’t care about us, anymore John. You don’t fucking remember!” Karkat seethed in his seat, breath quick and angry. I flinched back as he spoke through gritted teeth and flaring nostrils. I backed away slightly, fearing those jagged teeth in his mouth, but then a though occurred to me. Hadn’t there been a time when I wasn’t afraid of those teeth, of his quick, angry words and sharp tongue? I furrowed my brow. He totally wasn’t being fair at all.   
“Karkat. There is no way I could ever go “home” to my planet because I have never had a “home” or a feeling of “home” in my entire life. I don’t have family, and the only friend I ever had was Dave, but he more than likely has completely forgotten about me, moved on with his life, and left me dead and gone in the dust. And I know I don’t fucking remember Karkat, but you seem a hell of a lot familiar to me, and I know that sounds weird, but you do, and I want to know why, because what the hell? I haven’t got anything to lose other than my life, which I have already come pretty fucking close to, haven’t I?” I glared back at Karkat as I spoke; there was no way I was going to let him bully me down when there was nowhere else for me to run.   
Karkat blinked, wide-eyed at me for a moment before shaking his head and sighing. He started walking towards the door, and when he’d reached it, he looked back over his shoulder.   
“Well, fuckass? Are you coming?”


	6. Somebody That I Used To Know

That gog damned fucking dip shit, no-brained, cloud-headed derp bag. WHAT an asshole. He was just staring at me. What the hell did he expect? That I was going to fucking carry him to our next, indiscriminate destination? Well he had better fucking wake up and smell the metaphorical roses of our little “friendship” cause there was no way in Alternia that was happening.

“Are you just going to fucking stand there with your mouth hanging open, catching those human things called “flies” or what? Let’s move. I have places to go and people to hate.” I growled. The boy’s cerulean fucking eyes blinked once, and then he shook his head as if to clear it and began to _finally_ fucking follow me out the door. I thanked whatever pray-able God that was out there we didn’t run into anybody. Terezi was bad enough, but if any of the others saw him, I would _never_ be done, and I would never get some fucking sleep. Oh yea. Forgot about that, didn’t you? I haven’t fucking slept in DAYS trying to get this asshole here, and then finally, FINALLY just giving the fuck up on my useless, worthless little speck of hope.

            I turned around to see John looking up and down at the quotidian grey walls. What the hell did he find so magnificently entertaining about those? I turned back around and slumped my shoulders lower as we dragged down the hall. The thoughts brewing in my think-pan were giving me a fucking head ache for monsters; how the hell did he get here? Why now? Why did he want to _stay_? Not that I would’ve been able to send him back to his planet anyways, what with my ridiculously incompetent skills of navigation and computer fuckery. That was Sollux’s job. Tch. Fucking asshole.

“Hey Karkat?” I wheeled around on my heels and ended up face to face with the pink-skinned goof.

“What?” I managed to say, non to nicely. The boy cringed, and I felt a little pang of regret. Shoosh. You have no regrets, remember? You are the fucking god of douche baggery, and there was no room for regret in that kingship.

“Uh, where are we going?” oh. Yea. Maybe I have forgotten to mention that to the little weirdo. I felt my food-processor churn from the lack of nourishment.

“First we’re going to get something to shove down our protein chutes, because I am fucking starving and if you fucking dare to question me, there will be no food for you. And then I have to take you somewhere you can stay until we can get your old hive back in order. Place is a fucking dump.” I shake my head irritable, my black hair falling in front of my face. John’s face twisted slightly in confusion, but he didn’t say a word and stayed quite the rest of the way there.

“KAAAAAAAAAAAAARKLES~ HEHEHEHEHE!” oh FUCK NO. There was no way in hell I was hanging out with her right now! Nope, nope, nope, nope, no-

“Oh, hi Terezi!” John chirped from behind me. He smiled slightly and waved to the blind girl. Terezi stuck her tongue out and cackled a laugh.

“Well, hey there John! Having fun with my best moirail over here?” The girl said, slinging an arm over my shoulder.

“Terezi get the fuck off me! I just want to- OH FUCK! Why the hell won’t you stop licking me! Get away from me!” I growled, pushing her away. The girl took no notice to my impenetrable annoyance and just giggled like a freak. I looked to John, hoping he wasn’t to weird-ed out by Terezi, but he looked totally spaced out. His eyes were glazed over and his face was blank, as if he were in a trance or some shit.

“Uh…John? You alright?” I waved my hand in front of his face, but got no response. What was the little asshole up to now? Before I could stop her, Terezi jumped over to John and thoroughly slobbered all over the side of his face.

“Ew! Fuck, Terezi! You can’t just go around licking people! Especially John; he is still innocent and blissfully ignorant of your annoying as fuck habits of sight!” Terezi chuckled and stared dead at me, even though we both knew she couldn’t see me.

“Seems he’s fallen asleep or something. He’ll be out of it soon.” She sniffed the air deeply and grinned wide, all of her pointy little teeth glowing against her darkened lips.

“And what’s this I smell? Ooooooooooo, are you _jealous_ , Karkles?” I felt my face began to heat, and stared angrily at the Libra. No. there was no way in hell I would let he compromise me like this, especially in front of this little fuckass.

“Shut up Terezi, you are such a fucking load of shit.” I growled menacingly, willing the heat in my cheeks away like a forgotten nightmare. Terezi just rolled her eyes behind those stupid, _stupid_ red glasses and pouted.

“Come _on_ Karkat, don’t be such a stick in the mud!” The girl cackled again and began to walk away. But before she left my field of vision and hearing for good, she muttered, “And keep a close on your _Johnny Boy_.” At that moment John gasped and his eyes flew open. He stumbled and I felt myself, regrettably, holding out my arms to catch him.

            Well shit. Here I was, John in my arms, and he was fucking staring at me again with those fucking BLUE eyes. How the hell did a pigment as pure as that even exist? I gulped and helped him back up. John shook his head to clear it, and then looked at me again.

“What?” I growled. John looked away, down at his shoes and fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

“N-nothing. Sorry. Lead the way.” He said gesturing to the hall in front of us. I sighed and grabbed his wrist, pulling him along behind me. _If I run into anybody else, I swear to Gog…_

            We reached the room without anymore incident, thank fuck. There was a table and chairs set up in the middle of the room, and I let go of John’s wrist to gesture for him to sit down while I got us something to eat. Standing in front of the dull cupboards, I wondered what kind of shit John ate. He was human, as far as I could tell, and I wasn’t sure if anything we had would fit his appetite. I settled for some asparagus and this thing Terezi calls a “cookie”. She found a human recipe and was able to make them with some Alternian ingredients. They weren’t that tasteless. I grabbed the food and set some down in front of John before sitting across from him and shoving it all in my face like a starved hamster in a lab experiment.  

            I took a brief moment from my glorious protein-chute-stuffing to gander a look at the blue-eyed boy sitting motionless before me. I swallowed the food in my mouth and curled my tongue around my teeth before staring hard at the boy who seemed to be in a dream-state again. Gog damn it. What the hell was with that august look in his resplendent eyes?

“Not hungry?” John jumped slightly in his seat and pierced me with his ocean-clear gaze.

“Uh, no! I mean, yes, I am, I was just…thinking about something. Sorry!” John broke his ogling and began to hungrily gobble up his food just as badly as I had. _Maybe I should set a better example…..the whole food down his throat might not be a good look for him…_ I watched in amazement as the food disappeared in less than a minute, spare crumbs gathered on his slightly reddened cheeks. _Scratch that…._

            I shook my head to clear it and finished my food. There was no way I was thinking about that right now. I was too tired, and John was too distraught. Or at least, I assumed he was. But then, there wasn’t much I could fucking sympathize with in his situation; it’s not like I had ever been ripped from all I’d ever known and taken to some creepy as fuck planet with asshole like me prowling around as a fucking tour-guide. I got up from my side of the table and motioned for John to follow me. There was no way in hell I could take him to any of the others’ hives; he’d been eaten alive with fright. I growled inwardly as the only plausible conclusion came to my deluded and sleep-deprived think-pan. He would have to stay with me. I turned my head around to catch a glimpse at the uncharacteristically quite figure behind me. The boy’s eyes were on the ground, and his hands folded in front of him, twiddling his thumbs. I turned back around and kept moving forward to the door that I knew would lead me out of this gog-forsaken lab and into the “delightful” Alternian landscape.

“We’re going to my hive to get some sleep. It’s not that far away, but don’t go on one of your little fucking adventures, or you’ll end up some poor troll’s lusus’ fucking breakfast.” I growled through clenched teeth as I opened my way the fuck out of here. John grumbled something behind me, but when I turned to ask him what he’d said, he looked so forlorn and depressed I didn’t bother. There were so many little things that I was catching, things that were different, that I didn’t particularly like. Things like how quite he was, or how sad his eyes were. When we were just little trolls fucking around, the kid wouldn’t fucking shut up. He just jabbered on like no tomorrow, always insisted I accompany him on his adventures through the Alternian woods in search of buried treasure and other false hoods. His eyes were always shinning with mischief and a cheerful disposition that sickened me to my gut. But all that was gone now; he seemed like just a dead thing walking around in a shell. As we walked out into the Alternian night, he held his arms wrapped around his torso, shivering as if cold-although this night was one of the warmest.

            I grabbed John’s wrist to keep him from wondering too far and began making my merry fucking way back to my hive. John’s gasp from behind me paused me in my tracks. I turned to find him gazing in amazement at the sky, far and wide, above us.  I looked up to see what he found so amazing, only to be greeted by the usual, dull purple night-time glow. The stars illuminated and yellow against the dark night shined brilliantly next to the dual-moons of Alternia. John pointed his free hand to afore-mentioned moons with trembling fingers.

“There's….there's two moons! And they’re such weird colors!” John whispered in his astonishment. I grunted in response, this was nothing new to me. But maybe his home planet had a different nocturnal perspective then ours. John’s eyes caught a glow not unlike that of the magnificent stars as he gazed up at the night sky. As I watched his entire facial expression change-relax into something peaceful and happy, I felt a small smile begin to tug at my chapped lips. I relished in his happiness, that something I might have shown him gave him that look.

“I hate to break your eye-fucking o the night sky, there John, but we should really be getting back to the homestead, as you call it, before the sun comes up.” I shivered at the horrid though.  John tore his gave from the sky and nodded his head at me, eyes still holding some of that cerulean shine.

            The walk was, again, quiet. John’s silence burrowed like a nerve into my skin; when had he gotten so quiet? This wasn’t like him, was it? I kept glancing over my shoulder to make sure he was still following me, and always he was there-the same blank expression on his pale face.

“Well, here we are. Hold on a second, I gotta make sure my lusus is asleep.” I grumbled as I opened the door. I peeked my head inside, and upon hearing the quiet snoring coming from the opposite end of the hive, I quickly and quietly ushered John inside and upstairs to my room.

“What’s your lusus like?” John asked suddenly. I turned around, the boy standing in the door way with his pink hands clasped together tightly. I shrugged my shoulders. What the hell could I tell him? My lusus was a fucking dick wad shit brain.

“The freak’s an asshole. He’s got huge claws and chases me around the hive all the time. I have to keep him inside or else risk being pestered by numerous dead troll bodies littered across my lawn.” I gritted through my teeth. John’s eyes widened slightly, but he shook his head and didn’t say another word. Gog fucking damn it! Why the hell was he being such a mute?

“I am tired as fuck, so I am going to go to fucking bed. There are some blankets and shit over there in the corner, as, if I remember correctly, spoor slime plus you sleeping don’t mix well at all.” John furrowed his brows as he walked over to the pile.

“What’s spoor slime?” he asked as he began arranging the blankets in a huge, circular pile. I walked over to my recouperacon and dipped my hand into it, pulling out a handful of goopy, disgusting slime and showed it to the pink-faced wonder boy. His face twisted in a weird, disgusted fashion as I swirled the sickeningly electric-green substance between my grey fingers.

“This is the shit. We sleep in it and it, theoretically is supposed to keep our terrifying nightmares away.” Shit. What if John wakes up in the middle of the day? What would I do then?

“Oh, and if you happen to wake up at any point in time, please, please-for your own fucking safety and well being, do not wake me up. You will be greeted by the worst possible attitude in all of fucking Alternia. Just stay in here.” John smiled slightly and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Not exactly the morning type, huh?” I grunted and shook my head. None of us fucking were. I took off my shirt and slid into the gooey substance, shivering slightly at its cool temperature. Immediately, I felt the calm beginning to take over me. Just before my eyes slid closed, I peeped up to make sure John was settled down.

            I unceremoniously felt a small smile creep its way onto my face as I saw the pale-skinned boy burrowing himself deeper into the little nest of blankets he’d made for himself; just like he used to do when we were young.

“Good night, Karkat.” I heard a soft mumble from the floor. I grunted in reply.

“’night.” As I closed my eyes and blissful black overcame me, the realization that John was very greatly changed flew through my mind. He was nothing at all like the boy I used to know, but he still had those adorable little quirks. I felt my lips tug up into a smile again as I fell asleep.

**Be the overly tired, confused boy on a not-so-foreign planet:**

 Well yeah, sure, right when I’m about to fall asleep. Gee, thanks.

            My heart was thudding   wildly in my chest as I settled down into the nest of blankets I made for myself. I tried my very best to keep my eyes away from Karkat as he stripped himself of his t-shirt and climbed into his sleepy thingy-mer-bob. What was with all that green slime? Did it really help him sleep better? If _I_ had to sleep in that stuff, I would never be able to get comfortable in all that goo! I shivered as a sudden chill over came me and nestled closer into the blankets, wrapping them around me like a cocoon. I was so tired, the whole ordeal of discovering where I might really be from, who I might really be, where those first six years of my life disappeared to, it was all so invigorating and exciting. I hoped that Karkat’s lack of sleep was the sole reason for his grumpiness, but it seemed highly doubtful. I thought back to when we had met Terezi in the hallway on our way to the kitchen-Esq. room. The experience I had had then was unlike anything I had ever felt in my life. As soon as I saw the two of them together, and Karkats groaning reaction to the female troll, my vision went blurry and hazy, before finally clearing-but in a completely different setting. I felt like I was shorter; everything was taller than me. There were two figures sitting across from me, one a little boy with unruly black hair and grey skin, the other, a girl, with bright red glasses and a sharp, cackling laugh. They were younger versions of the trolls I had just been with. But why were they younger? What were they doing so little? What was I doing in _their_ past? I looked down at my tiny hands and the sudden, gratifying realization that this wasn’t, simply, their past- it was _mine._  Mine, all mine; to have something so sweet as a past, even that small inkling, made me feel more free, more myself, than I had ever felt in my whole life.

            I heard Karkat grumble in his sleep and the sloshing noises of the slime as he moved around. I smiled to myself as I closed my eyes for the night, and beautiful, wonderful sleep fell over me.

            _His hands gently patted my hair down as I lay. I opened my eyes to his magnificent red ones, and felt my lips turn into a smile. The boy’s mouth turned upward to reflect my own, and as he smiled, I saw his tinny, tiny sharp teeth protrude from his lips. Why couldn’t I see anymore of him? I wanted to know who this boy was! His hand slid down my face to cup my cheek, and I felt my skin reddening in heat at his docile touch._

_“If you want to see me, then open your eyes John.” His voice, still so rough, and so remarkably familiar, echoed through my head. I opened my eyes a little wider, desperate to see his whole face, to put a figure behind the comforting voice I had come to know. It was a slow process. First I caught a glimpse of his forehead, then his nose, an eye brow. And finally, **finally**! His whole face. His skin, slate-grey in complexion, was smooth and hairless. His lips were parted slightly as he breathed, and his nostrils flared. A little pink tongue flicked between his lips, as if he were tasting the air, and then it was gone. His blood-red eyes roamed over me. _

_“Can you see me now, John?” I felt my heart beat wildly in my chest as my arms slung around his neck._

_“Yes.”_

            I awoke in a cold sweat, the blankets wrapped so tightly around me I could hardly breathe. My heart was beating at a thousand miles a minute and my head was spinning with anxiety and curiosity. The boy from my dreams, the one with the wild hair and beautiful eyes, the one whose voice I knew so well! I mentally kicked myself for not recognizing it sooner and shivered at the dream memory of his hand on my cheek.

Karkat. 


	7. Somebody Told Me

I lay in my nest of blankets, staring at the black ceiling. It seemed the color scheme of Karkat’s entire room was dark grey and black. Why didn’t he have any color in his life? It seemed quite the bleak existence. My hands trembled as I thought about my dream. Why had I been dreaming of Karkat this whole time? And why was he always being so nice and gentle with me? So far as I’d seen him, he was nothing but rude and cranky. I heard a grumble from the…whatchamacallit that Karkat slept in and turned my head in his direction, my breath catching in my chest. What if he heard me? What would he think if he could see my thoughts right now? Oh my gosh, can he read minds? I mean, I dunno, he’s a freakin alien. Maybe aliens can do that! Although, I guess I would be the alien on this planet, wouldn’t I?

My rambling thoughts were stopped as a groan came from the other side of the room, and Karkat abruptly sat up. Only his head peaked out from his strange sleeping contraption, and his hair was matted with that thick green slime. Karkat turned his head this way and that before he caught my gaze and squinted at me.

“Oh. Fuck….morning?” he said with an air of confusion, as if he wasn’t sure that’s what he was meant to say. He rubbed at his eyes and sighed heavily.

“That’s how you say it right?” he grumbled. I nodded my head, still not taking my gaze away from his gooey face.

“How do you say it?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly from misuse and dryness. Karkat’s blood-red eyes glared at me, and I felt my cheeks heating ever so slightly under his intense stare.

“We don’t.” I gulped and nodded my head again, unsure of what to say. I heard Karkat sigh again, and then a noise like suction cups. I looked up to find Karkat slowly getting out of the slime-pool-thingie; the green slime slowly dripping down his bare chest.

Now my cheeks were without a doubt at least a dark shade of pink as I turned my head quickly away from the sight of goo, all slimy and green on his muscular abdomen.

What? What was I _thinking_?!?!?!? Green slime? For heaven’s sakes and Betsy why was I finding _that_ attractive?

“I’m going to go take a shower and wash all this shit off me.” Karkat said, rubbing a hand down his chest and pulling it away, a thin trail of slime still connecting his hand to his chest.

“O-okay.” I mumbled into the blankets all around me. Karkat turned to walk out of the room but stopped before entering the hall way. He turned slightly and shifted from foot to foot awkwardly.

“You sleep good?” I sputtered for a small moment, only being able to think of my recent realization that I had been dreaming about _him_ this whole time, before I nodded again and buried my burning face in my pillows. Karkat swiftly left the room after my little spazz attack and I groaned in contempt of my utter stupidity.

With all this shit happening, everyday is a new adventure. I wonder what’s going to happen now.

Karkat’s POV:

            I let my shoulders slack and my body relax under the calming illusion of hot water pouring over my grey, naked body. When I woke up to find John buried in that mess of blankets and pillows, in _my_ room, I didn’t know what to think. There was something that made him different than anybody else I had ever met, and it terrified me. I scrubbed my skin raw, washing off the grime and the slime and the goo. I looked at my long, slate-grey fingers as green goo slipped between them. Ugh.

            What must he have thought of me, waking up covered in green slime? It’s unlike anything else he must’ve seen on Earth, they don’t have recouperaccons there I guess. Don’t know how the humans keep their nightmares away.

“FUCK! He must think I am absolutely fucking disgusting!” I banged my fist against the side of the shower in frustration.

“I know I would be…” I sighed and slumped over again, the water flowing down my face. Today I would have to show John his old Hive. The place would be run-down and broken, but at least it might be something familiar to re-jog his memory. Seeing him walking around and curled up in that old nest, but not having any memories of us was really fucking vexing.

+++

“Today, John, I am taking you back to your old Hive.” John’s gaze shot up from his little nest with confusion.

“My hive? What’s that?” I restrained myself from clogging him on the back of the head. He was human, of course he wouldn’t fucking know what a Hive is, what with his puny human brain.

“It’s where you lived. We’re in my hive right now.” I said gesturing impatiently to the grey surroundings. John’s eyes lit up in recognition. Well, at least he wasn’t as dumb as a brick.

“Come on, we’d better go now before too many others are up. You’d be a red light of catastrophic civil war if anybody saw your pink as fuck skin.” I grumbled to myself. John shot up from his spot on the ground and brushed off his shirt with his hands. But there was no way in hell a slight brushing would do for the damage that piece of shit went through. In fact, _everything_ John was wearing was burnt and torn, hardly satisfactory if we were to be going outside.

“Well shit, you can’t go out like that! You’ll trip and scrap yourself or some shit. Absolutely no coverage.” John’s cheeks turned a slight shade of pink as he looked down in shame and played with what was left of the hem of his shirt. I growled and turned back to my closet and ripped out a plain black t-shirt and a pair of black pants.

“Here. You seem to be about the same size as me.” I shoved the clothes into his floundering hands and walked out into the hallway.

“I’ll be waiting down stairs, so hurry it up, got it?” John paused, and I could practically _see_ him nodding his head before realizing I couldn’t see him, and then shout out “Oh! Got it!”

            I did as I said I was going to do. I waited down stairs. I thanked GOG that Crabdad was fucking sleeping. John would flip his menial little shit if he found out about him before he remembered everything…. _if_ he remembered everything. I felt my chest tighten again, and I quickly banished the thought. Just then, I heard a fumbling on the stairs. I turned to find John laying in a heap at the bottom step.

“Jegus, this feels familiar.” I muttered as I walked over and helped him stand upright. John was pulling down the hem of the black shirt that fell tight across his chest. I took a step back to look him up and down, making sure he was good for being outside. _Damn, he looks good in my pants…_

Wait. What the fuck?!

I shook my head and turned around. My head wasn’t screwed on right, that’s it. Jegus.

“Alright. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

***

John’s POV:

            Karkat swiftly turned around and walked right out his door, leaving me in the middle of the….where was I again?

            I looked around to find myself in what appeared to be a living room of sorts. There was a grey couch, and a grey rug, and a black-painted coffee table. Why was everything so bleahk about Karkat’s house? Or, er, Hive?

            Outside the sky was dark and everything seemed grey and colorless, like Karkat’s Hive. It seemed like it was nighttime or that time right before the sun comes up, where it’s still early but you’re awake. I sighed and followed Karkat down the deserted dirt road. Everything here seemed dark and dismal.

“Um, Karkat?” the black-haired boy whipped his head around and stared me down with his yellowed eyes.

“What.” He growled out between clenched teeth. I didn’t know why he was still so crabby! Or maybe he was just trying to intimidate me or something. But why would he want to do that?

“Where is everybody else? Aren’t there supposed to be other Trolls around, like you and Terezi?” Karkat chuckled without humor.

“I don’t think there are any assholes out there that are similar in anyway, John. Terezi is a psychotic basket case.” He shuddered slightly, and I smirked at the memory of Terezi licking him. “But to answer your question, mostly everybody is still soundly asleep, like they fucking should be. We, however, must creep around at the wee hours of the night to keep from being spotted. I fucking hate the catastrophic race of idiots I belong to.” Karkat grumbled irritably.

            We walked for a while in silence; Karkat ahead of me, every once in a while kicking a stone out of his way. I felt myself eyeing the new world around me. It was strange to view a completely different world; everything was different, except nothing. It was like an alternate Earth, only without color and sunlight. The silence egged on, and I felt my mind drift off into the darkness around me. I let myself slip into thought. What was everybody thinking about me back on Earth? Well…I guess nobody. My friends at The Mansion were most likely dead, and Dave wouldn’t be able to find me if his life depended on it. The world was too big, and I was on another freakin’ planet. Maybe in an entirely different universe! I wondered how Dave was doing, if he’d been adopted in time, if he’d found his place in the world, or if he’d met a more horrifying fate than my own. I shook my head. No, Dave was too cool for that, he would’ve figured out a way to get out of that hell….or he’d enjoy it. I smiled to myself; thinking of Dave made me almost feel like what was going on wasn’t happening. That I was back in my room, playing our edited version of Monopoly- Cageopoly. Best Game. Ever. Karkat had a nice ass.

            I stopped in my tracks momentarily, eyes widening and cheeks burning. Just…..Just rewind and STOP. What the hell did I just think? Why did I think it?!?!?!?! I found my gaze lowering from Karkat’s back to his butt swishing back and forth slightly as he walked. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. He _did_ have a nice butt! And I noticed it!

            It was then that Karkat decided to realize I had stopped following him, and turned around to find me spazzing out with my heart jumping a mile a minute in embarrassment.

“Get the fuck over here, we need to move, John!” and with that he turned back around, shaking his head. I sighed in relief and quickened my pace to catch up with him. But I still followed behind him shamefully, cheeks ablaze.

***

            We walked until we reached a forest, to which Karkat stopped, looked all around and finally ushered me into the woods. The trees looked similar to those on Earth, except they were a lot bigger. They seemed majestically tall and wide.

“It’s through here, I know exactly where it is.” I nodded in response and followed Karkat through the woods. We seemed to be following an old path that hadn’t been traveled on in years; it was over grown with all sorts of plants that I’d never seen before, and zigzagged all over the place, as if it were made by a child who couldn’t really see where it was going. I began to hear the distant sound of rushing water. Some kind of animal made a noise to my side that sounded like a frog, and then we were in a massive clearing. Before us stood a large, round yard with a huge house planted smack-dab in the middle of it. To the side of the house was another large tree, with one branch reaching in through one of the windows. The house was lifted above the ground on long poles shooting out of the ground, and a huge staircase led up to the front door. On the left side of the house was a great, rushing river that plummeted into a waterfall.

            Suddenly, the sky lit up with a faint, dull pink glow and the whole world was a-light with color. I discovered that the trees had magnificent, pale purple trunks with magenta-colored leaves, the water was a sparkling blue similar to Earths, and all the little grass and strange plants I saw bloomed with color. I gasped as I looked around. How could this bleak and dismal world suddenly become so beautiful and alive? I gazed up at the sky and saw a shining pink orb floating in the sky.

“Karkat! What’s that?!” I asked, pointing to it with excitement. My heart was thudding wildly in my chest, I felt like a little kid who just discovered he could fly or something! Karkat looked up boredly and crossed his arms across his chest.

“Uhhhh, the moon? What the hell else would it be?” He stared at me with a raised brow, looking me up and down as if I were insane-but I just didn’t care.

“Wow, it’s beautiful.” I murmured as I took in my surroundings. I was amazed by the beauty beheld to me.

“Yea, it’s fucking gorgeous. Now let’s get you inside…there’s someone you have to meet.”

            I turned and skipped giddily after Karkat; I felt on top of the world! I somehow managed to get landed in this magical place, oh man it was just too cool.

“Who do I have to meet?” I asked as we (I) hoped up the white stairs to the now brilliant blue door. Karkat stopped and put a hand on the knob, ready to turn it.

“Your lusus.” I frowned and stopped hopping up and down giddily.

“My what-what?” Karkat rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically.

“Your LUSUS. Remember, they guardian asshole that takes care of you?” He looked at me expectantly, and I remembered the conversation we’d had when I first met him. I nodded my head and kept my mouth shut because Karkat looked like he was going to burst a gasket. He turned back around and let out a deep breath before opening the door and stepping inside.

            We walked through the door into a foyer and hallway. The floors were all wooden with throw rugs placed in aesthetically pleasing places. I looked all around, searching for signs that I could have once lived here. The walls were painted a sky-blue color, and a staircase led to a higher floor level to the left. Directly in front of us was the hallway with a room at the end of it. From where we were I could see a countertop and a refrigerator-a kitchen presumably. To the right was an open archway that led to a living room and front room with chairs and couches and bean bags strewn about. A few toy-looking objects littered the floor in those two rooms, but other than that, the house just seemed like an ordinary home. Nothing special here.

“So…this is where I lived?” I could tell I didn’t hide the disbelief in my voice, and so could Karkat.

“Yeah.” He didn’t say anything more, didn’t move, didn’t do anything. Well. If he wasn’t going to show me around or take me to this “Lusus” or whatever, then I would show myself around! I walked forward and headed towards the kitchen. Right outside the archway was a small, dark wooden side table pushed against the wall. Sitting upon it was a small, grey and blue stripped bowl.  It had a few large cracks in it that looked like they had been glued back together. I reached out my hand to touch it, to touch this little piece of my life that I knew nothing about, and suddenly the world was spinning and black, and I was thrust into an alternate reality.

_You’re standing with your back flat against the wall, trying to hide in the shadows as voices come from the food-prep room. Fear is coursing through your veins as the voices get louder. You slap a hand over your mouth to keep the sound of your breathing under control as you lean forward to try and hear what the adult trolls are saying. But, being the klutz you are, somehow manage to knock over the bowl-your favorite bowl that Karkat made you for your fourth Wriggling day- and it goes crashing to the floor. You scrunch back against the wall, your tiny heart beating wildly with fear in your chest. The voices in the food-prep room stop and you know your cover’s been blown._

            I gasped as I came-to and ripped my hand from the bowl as if it burned me. I took deep calming breaths, as my heart was still beating madly in my chest. That was the same feeling I got before, when Terezi licked Karkat’s face. It felt…eerie…it felt….like a _memory_. I shuddered and turned away from the bowl, walking into the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator, but there was no food in it. Which I guess made sense, seeing how if I did really live here, it hadn’t been for nearly thirteen years. The floors were impeccably clean, and I couldn’t find a speck of dust anywhere. How was that possible if I hadn’t been here in so long?

“Karkat?” I called out. I heard his footsteps come closer until they paused at the archway to the kitchen. I turned to him with my hands on my hips, my brows furrowed and a frown on my face. I needed to look serious! This was a serious matter.

“Why is this place so clean? I mean, if I haven’t been here in thirteen years, and even if I HAD been here, I know it would at least be covered in dust and spider webs! Or…whatever equivalent of spiders you have on this planet.” Karkat growled and crossed his arms.

“Believe me; we have spiders….psychotic spider bitch.” He muttered under his breath. I waited for his reply, but he just stood there kind of awkwardly. He shifted from foot to foot and looked everywhere except me.

“Karkat?”

“OKAY OKAY, GOG YOU JUST RILED IT OUT OF ME!!!!!” He screamed out and through his hand in the air in exasperation. My eyes widened and I took a step back at his outburst. Man, he was so weird.

“I cleaned it.” He whispered, looking at his feet. I frowned. I still didn’t understand. Why would he do that if I wasn’t here? What would he gain from doing something like that? Karkat certainly didn’t seem like the kind of guy to just clean empty houses for the fun of it…

“In case you ever came back.” He mumbled nearly inaudibly. I held my breath, and then slowly let it out. Well I felt like an asshole. Now it was my turn to stare bashfully at my feet.

“I guess we were pretty good friends, huh?” Karkat huffed and turned around, walking out of the kitchen.

“Yeah, when you weren’t pulling one of your insufferable little pranks. Every time I walked in the door, you threw asparagus at me. For the meaningless bag of shit that is me I still can’t figure out why it was asparagus, and why _every single day_ you did it, but it was annoying as hell!” I smiled and felt myself giggle slightly before clasping a hand over my mouth in embarrassment. I frowned and shuffled across the floor.

“Sorry.” I whispered quietly. Karkat just grunted in return and walked out, heading towards the stairs.

“Alright derp-shit, time to meet your daddy.” I felt my cheeks heat up and I stared furiously at the ground again, suddenly my shoelaces were incredibly interesting.

“Egbert? You coming?” I looked up and saw Karkat’s gloomy face. And shook my head to clear my thoughts.

“That _is_ what you call your human-lusus, right?” my eyes widened in realization and I felt my cheeks flush again.

“Oh, uh…yea.” I chuckled nervously and I followed Karkat up the stairs.

            The second floor was just a long, white hallway with royal blue carpeting and white doors lining the walls. Karkat stopped me at the top step and stayed there with his ear to the hall. In the silence, I heard a slight rustle of movement coming from the door directly in front of us and Karkat slowly walked towards it, ushering me forward. Once we reached the door, he put one hand on the knob and one on my shoulder. I stared at the one on my shoulder before Karkat leaned in close and whispered in my ear, “He will only recognize you, but he’d hurt me, so I’ll open the door and you rush in there. If anything goes wrong, I’m right out here.”

            I felt my cheeks heat up again but I nodded my head to try and hide it. Karkat nodded back and quickly turned the knob and the door flew open. I rushed inside and felt the door slam shut behind me.

            For a moment, all was silent. I looked all around the room and was surprised to find this room filthy and messy compared to the rest of the house. Small boys’ clothing and blankets and papers were strewn all over the place. A few drawings hung on the walls; one depicted a small boy with black hair and a blue outfit on holding hands with a huge, white bearded-lizard.

            And suddenly, the silence was broken by a low rumble and a shuffle of objects. In front of me rose a huge pile of miscellaneous items. Something big and white and scaly popped its head out from the mess until it was completely uncovered. The beast was huge; at least three times my size. It shook its huge head and looked around for an intruder, baring its tiny, sharp teeth. Its beady black eyes stopped on my. The beast took a few steps closer to me and I felt myself back away until my back was flush against the door. My heart was thudding in my chest as the beast came closer and closer until we were face to face. My eyes widened until I thought they would pop out of my head. The beasts nostrils flared and its hot breath fanned over my face. But instead of causing fear to boil more in my body, the sensation was oddly calming. The giant lizard tilted its head slightly and squinted its beady eyes at me. The beast inched its face closer to mine until our noses were touching. I gulped and stared the beast back in the face as it scrutinized me.

            Suddenly, the beasts eyes went wide as if in shock and a deep, sad sound came bursting from its throat. I yelped as it nuzzled its big head against my belly and moaned again. It looked back up at me, eyes pleading and beginning to tear up. I felt my heart squeeze at its face; it looked so sad and heart-broken. What had happened to this poor creature?

            As a single tear fell down the sad creatures face, I felt _that_ feeling bubble up inside me again, my mind started to go foggy and the world began spinning.

_You giggle as you fly into the body of your lusus, only the best prankster in the world. You plan on learning all your tricks from this guy right here, Impdad. He’s so cool. The large creature makes a noise half-way between a bark and a laugh as you run around it in the grass, your bare toes squishing in the muddy dirt. Suddenly, it starts to rain you look up at the luminescent sky in wonder, but then the rain stops. You look around and find that you are no longer on the ground! Impdad has your shirt tucked in-between his teeth and he’s carrying you back inside the house. You giggle as he sets you down on the wooden floor and slithers to the lazy room._

_***_

_You were sound asleep in your nest of blankets until your lusus comes barging in through the door, spinning around and running along the floor like a crazed buffoon. He snarls and snaps his teeth, and you know something must be wrong. You grab your “Troll hat” and head out of the room, slipping past Impdad who is still going crazy and tearing apart your room._

            My eyes shoot open and I stare at the giant lizard before me. His eyes are still clouded over with tears, and I feel a similar feeling begin to form in my eyes. I jumped forward and wrapped my arms tightly around the giant beasts’ neck; he was exactly as I remembered him.

“Impdad!” 


	8. Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

Memories began to flood through my mind like a tsunami. Memories of playing with Impdad in the river next to our house, pranking each other mercilessly, and being taught the ways of Alternia all through my childhood life. I remembered why Impdad wouldn’t let me play with anybody, why I was kept in seclusion-that is, until I met Karkat. But that side of the story was still very fuzzy. My only memories of the grumpy troll were when I was around Impdad or the like.

           I remembered Impdad showing me how to bandage my wounds quickly, because my blood color was strange. I remembered receiving a dark blue hat with holes cut into the sides, but having nothing to fill the holes. I remember making a pair of straight, solid horns out of bark from the nearby trees and coloring them with yellow and orange paint. I remember being ashamed that I was different. How could I have survived the regulated troll trials if I weren’t even a real troll?

            Pain of grief and confusion coursed through my heart as the memories flooded through my mind and body; how could I have ever forgotten such wonderful things? A place where I actual kind of felt like I belonged? A parent/lusus who loved me for _me_ , didn’t care that I was weird and deformed. I sat back slightly, cheeks tear-streaked and rosy from crying. There was a hesitant knock on the door and then, “John? Are you okay in there?”

            I quickly wiped the tears from my face and stood up, opening the door upon my ascension. Karkat was standing on the other side, stiff shouldered and wide-eyed. I took a deep, shaky breath and slowly let it out. Just as I was about to speak, I felt a bump of my legs and I went flying forward. Arms flailing, legs squirming, I expected to land face first into the hard-wood flooring, but instead landed on something kind of squishy. I looked up to find Karkat’s eyes wide with shock and cheeks slightly pink-toned. I turned to the side and saw Impdad smiling at the two of us.

            I made eye contact with my lusus and could’ve sworn I saw him wink mischievously before slithering down the stairs and into the living room. I slowly turned my head back to Karkat and felt my face burning red with embarrassment.

“I, uh, oh. Sorry!” I said miserably as I struggled to my feet. Karkat, too, was trying to get up;

“Shit! Fuckass, don’t do that! STOP! Oh fuck!” in the midst of our trials, we failed and fell again to the ground in a mess of tangled limbs and heavy, struggling breath. I felt my cheeks burn even hotter as I realized I was still very much on top of Karkat. I rolled over, landing on my back, and hopped to my feet. Seeing that Karkat was still on the ground, I offered him my hand.

“Sorry….I swear I didn’t mean to do that! Impdad bumped into me and-” Karkat stopped my jabbering with a glare.

“Calm yourself derp-brain. I’m fine.” I chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of my neck, not sure of what to say. Karkat was staring at me expectantly, but I didn’t know what he wanted.

“Well? Did you…..yanno…..remember anything?” I felt guilt ridden by the hopeful look in his eyes. I stared at my shuffling feet as I responded.

“Yeah, I remembered a lot, actually! But….uhm….not everything.” I whispered the last part. I didn’t want to see the look of disappointment on Karkat pretty, grey face when reality set in.

“Oh.” He said sadly, his voice thick. Well fudge nuggets in a bucket of poop! Hearing his disappointment was almost worse than seeing it!

“I’m sorry.” I whispered again, my voice small. I looked up to see Karkat shrug, his face void of emotion.

“Nothing anybody can do about it I guess. We’ll just have to take the shit life hands us.” He spoke as he slugged down the stairs, shoulders hunched over. I followed him down, and the more I moved through my house, the more memories kept flowing through my brain. The one time I went flying down the stairs and tripped over the railing, the time I made a huge fortress out of blankets and pretended I was a cave dweller for a solid earth-week; but no matter how hard I tried, the only memories of Karkat I could conjure to my brain were the ones from the past two days….and my dreams.

            When we reached the bottom step, Karkat took a look around and stared momentarily at the cracked bowl before heading to the living room and sitting down on one of the plush, clean, couches.

“Well, we’re going to have to get you some new clothes because it is pretty fucking obvious none of your old ones will fit you…” Karkat’s eyes looked me up and down, making me feel like an ant under a microscope when he rubbed his face exasperatedly.

“And although you look fucking great in my clothes, because who the hell wouldn’t? You need some clothes of your own.” I could feel my cheeks brightening considerably, and was looking everywhere in the room except at Karkat. _Distraction. I need a fucking DISTRACTION!_ I pleaded with myself. Did he really just complement me? I was unaware such kindness could come from Karkat’s nutrition chute. Just then, Impdad _very_ conveniently plowed through the room, slithered across the floor, and growled at Karkat before slithering back out. Mine and Karkat’s gazes’ followed the lusus through his strange actions, caught each others, and we both burst into laughter.

            I had no idea what I found so funny about it, but I just couldn’t stop laughing! I fell to the ground, clutching my aching stomach and giggling like a maniac hopped up on a sugar high like nobody’s business. I looked over to Karkat to find he had stopped laughing, but his face was plastered into a comical smile. I decided right then and there that I liked Karkat’s smile. He should do more of that.

            And then the butthole had to go and ruin the lovely, prankster mood. The smile slipped from his face almost as immediately as it had sneaked on; his more permanent, sad frown taking its place.

“Well, I guess I had better go. Leave you to your lusus and catching up and all that shit. I’ll come by in the morning to pick you up to get you your clothes.” And then he got up and started walking towards the door. My heart dropped into my stomach. How could he just leave me here? I still didn’t know that much about Alternia; I was only here for six years, and for that short time, I was mostly kept secluded because of my deformities. Surely he wouldn’t just get up and go, would he?

“Wait! Are you….you’re just gonna leave?” I caught his yellowed gaze of surprise and did my best impression of the big puppy-dog eyes. It had lost much of its charm with the addition of glasses and a manly face (because my face was, in fact, highly manly. And nobody will convince me otherwise!), but still proven to be quite effective. Karkat stood there and held his arms open to the air, mouth hanging open, and brows pulled together in confusion.

“Why not? Do you actually want me to _stay_? Why the hell would you want that? You don’t even fucking know me, Egbert.” He ended his statement with a bitter voice and a cross of his arms. Well, Mr. Karkat Mcstick-up-your-ass! No way was I gonna let him get away with that kind of attitude.

“Just ‘cause I don’t know you doesn’t mean I don’t _know_ you, you know?” Karkat’s face went back to contorted confusion.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Will you just get to the point, Egderp?” I huffed and crossed my arms. Now _I_ was getting irritated. Was he going to make me say this out loud? This embarrassing, wonderful thing? Yes. Yes he freakin was. What a pooplord.

“I dunno! I guess….even though I don’t remember you, for the most part….I _feel_ like I know you.” I felt my cheeks heating again, and I looked down at my sneaker-enclosed feet. “I feel like you’re somebody that is really important to me, and I really, _really_ want to know why.” I let the silence drip on, and the air became heavy with electricity. I felt my skin tingle as my nerves jumped into high gear. What if this was all just a huge mistake, and he doesn’t like who I am after all these years and he doesn’t want anything to do with me?! That would suck so bad…what if he thinks I’m gross, or ugly, or what if he’s too upset by the fact I don’t remember him?

“We have to wake up early tomorrow to get you new clothes before the rush of insufferable pricks that inhabit this planet wake up and smell the roses.” I looked up in surprise. Karkat’s face was turned to the side and his arms were crossed in front of his chest. His lips were pressed tightly together in a deep-set frown and it seemed as though his slate-grey cheeks had a slight red undertone to them. I perked up and clasped my hands together, rejoicing in the fatal effect of the puppy-dog eyes.

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” I asked hopefully, jumping from one foot to the other. Karkat took one glance at my excited disposition before dramatically rolling his eyes and running a slender hand through his wild hair.

“Yeah, I suppose.” I did a very manly squeal and wrapped my arms tightly around Karkat’s neck. Karkat stiffened for a second before relaxing and returning the hug. But then Karkat grunted and pushed me away slightly.

“But don’t go getting any fucking ideas, you got it? I will not be here to act as your chaperone forever Egderp. You’ve gotta learn how to get around on your own.” I smiled wildly and nodded my head, not giving a damn because _shit_ ….. SLEEPOVER WITH KARKAT. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Karkat’s POV:

            Holy Jegus what in the ever loving fuck did I get myself into here? How did this little shit stain get away with using his intense power of adorability to persuade my self-righteous thoughts? And damn it, what made him so fucking curious all of a sudden?  What could he possibly want to know about me? Why would _I_ ever be important?

            I just shook my head to clear my buzzing think-pan before heading into the nutrition-block and looking through the ice box for the sandwich making materials I had packed in there just in case. I looked over my shoulder at a figure bent over, hands on his knees, staring intently with wide eyes at my actions. I rolled my eyes and pointed to the ice box.

“What are you going to fucking observe me like an alien experiment?” John jumped in surprise before laughing nervously and rubbing the back of his head.

“Oh, uh. Sorry! I didn’t mean to.” His cheeks brightened up and I turned back around fast because I actually _liked_ how he looked when his face did that. I shuddered and started making the sandwiches. As I was finishing my sandwich, I got out my husk phone and begrudgingly contacted the only person I knew was up for my next tedious job.

_carcinoGenesis began trolling grimAuxiliatrix_

CG: HEY. I NEED A FAVOR OF YOU.

GA: Oh Really? This Is Quite The Surprise, Mr. Vantas. Might I Ask What Would Be This Momentous And Truly Wonderful Occasion?

CG: FUCK. IT’S REALLY COMPLICATED OKAY? I JUST NEED SOME CLOTHES. NOT FOR ME. CAN I BRING HIM OVER TOMORROW, SOMETIME EARLY?

GA: Not Yourself? Karkat, Due Tell Whom This Mysterious Benefactor Is. And Why Might He Need New Clothes? Has He Come Across Some grueling And Horrifying Experience In Which, for Some Odd Reason, His Poor Choice In Attire Has Caused Him A Great Deal Of Suffering?

CG: KANAYA. SERIOUSLY? I DON’T HAVE FUCKING TIME FOR THIS. I’LL EXAPLIN IT ALL WHEN WE GET THERE, IF, IN FACT, YOU ARE WILLING TO HELP. HELL AND HOOFBEAST KNOW I CAN’T PICK UP A NEEDLE TO SAVE MY LUSUS.

GA: Calm Down, Karkat. Of Course I Can Help, I Am Always At Your Service. Will You Be Here In Time To Watch The Sunset, Perhaps?

CG: WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO CATCH THE SUNSET? SHIT BURNS MY SKIN, REMEMBER? YOU’RE THE ONLY FREAK OF NATURE THAT CAN STAND THAT SHIT. AND I AM CALM!!!!!!!! I DON’T KNOW WHY EVERYBODY ARRANEOUSLY ASSUMES I AM “UN-CALM” ALL THE TIME. I AM PERFECTLY CALM. CALM AS A FUCKING EARTH-CUCUMBER, EVEN.

GA: An Earth Cucumber, You Say? Well This Is Certainly A Turn Of Events. And A Shame You Will Be Unable To Accompany Me. The Sight Is Truly Beautiful. I Will Be Expecting You And Your Comrade Early Tomorrow Then?

CG: JEGUS, YES. THANKS. BYE.

GA: Goodbye See You Soon.

_carcinoGenesis ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix_

“Whatcha doooooooooooooooin?” John leaned over the table and stared straight into my eyes. I looked away and put my husk phone away. His eyes were fucking _blue_.

“Making our plans for tomorrow, idiot. I can’t just fuck around and show up whenever the hell I feel like.” John smiled slightly and leaned back, twiddling his pink thumbs.

“Okie dokie. Sorry I asked Mr. Grumpy-wuss.” I shot him a glare, heart quickening with anger. His playful smirk only proved to make me angrier.

“IM NOT GRUMPY!!!!!!!” I shouted and stood up abruptly and began pacing the room, shooting daggers at John.

“I’m just fucking stressed, okay?” John raised his arms up in defeat,

“Sorry! I was just trying to make a joke!” I rolled my eyes, Gog I hope he didn’t start his whole pranking thing again. I kind of liked that that part of him was gone.

“Well I don’t find it very fucking funny. Jegus, what time is it anyway?” I said, quickly changing the subject and looking at the clock on the wall. John shrugged his shoulders and stood up, walking over to stand next to me.

“dunno. I don’t know if time works different here.” I observed him out of the corner of my eye as he took in his surroundings. He was about the same height as me, and his jet-black hair seemed to frame his face perfectly, although it was sticking up in all odds and ends. His pink lips were pulled down into a contemplating frown, tiny buck teeth poking out slightly. His glasses were cracked in the frame a bit, but enlarged his eyes to make him look like he was always staring wide-eyed at you. I bit my bottom lip and looked away, because _fuck_ , he was adorable.

“You wouldn’t happen to remember if you had a recouperacon, would you?” John looked at me funny before shaking his head.

“No, I always just slept in the blankets….sorry.” I shook my head to wave him off and headed back towards the living room and plopping down on the couch.

“It’s no big deal; I’ll just sleep down here.” Outwardly, I was cool and collected. No slime to sleep in? Whatever, no rush. Inwardly, however, I was panicking. I had bad dreams, horrible dreams. And that was _with_ the spoor to calm my sleep-induced think-pan. What the hell would it be like without it? Would I wake up screaming? Would I terrify John? How was I going to handle _that_?!

“What?! I can’t let my one and only guest sleep on the couch!!!!! What kind of a host would I be then?!” John asked in what I hoped was mock shock. I rolled my eyes and glared at him.

“You’re not a very good one anyways. It might even bring up your standards a bit if you ask me.” I say, kicking my feet up onto the other side of the couch. John huffed and walked around so that he was standing right in front of me, arms crossed over his chest and a look of determination on his face.

“No. I refuse to let you rest on such horrible accommodations!” I sighed and stood up, now level with him. What other choice did he fucking have? I felt myself getting slightly irritated with his think-pan games. I didn’t thoroughly fucking enjoy being messed around with.

“And where the hell else am I supposed to fucking sleep, genius?! Unless you have some hidden bedroom, you haven’t got anywhere else so just shut the hell up!” John’s face squished up and his frown deepened. He leaned forward so we were nose to nose, both of us slightly seething with our doggedness.

“You can sleep in the blanket pile, can’t you? Or have you an allergy to fluffy pillows?” John’s brows furrowed together and his eyes narrowed, daring me to answer him. Gog damn it! He was making me so pissed off!!! I bared my teeth and snapped at him.

“And just where the fuck are you going to sleep, dipshit?!” I growled out, backing up. I was so done with his bullshit. No way was he going to be pushing me around, I would fucking OWN this gogdamned battle!

“I’ll sleep in the blanket pile to! Duh!” John opened his arms up to me with a look of complete and utter incompetence on his face, as if the words I had just spoke were the dumbest thing he had ever heard. But I think the words _I_ heard come out of _his_ mouth…oh fuck his MOUTH. Shut up Karkat. Shut the ever loving fuck UP. Was he implying what I thought he was implying? Was he expecting me to sleep in the blanket pile….with him? I felt my cheeks heat up of their own accord, and knew that the horrid red was peeking through my grey skin. I think what John had said had really started to sink in for him too, because his cheeks were slowly deepening in color and he turned away from me to try and hide it.

“Well. I didn’t know it was so fucking obvious. But I am dead fucking tired. Would it please your hostess-ass to grant me the pleasure of going to sleep?” I asked drily, trying to mask the surprise and enthusiasm in my voice. John’s eyes widened for a moment before his face snapped back into his plastered-on enormous smile.

“Yeah, I’m getting pretty tired myself. I don’t think I’m used to the time difference yet. It’s like a massive amount of intense jet-lag!” he said, heading towards the staircase. I followed him, pretended I had some kind of an idea for what he was talking about, and did my very best to calm the fuck down.

John bounded up the steps and practically flew into his room; landing in a dense pile of blankets and pillows. His room was still a huge mess from being occupied only by his lusus for the past twelve years, but I had managed to air it out and dust a few things every once in a while so it wasn’t so bad. I tentatively approached the pile of blankets. How would one lay down in it to sleep? Was there a special trick or a specific way of sitting? I awkwardly sat down and patted the blankets around me. I looked up at John who was staring at me curiously. My nerves kicked up again and I felt my cheeks flush, but I frowned and pulled my brows together to try and hide it.

“Uh…just in case… I’m sorry if I start randomly screaming in my sleep or something like that. Don’t wake me up though, that wouldn’t end well. And I’m sorry if I end up scaring you.” I grumbled out, pulling my arms around my knees. John looked on with concern knitting his face.

“Are your dreams really that bad?” I nodded my head and laid down. These blankets were surprisingly comfortable. But there was no way in hell I would ever admit that to John.

“Well don’t worry. I’ll be here to chase away the scary monsters!” he said gleefully before pulling a blanket over me and lying down himself. I felt my heart beat quicken at his actions and buried my face in the coziness underneath me to hide it.

“Tch. These blankets fucking suck Egbert.” John giggled and I heard him settle down beside me. We stayed in silence for a while, and I heard his breath slow down until he must’ve been asleep. I sighed as I felt myself dozing off as well.

“Thanks John.” I whispered mostly to myself as unconsciousness consumed me.

John’s POV:

_I felt like I was floating on air; there was nothing that could possibly bring me down from this moment. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and curled my fingers through his disheveled black hair, relishing in the little noise I heard come from the back of his throat. He pressed his lips more ardently against mine and pushed me backwards until I was lying down from my spot on the couch. God, how did I get into this perfect moment? I felt my cheeks rise with heat as he laid down on top of me and curled his hands around my hips. His lips molded against mine and kissed me so deeply I thought I would drown in his essence. I moaned out as I felt his tongue slide into my mouth, sucking and playing with my own. I didn’t want this to end, I never wanted it to. I just wanted to hold him and love him for all eternity; to forever be enclosed in his warm embrace. I tightened my grip on his body, refusing to let go. His lips pulled away from mine and traveled down my neck; sucking on my collar bone and making me moan breathily. He lifted his head, and slowly his whole face came into view. Slate-grey skin glowing with warmth, cheeks tinted bright red, jet-black hair messily framing his round, perfect face, sharp teeth visible between parted, wet, black lips. His blood-red eyes were half closed and clouded over with lust. I bit my bottom lip as I felt a deep blush bar up my face. God, I fucking loved it when he had that face, it made me crazy._

_“Karkat?” The red-eyed wonder boy grunted and smashed his lips against mine._

_“Shut up.” My breath hitched as his hands moved all over my body, trailing down my back and squeezing my thighs. How he managed to touch me so RIGHT never ceased to amaze me. I felt my mind haze over and thoughts cease to become important as he rutted against me. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my lips against his as if today was the last day of our lives. I held him close to me and refused to let go. I felt him intertwine his fingers intertwine with mine as he moved forward again until his body was up flush against mine._

_“I will never, never let you go John. I will never let you go.” And that next kiss was the sweetest, loveliest kiss I’d ever felt in the whole world._

_***_

_We were lying down, limbs intertwined and chests heaving with a struggle to regain normal breathing patterns. I felt my eyes growing heavy and I just wanted to fall asleep. Karkat’s face was nuzzled into my neck and his purring told me he’d already managed to do so. I smiled and looked down at his peaceful face; he was so adorable when he was asleep, as if he hadn’t a care in the world. I wrapped my arms around him and sighed, allowing my body to slip into beautiful sleep._

            When I woke up I was aware of two things. One: I felt so warm and cuddly and awesome. That was the best rest I had ever had! Two: Karkat was tucked snuggly into my arms.

Karkat’s POV:

_I can usually tell when I’m dreaming. Things don’t add up; nothing really makes any sense. For instance, right now I know I’m dreaming because I am completely shrouded in darkness; the place I’m in is void of anything living or, well, anything at all…_

_And suddenly, in this void of darkness, I heard something. It sounded like water dripping from a leaky faucet or something. I tried turning my head, but I couldn’t move. The noise got louder and louder, as if I were moving closer to it. Then, just as I thought the sound would penetrate my ear drums and make me deaf for all eternity, there was a blindingly bright shock of illumination. I shrouded my eyes with my hands, crying out with pain. It’s got to be the Sun! I had to get out of there, but I still couldn’t move. The light died down and the black void was replaced by a bright, white one. There was nowhere in this place, just me and that constant dripping._

_Again, the dripping got louder, but not nearly as bad as before. Now I was aware that I was being moved by an unknown force; I could hear my feet echoing against unseen walls and floors and ceilings, boxing me in. As I walked, my vision began to clear and in the distance, a sight came into view. There was a ceiling, but the only way I could tell was because a large, dark red spot illuminated it. From this large, dark red spot on the ceiling dripped the same color liquid onto the floor, causing a pool of bright red._

_“No!” my heart quickened its beat as fear began to pulse through my body, taking over. But I still was not in control of my body, and forward I moved until I was standing directly under the spot in the ceiling, and the red came dripping down all over me._

_I had had similar dreams to this one before, but something felt different. I looked down at the blood pooling in my hands. It was strange because usually the blood was pooling from somewhere on my body, not from an unknown source. My body was shaking with fear, the adrenaline kicking in and suffocating my scream as the ceiling finally came out from the water-blood?- damage. Finally I was able to move, and I felt havoc wreck through my already muddled think-pan as a body fell into my arms with the plaster and blood. The weight of it falling was too much for me to handle and I fell to the ground on my knees. Plaster dust and blood was falling all around me, clouding my vision. When finally I could see, I took a closer gander at the body that had fallen from the ceiling. It was the body of a boy, a boy about my age. He was shrouded in blue garments. Blue pants and a blue sweat shirt with a long-tailed hood. His black hair was matted with blood, standing out brilliantly against his stark white, cold skin. Wait. White? Why wasn’t it grey?_

_With shaking hands I pulled back the hood to reveal his face. His pink lips slowly paling to blue as they lost the luminous pink color, bright azure eyes dulled and wide  with death and shock. My heart plummeted into my stomach and my body trembled ferociously._

_“JOHN!!!!!!!!!!!! John, wake up! Wake UP!!!!!”I shook his shoulders, but it was to no avail. Blood, as red as my own, was pooling from a giant hole in the middle of his chest, ragged and fleshy. His body was cold. The Heir of Breath no longer took the time to breathe._

_I closed my eyes as the horror and grief consumed me. I felt hot, prickling tears fall down my cheeks. Guilt flooded through my veins. This was all my fault. If only I hadn’t messed with that Gog damned transportalizer! He wouldn’t be here, he wouldn’t have suffered he wouldn’t be…_

_My body collapsed on top of him as the tears fell and my voice, horse from crying and screaming kept repeating “It’s all my fault…all my fault.” I became utterly exhausted; I couldn’t move again, and eyes felt heavy with debilitation._

_Sudden warmth engulfed my body, so warm and pleasant it was. I tried to move closer, snuggle into its warmth. I needed this. I needed something soft and comforting to take away the pain and grief in my heart. The dark void once again engulfed me as I slipped into unconsciousness._

When I awoke I was aware of two things. One: tears were still creeping down my cheeks and soft whimpers escaped my throat at the mere remembrance of my dream. Two: That warmth that engulfed me, made me feel safe? Well…it was John’s arms. 


	9. We're Going to be Friends

John’s POV:

            My eyes widened in shock and my cheeks heated considerably as the realization of my situation took hold in my brain. I gulped and tried to move away from Karkat before he woke up; terrified that he would accuse me of trying to kill him or something. But I never got the chance. A pitiful sound escaped Karkat’s lips when I tried to move away. I looked down and saw blood-red tears pouring down his cheeks, his whole body trembling with fright. The sight of him in such grief struck me through, and I immediately wrapped my arms tighter around the poor boy.

            He whined again and nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck, conjuring memories of my all too-pleasant dream. I felt my heart beat faster in my chest and my cheeks turn bright red. Where the heck had _that_ come from?!

“All my fault….all my fault!” a desperate, pleading voice whispered. I frowned and held Karkat tighter. What was _he_ dreaming about? He kept shaking and muttering things under his breath. Those terrifying blood-red tears were in a constant flow down his cheeks. I had no idea what to do! How could I help him if all of the things that scared him were made of dreams? How could I protect Karkat from his own mind? Because that was, in fact, what my body and brain were telling me to do right now. I don’t know how it happened, but some invisible force was pulling me toward this grey-skinned boy. And somehow…I wasn’t finding myself minding it one bit.

“J-John?” Karkat’s eyes were wide open and staring at me, red rimmed and glistening from crying. I nodded my head and rubbed his back gently, trying to calm him down. The black-haired boy’s nimble fingers gripped at my shirt as his eyes once again welled with tears and a heart-wrenching sob escaped his throat. My worry for him increased tenfold as he buried his face in my chest and just cried and cried, his whole little body shaking. I shooshed him and rubbed his back as he sobbed, doing all I could think of to calm him down.

“Karkat, Karkat! Shush, everything’s okay now!!!” I tried telling him, but that only made him sob louder. I sighed and brought his face out of my chest and held it in my hands. I brought his eyes up to mine and stared at him, refusing to budge. Red tears fell from his yellow eyes, providing a strange mix of colors to be associated with such a pretty face. I rubbed tears away from his cheeks with my thumbs and looked him in the eye, in one last desperate attempt.

“Karkat.” I said with as much worry and caring as I could convey to him. I let myself be free to express how I felt to Karkat. He needed something, but I had no idea what. What else was there for me to do?

“It will be okay.” Suddenly that tingling sensation came back and I knew that I would go under, remembering something from my past. But why now?! This is when Karkat needs me most! Arghhhhh! And then there was darkness.

_The rain was pouring mercilessly and thunder boomed across the dark night sky, the beautiful moon shrouded by the rain clouds. I ran as fast as I could to get out of the rain; Impdad would be SO mad at me if he found out I went into the public today! I don’t know why he never let me out and see other trolls. I just wanted to make some friends…._

_Suddenly, I heard faint whimpering and sobs coming from far in the distance. I stopped my running and stood in the rain, listening. There was only the sound of the pattering of the falling water before I heard another sniffle and voices coming from my right. I turned and headed in that direction, being careful to stay hidden and not make a sound._

_“I-I’m sorry! I swear I didn’t mean to!” A small, scraggly voice called out. He sounded scared and alone._

_“Shut up you freak! You hit me wwith that rock on purpose and wwe both knoww it!” Another whimper was followed by a hard slapping noise. My brow furrowed as I heard the distinct sound. Nobody was going to be hurting anybody on MY turf! I walked forward and saw a small clearing come into view, two individuals standing in the middle. Well…one was standing._

_“Oh! And look wwho’s the cry baby now!” A boy with lightning-bolt shaped horns on the sides of his head and a bright purple streak in his jet-black hair was standing above a small, messy looking boy with bright red tears dripping down his cheeks._

_“But I didn’t do it! It was that lispy-freak! Not me!” The purple boy scoffed and kicked the smaller boy in the chest, sending him groaning painfully to the ground. I seethed where I stood, how could he just do that to the poor guy?!_

_“Oh shut it! Don’t go blamin’ Sollux. He’s a right stupid-face but he’s not an idiot, like you!” The smaller boy whimpered again and I decided I had had enough._

_I mustered up my best meanie-face and let a growl rip through my throat as I stomped into the clearing. Both boys looked up at me in surprise._

_“Hey! You with the weird purple hair, get the heck out of here!” The boy looked at me in disbelief before smirking and crossing his arms over my chest._

_“Or wwhat? You gonna scare me away wwith your stupid freakshoww skin and lack of horns? Wwe all know wwhat a wweirdo you are!” I balled my hands into fists, anger reaching maximum level. I walked over to the poop-head and pointed my finger right in his face, baring my teeth even though they were still little and rounded._

_“I said get the hell out of here. Right NOW! I don’t give a flying hoof-beast what you think of me or this kid; I just want you away from my hive. LEAVE!” I growled out. The boy looked shocked. He stood there dumbfounded before shaking his head and turning around._

_“Pfft, fine by me. You two freaks are perfect together anywways.” And with that, he was gone. I sighed and slumped my shoulders. That was the first time I had ever spoken to another troll before…and it was exhausting._

_Remembering my reason for showing up the purple-haired jerk, I turned around and faced the boy shivering on the ground. He was staring up at me like I had three heads and a tail growing out my back end._

_“Oh, um sorry I guess, if I scared you!” I smiled and held out my hand for the boy to help him up. He was hesitant at first, but then took my hand in his own grey one. We stood there silently for a minute before I realized, again, that it was pouring rain and we were both completely drenched._

_“Oh! Hehehe, you want to come over to my place to get warmed up?”The boy looked at me again like I was crazy._

_“Why do you want me to come to your hive? I thought you were just yelling at Eridan to get him off your lawn ring.” I chuckled nervously and shook my head._

_“No, silly! I saw he was being mean to you and pitched in to help! Also…my hive is actually not here; it’s a little farther away.” The boy shook his head in amazement._

_“You must be the stupidest idiot I have ever met.” I shook my head and just smiled at him._

_“Alright, then let’s go!” I said, starting to march towards my house with my new friend following behind me._

_***_

_I handed the boy the warm milk to drink and wrapped a blanket around the both of us as I plugged in the movie wheel._

_“Oh man, this is so exciting. This is one of my favorites!” The boy looked at me funny and frowned._

_“What movie is it?” I grinned and snuggled closer into the blankets._

_“It’s the one with Troll Nic Cage and the bunny and his little daughter!” The boy groaned and smacked his forehead with his hand._

_“I just HAD to pick the weirdo. This movie SUCKS. Troll Nic Cage SUCKS!” The boy growled. Whoa. Nobody. And I mean NOBODY says that Troll Nic Cage sucks. He is awesome._

_“No he doesn’t! He’s the best!” The boy rolled his eyes and drank more of his milk, leaving a trail across his upper lip. I giggled at the sight and pointed it out._

_“Hahaha, look! You have a milk-stache!” I only laughed harder when the boy went cross-eyed trying to see it, his little pink tongue moving across his face in an attempt to lick it all off. Half way through the movie, I felt my eyes drooping._

_“What’s your name anyway?” The boy beside me asked eyes glued to the TV._

_“Johnny. What’s yours?” I caught the boy looking at me out of the corner of his eye._

_“Karkat.” I smiled and dipped my finger in my milk._

_“Well, Karkat, I can smell the beginnings of a beautiful friendship.” And with that I popped my finger on his nose, leaving a little white dot of milk. The boy rolled his eyes and growled at my laughter._

_“Beautiful friendship my butt if you keep pulling this crap!” I just giggled and smiled at him as he tried again, to lick the milk off his nose. Karkat. Huh. What a weird name._

            I gasped as I came-to, face to face with none other than the infamous Karkat Vantas of my dreams, and now memories. His face was wide with fear and confusion.

“John are you ok-OOF!” I smothered him in my hug, rolling around and around as the memories flew through my brain at break-neck speed. Karkat coming over to play for the first time, Karkat introducing me to Terezi, Karkat scrapping his knee and crying his eyes out like a big old baby cause he though I wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore. The real life, present Karkat was grumbling underneath me and pushing against my chest as I smothered him. I let go of him slightly and he lifted his head, gasping for air.

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK JOHN?!?!?!? ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCKING KILL ME?!” I just shook my head and hugged him closer again because _how_ could I ever have forgotten my best, _best_ friend? I would have done anything for him! And it killed me to know that he had to live with me not remembering.

“Karkat! Karkat, I REMEMBER!” I said, smiling to my ears. I felt an enormous weight lift off my chest as I said those words; I felt like I could fly. Karkat's eyes widened again, trying to see if I was telling the truth or not.

“You…remember…me?” Karkat’s voice was small now, his anger completely deflated. I nodded my head vigorously and felt my whole body fill with warmth as a smile grew across Karkat’s face.  I giggled and smirked. Prankster mode: activated.

“Pfft. All these things are coming back to me now…you were SUCH a little wriggler!” Karkat’s face went back to anger and he growled, turning over in the blankets away from me.

“Well at least I wasn’t a nook-sniffing lusus-kiss ass!” I laughed and punched him in the arm playfully. I couldn’t be happier right now, than I was with my long-lost friend.

            Karkat slowly sat up and stretched his arms up high to the sky, yawning. He kind of reminded me of a cat; but then when he came back down he slumped and that sad, sad look returned to his bright eyes and made my heart clench in my chest. We sat in silence for what seemed like ages, not saying or doing anything.

“Karkat…what did you dream about last night?” Karkat’s body immediately went rigid and his eyes contracted slightly.

“I didn’t dream about anything.” When he spoke his voice was cold, and I knew he was hiding it from me.

“Bull shit. When I woke up you were sobbing and shaking all over! What’s wrong?” Karkat turned away from me, throwing off the blankets and getting up.

“I don’t want to fucking talk about it, John. Get your skinny little ass up and get ready to go, we need to leave soon.” He growled out before storming out of the room. I sighed and rubbed the sleepies out of my eyes before getting up and ready to go. Whatever lay ahead of us, I hoped with all my heart that it was something good.

***

Karkat’s POV:

            We walked out into the darkened night together, clad in the same clothes we’d come in. something had changed about John. Maybe it was the fact that he remembered mostly everything now; he held himself different. He didn’t look scared of everything that passed him, or in awe of his strange surroundings. He walked tall and sure of himself, like he owned the world.

“So where exactly are we headed? Who is this mysterious person we’re off to see?” John asked, voice chipper and cheery besides the fact I had eluded the topic of my horrific dream state. I sighed and ran a clawed hand through my hair, taking a turn towards the Fashion-literate Troll’s Hive.

“I have a…. _friend_ , I guess you could say, who has agreed to aid us in the catastrophic task complying of your incompetent source of rags.” John smiled up at me and twirled around until he was on my other side.

“And what might this wonderful friends name be so as I may be able to thank him or her properly upon arrival for their service?” John’s cobalt eyes gleamed mischievously as he awaited my reply. I growled as I realized he was poking fun at my horrific mood.

“Her name is Kanaya, but don’t go complementing her or anything. It might make her head too big for her shoulders.” John giggled and skipped ahead of me. Why was he so fucking happy? Couldn’t he just calm the fuck down for once?

“Well then lets gooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He sang out. I cringed at his lack of pitch and hurried to catch up with my adorable companion.

            When we arrived, John was giddy with excitement and just wouldn’t stay still. He kept looking around at Kanaya’s hive, marveling at its complexity.

“Hey idiot, get over here so we can get on with this mundane task.” John sighed and came over to stand next to me on the stoop. I held my hand in a fist to knock upon the door, but before I could do so a young, fashionable troll opened it wide and swept her arm out to let us in.

“Greetings, my good friends. Won’t you come inside out of this dreary cold night and into my warm and comforting abode?” John eagerly stepped inside the hive and I followed suit, rolling my eyes. If she put on a fucking show, Egbert would never want to leave.

            Kanaya immediately swept me into a body-crushing hug. I squeaked (very manly, mind you) with surprise.

“K-Kanaya! Stop and get the fuck off of me!” Kanaya chuckled to herself and pulled away, holding me arms length away.

“Most pleasant, as always I see! Now would you please introduce me to this magnificent individual you were speaking of last night?” I pulled out of her firm grasp and walked over to John, who was ogling at a portrait hanging on the wall.

“This asshole over here is John Egbert. As you can see, he needs some clothes.” I looked down at the black-clad boy. Not that I didn’t mind him wearing my clothes in the least… Kanaya walked over, hand placed delicately in thought under her chin.

“Yes, yes, I can see. Well, John Egbert, it is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance.” She smiled gently at the boy, who in return split a tooth-bearing grin.

“Hiya! It’s nice to meet you to!” Kanaya opened her arms and led John into a room off to the side littered with bolts of fabric, thread, mannequins, and half-finished articles of clothing.

“Karkat, why don’t you sit over there and be a critique to the work we perform today.” I grunted in response and sat in a pile of fabric scraps waiting to observe the monstrosity before me.

            Kanaya threw some fabric out of the way and stood John up on a pedestal in the middle of the room. The girl walked around the room, gazing at John from all angles before turning and rummaging through her stockpiles. She got out bolts of fabric in bright blue, dark blue, black, red, yellow, and green. With these she started wrapping them around John, trying to decide what color she liked best.

“John, I believe that blue is the color most suited for your pale complexion. This dark black is just washing you out; you need something brighter to bring out the hues of your eyes and natural flush of your cheeks.” I saw John’s eyes moving all around, trying to keep up with what Kanaya was doing as she took measurements, cut, sewed, and wrapped.

            Soon she had the awed human into an all-blue outfit. His sky-blue shirt fit snuggly on his lanky chest, giving him a more defined look. His pants were a navy color in a similar fit to my own; tight on his perky ass and bunched at the ankles.

Wait…what did my think-pan just spew?!?!?!?!?

            I shook my head to clear it and continued my observation. Around his shoulders was a huge, long hood the same color as his pants. When Kanaya was done making all the finishing touches, the blue-adorned boy spun around and struck a saucy pose in front of me.

“Hey Karkat! What do ya think?” I could feel the heat buildup in my cheeks as John waggled his eye brows at me. I coughed and looked away to hide my heart-thudding embarrassment.

“You look fucking fine.” In reality he looked fucking amazing, but there was absolutely no way in HELL I was going to admit that. Just make his head bigger than it already was.

            Kanaya smiled and nodded her head in approval.

“Yes, John. I must say blue really is your color, you pull it off so well.” John smiled at the troll girl, showing off those pearly white teeth of his.

“You’re amazing, Kanaya! This is so awesome! I feel like a super hero or something!” John jumped off the pedestal, punching the air “heroically” while doing so and bent down to hug the Fashionista. Kanaya chuckled and patted his back.

“Well, I must say you do flatter me, John. Now off you go! I must get to work making a few more outfits for you. I assume this style is something you both accede to?” John and I nodded synonymously, which was a bit unnerving to me but I brushed it off.

            We left Kanaya to her sewing and headed out the door, only to find it pouring rain.

“Fuck! Gog damnit!” I growled and pulled my shirt up over my head to shield it from the rain, but that just left my lower back to suffer through the cold wet. John chuckled as he pulled his hood over his own head.

“What in the ever loving fuck are you laughing at, Egbert?” John shuffled closer to me and put an arm around my shoulders.

“You.” I growled and punched him in the arm. I was having none of his shenanigans right now. I was cold and wet. And a cold and wet Karkat was a fucking pissed off as fuck Karkat.

“Jeez, calm down grumpy pants-” I pulled away from him and threw my arms into the air with exasperation, why could he not get it through his thick fucking skull?!

“IM NOT FUCKING GRUMPY YOU ASS HAT! Now let’s move so we can get out of this fucking rain, or I swear to Gog I will shred you to pieces!” John just smiled and moved closer to me again. What the fuck was he doing? Why wasn’t he getting angry back at me? Why was he always fucking _smiling_?!

            Suddenly I felt a warm, soft material move over my head. My eyes shot open and I looked to my side only to find myself face-to-face with none other than the gloriously stupid John Egbert. He had opened his hood so both of our heads were in it. I growled and tried to take myself out of the stupid contraption but found it quite impossible.

“Egbert get the fuck off me!!!” John once again put his arm around my shoulders and just held me closer to him. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks and Gog damnit I couldn’t take this anymore!!!!! Just what the hell did he think he was doing?

“Relax Karkat! I’m only making sure you don’t get wet!” John’s grip on me was solid, and he refused to let me go. I growled and turned my lips into a frown. It wasn’t like I didn’t enjoy it. On the contrary; I actually _liked_ how close the idiot was, and how he didn’t pull away from my grotesque body. His arm around my shoulders felt kind of nice; it made me feel safe. But I didn’t want to feel safe, or warm. I knew from experience that as soon as I felt like I finally belonged somewhere, when someone _actually_ enjoyed my bullshit company, they would betray me or be ripped away and I would be left with a gaping hole in my blood-pumper.

            When we finally got back to his hive, I got out of John’s hold as fast as I could. For a moment I thought I saw a flicker of disappointment cross his startling blue eyes, but I knew it must’ve been a trick of the light. John was never anything but happy and content.

            John moved into the living room and started searching through his small array of films to find anything “good”. Good luck to him, all of that crap was horrible. As I followed him into the room and plopped down on the sofa, I felt a buzzing in my pocket and opened it up to find none other than my moirail badgering me.

_terminallyCapricious began trolling carcinogenesis_

TC: WeLl Up AnD HeY ThErE MoThErFuCkIn BeSt FrIeNd. :o)

CG: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT, ASSHOLE?

TC: Aw, No NeEd To GeT YoUr MoThErFuCkIn PaNtIeS In A TwIsT BrO. JuSt AlL AnD ChEcKiN On A MoThErFuCkEr. HoWs YoUr NeW FrIeNd? :o)

CG: HE’S FUCKING FINE. CURRENTLY HE IS SEARCHING THROUGH HIS DISGUSTING ASSORTMENT OF TROLL CINEMA TRYING TO FIND A “GOOD” MOVIE. THIS I IMAGINE TO BE AN UNDAUNTING TASK DUE TO HIS CIRCULAR REASONING SKILLS. IS THAT WHAT YOU FUCKING WANTED?

TC: HeLl YeAh BrO. ThAt WaS A MoThErFuCkIn MiRtHfUl DeScRiPtIoN Of HiM. SoUnDs LiKe MiRaClEs :0)

CG: ONLY NOT REALY AT FUCKING ALL. I KEEP GETTING ALL THESE WEIRD FEELINGS AROUND HIM AND I WANT IT TO END, ITS FUCKING ANNOYING. OH FUCK AND NOW HE’S PUTTING ON ONE OF THOSE DUMB AS FUCK MOVIES. JUST FUCKING GREAT.

TC: Oh MaN. SoUnDs LiKe A BrO Is AlL Up In NeEd Of A MoThErFuCkIn FeElInGs JaM. HoNk!

CG: NO, GAMZEE, I DO NOT NEED TO SIT IN YOUR STUPID, FILTHY HORN PILE AND TALK ABOUT MY “FEELINGS.” I AM FUCKING FINE.

TC: AlLrIgHt. BuT WhEn WiLl A MoThErFuCkEr AlL Up AnD Be AbLe To SeE ThIs LiTtLe HuMaN BrO?

CG: HOPEFULLY NEVER. I WOULDN’T WANT YOU INFLUENCING HIM FUCKASS.

TC: :0( Aw CoMe On BrO. I’m NoT ThAt BaD Am I? YoU SeEm To Be MoThErFuCkIn FiNe EvEn WiTh My MiRtHfUl InFlUeNcE.

            I growled at my phone. Why the fuck does he pull that card now? He was right after all; He was perfectly harmless as long as he wasn’t sober… Something just kept preventing me from wanting to introduce John to the other Trolls.

CG: FUCK YOU. FINE. WHEN DO YOU WANT US TO COME OVER ASSHAT?

TC: HoNk! :0) AnYtImE Is MoThErFuCkIn ChIlL, BrO. It'S JuSt Me AnD TaVbRo.

            Aw shit, I’d forgotten about the stuttering cripple. John would fucking eat him up and take all of his attention.

CG: FINE. SEE YOU LATER.

TC: AdIoS MoThErFuCkEr.

_carcinoGenesis ceased trolling terminallyCapricious._

            I sighed as I put my phone away. I looked over to find John leaning over, completely engrossed in his horrible movie. His bright eyes flickered back and forth as he watched the screen with rapture; his mouth hung open in astonishment, looking like he was going to fall right off his seat in anticipation. I felt my lips curve up into a slight smile as I observed him. Well hell. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“Come on John, we’re going to go meet some people.” John’s head immediately snapped up.

“Who? Another troll?” he asked excitedly, mouth turned up into a bright smile exposing his little buck teeth. I nodded my head and rolled my eyes.

“Don’t look so happy about it. My species is a horrible violent race. You could be culled at any moment.” I said leaning forward my eyes narrowing to slits. John just giggled and pushed me away.

“Why would I have to worry about that when I have a handsome, strong troll like you to protect me, Karkat?” John smirked and waggled his eye brows at me. I turned around and crossed my arms over my chest, trying to hide the fact that what I had just witnessed sent my cheeks ablaze.

“Good. Glad you think so highly of me. Now go get ready, idiot.” John chuckled from behind me and bounced to his feet.

“Who are we going to see, anyways?” I shook my head and pulled a hand through my hair.

“My Moirail, Gamzee Makara.” I could not believe I was actually about to do this. 


	10. Clint Eastwood

John’s POV:

            The whole way there, Karkat kept grumbling about his moirail. When he was exceptionally exasperated in his complaining, he hands would fly into the air and wave around as if he were trying to brush away the annoyance. I smiled to myself at his exasperation, he kept getting so worked up about it and it was positively adorable.

“Now let me tell you, John Egbert, because even though you may have been on this planet before and met a few trolls, Gamzee is fucking insane. You know that sopor in my reacouperacon that helps me sleep at night? Yeah? Well Gamzee fucking _ingests_ the shit. He makes it into pies and shit and eats it. I have no idea whatever gave him that fucking ludicrous idea, but now his think-pan is all sloshed up and melted in his thick skull. He does weird fucking shit and is just…..really dumb I guess.” At the end of his rant, Karkat was running his hands through his unruly hair, staring blankly at the ground. I smiled and patted my trolly friend on the back.

“It’s okay; I think I’ll be able to handle him!” Karkat stares at me like I’ve grown three heads.

“You haven’t even met him yet, how do you know you’ll be able to handle his bat-shit insanity?” I shrugged my shoulders and looked away from Karkat, thinking about my whole life on Earth.

“I’ve probably seen worse.” I said quietly. Karkat didn’t say anything after that, and I wondered about how much of my life he’d seen. The rest of the way to Gamzee’s hive was silent.

#0#

            We walked up to a large, tall building with a bright green door. Karkat was still grumbling to himself and had on his best ‘I-am-so-pissed-off-holy-fuck’ face as he went up to the door, knocking upon its brightly colored wood.

“Uh, j-just a, uh, second!” a muffled voice came from inside. Karkat groaned and face palmed.

“Jegus Christ, not _him_!” I was surprised when the door opened to a small, meek looking troll with long, bull-like horns coming out of the side of his head.

“Oh! Uh, hi, Karkat! And, uh, friend, I guess….um, Come in!” The little troll blushed a tan color as he stepped back to let us in. I punched Karkat in the shoulder in exasperation. Gamzee was adorable!

“Karkat! Gamzee is absolutely nothing like you said he would be!” I crossed my arms and frowned at him. Karkat visibly stiffened and gave me a strange look before crying out in annoyance and throwing his arms into the air.

“THIS ISN’T GAMZEE YOU FUCKWAD!”  I just rolled my eyes and looked to the troll whose expression seemed a bit taken back by Karkat’s out-burst.

“Well if he isn’t Gamzee then who the hell is he, Karkat?!” I said, equally irritated now. This was getting a bit out of hand in my own, personal opinion.

“Oh! Um, hi! My name is, uh, T-Tavros!” Karkat slumped his shoulders and sighed as if this ordeal was the worst thing to ever grace is all-knowing presence.

“See? I fucking told you.” I elbowed Karkat in the ribs, but decided to otherwise completely and blatantly ignore him.

“Well, then. My apologies, Tavros. It is very nice to me-” Suddenly the door closed sharply behind us and hands gripped my face from behind me, cutting off my vision.

            I immediately began struggling, kicking and screaming for my life. I hated feeling like I was trapped, and right then I felt like I was trapped. I was sure someone was trying to kidnap me. My heart was beating faster than it had ever been in my life. I screamed and held out my arms, reaching desperately for something to grab onto.

“K-Karkat! Help me!!!!!!” I cried out, tears beginning to well up in my eyes. What if this person kidnapped me and I would never be able to see Karkat again, so soon after I had finally found him?

            The world just as suddenly came back to me as strong hands gripped my wrists and pulled me out of the grip of my captor. I saw Karkat, eyes wide and seething with anger. I didn’t care if he was mad at me though; I threw myself at him and buried my face in his shoulder.

“Holy fucking Christ. Why in the LIVING HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT GAMZEE?!?!?!?” I heard a soft chuckle from behind me.

“Man, there’s no need to get your panties all up in a motherfuckin’ twist bro! I was just surprising a cute little motherfucker.” I slowly turned around to face an exceptionally tall and skinny troll; he had face paint all over his face, a grin plastered to his clown-like expression. Was this some kind of sick joke?

            This “Gamzee” character bent over and frowned, staring at me. I coward back and found myself in Karkat’s arms. I felt my cheeks flush slightly at this and looked to the ground, trying to avoid him.

“Aw, I’m motherfuckin sorry if I scared you bro, I never all up and meant to!” I sighed and stepped forward, away from Karkat and closer to Gamzee, who still terrified me, but less so since I put a face to the strange guy.

“It’s alright. I guess I kind of over reacted, too. Truce?” I held out my hand and smiled at the lanky troll. Gamzee stared at my hand, mesmerized. He crouched down so he was eye level with it, his mouth hanging open in awe.

“What the motherfuck is this? Your hand is all pink and tiny, bro. Did you know that?” I smiled and nodded my head.

“Yeah, I’m a human, so I don’t have grey skin or horns.” Gamzee straightened up, shaking his head back and forth.

“Motherfuckin miracles, bro.” It was at this point in time Karkat decided to speak.

“Fuck. You. Gamzee, I already told you John was human! Great, and now that you know each other, yes very nice to see your perturbed face, nice to see you Tavros, we’ll be on our merry fucking way.” Karkat grabbed my hand and started towards the door, but Gamzee was faster and stepped in front of him, blocking the door.

“Come on, bro! Live a little! Haven’t motherfuckin seen you since you got all up and depressed about not being able to find John-bro. But now you found him! So we can motherfuckin chill over a little pie, now can’t we?” Gamzee asked eyes wide with hope. I smiled, prankster mood at one hundred percent.

“You got sad cause you couldn’t find me?” Karkat flushed bright red, eyes widening with surprise. I giggled and nudged him the shoulder. His grumpy face was back and he shoved me to the side.

“Fine! I guess we’ll fucking stay for a little while…” Gamzee smiled wide and stepped away from the door, towards Tavros, who was standing quietly in the corner.

“Miracles. Let’s go over here!” Gamzee swooped and picked up Tavros bridal-style, walking him grandly into what appeared to be the living room.  

“Ah! Uh, Gamzee! P-put me down!” Gamzee just smiled even wider and sat down on the couch, plopping Tavros into his lap. The cute little troll blushed slightly and sighed.

“Th-thanks Gamzee.” Karkat and I sat on the other couch opposite theirs. Gamzee and Karkat launched into conversation; updating each other on the lives they had been living. Tavros stared awkwardly at me before sliding off Gamzee’s lap and coming towards me.

“Do you, uh, want me to uh, show you around?” I smiled and stood up, saluting Tavros with my left hand.

“That would be lovely, comrade! Thank you!” Tavros smiled back and led me out of the living room, where Karkat and Gamzee continued talking as if we’d never left. We took a left down the hallway and started walking up a flight of stairs.

“So…you live with Gamzee?” Tavros blushed tan again and nodded his head shyly.

“Yeah. Uh, somebody burned down my, uh, hive one day. So Gamzee, uh, let me and my lusus stay with him.” Tavros’ smile was positively endearing, and I smiled back.

“Then is Gamzee always like this?” Tavros nodded again.

“Yes. Sorry about before! He, uh, can be a little hard to handle…..at times….but he’s, uh, really nice!” Tavros smiled as he led me up to the top floor of the hive. We were in an attic of sorts; there were miscellaneous items strewn all over the hard wooden floor and a giant window streaming in pale fuchsia light from the Alternian moon.

“Well, this is, uh, the top floor. We don’t really go up here cause, uh, it’s kinda a mess. But it’s, uh, got a nice view of the, uh ocean.” Tavros’ smile was small but bright as he walked over to the large, floor-to-ceiling contraption. Looking out was a view unlike any I had ever seen.

            Below me was a color-laden world filled with houses and trees and shrubbery, cliffs and mountains and forests in such a variety of texture, content, and color it made my head swim! To the right of this magnificent view were dark waters painted with the purple reflection of the moon. I was in awe of its beauty, how could such a beautiful place have ever existed without a care in the world? I pointed excitedly to the water, gripping with my free hand Tavros’ shoulder.

“Tavros! Is that…..is that the ocean?” Tavros nodded and sat down, holding his head in his hands as he stared at the view.

“Pretty isn’t it?” I nodded my head vigorously and joined him on the floor. Staring at the waves crashing upon the sand of a nearby beach, I saw a giant white creature shoot out of the ocean’s surface and then crash back into its depths. I gaped, wide eyed, at the magnificent beast. It slithered under the surface of the ocean’s waves, coming closer and closer to the shore. Tavros yelped when I pointed out the beautiful creature to him and jumped into a standing position. He looked startled as he turned and started running towards the exit.

“Tavros! Is something wrong?” The boy turned around and smiled apologetically.

“No, uh not really, I’m sorry, this is just, uh really important to, uh Gamzee. I have to go, uh tell him!” I followed the worried troll all the way back down to the first floor, Where Gamzee and Karkat were still talking; Gamzee nodding his head knowingly while Karkat’s hands were pulling through his hair in exasperation. They both looked up in surprise, but Gamzee was the first to speak.

“What’s got your face all up and worrisome, Tavbro?”

“Goatdad is here.”

#0#

Karkat’s POV (a little while earlier):

            I watched as Tavros led John away and up the stairs. I growled to myself and slumped my face into my hands. Something _had_ to be wrong with me. Gamzee had stopped talking about how he’d gotten Tavros to try some of his pie and was staring at me with a rapt expression on his face.

“Come on, bro. I can practically hear ya all up and motherfuckin screamin your head off. Spill your motherfuckin guts, haven’t had a good feelings jam in a while, have we?” I groaned and threw my head back in annoyance. The damn clown could practically read my thoughts, which I guess was probably a good thing if he was my moirail. I sighed and began my rant.

“Fuck it all to hell, Gamzee! I’m sick of all this feelings bullshit, it doesn’t make any sense and it just keeps pushing through my think-pan more than a gog damned worm through the dirt. You know how I was! I had tried so fucking hard to get him back here! I attempted every little theory and experiment to push through the barrier and get him back over here, but nothing fucking worked. I had to just sit and watch him every, single, long, meticulous day just to make sure he was okay! And then that asshole took him away from his hive with all the strange little pink children with no lusus’ and to that fucking scum bag shit wagon of a place. They did horrible things to him, Gamzee. Shit-brain crazy horrible things to him, and he couldn’t do anything to change it! He was helpless to his tormentors, and I was helpless to help him. I couldn’t save him. And then he started hurting himself because he couldn’t handle it anymore, and it killed me, Gamzee! It fucking killed me! It felt like a huge hole was being ripped slowly through my chest cavity, ripping me to pieces as I watched him cave in on himself. And then….just when I’d lost any and all hope that I’d ever had…he was back. I don’t know how he did it, Gamzee. He was just…there one second and here the next. All burnt up and scared, I could hardly believe it. Then, to add insult to injury, he was here, but he couldn’t remember a Gog damned thing! He didn’t have a fucking clue who he was, who I was, who his own fucking lusus was, hell he didn’t even know what a lusus _was_! It was horrible. I felt horrible. It was all my fault. 

“But then he started to remember, slowly, but surely. I showed him Impdad, and his hive, and it started coming back to him. And he just did the stupidest shit ever! He kept insisting I was with him every fucking minute of the live-long day, and it was infuriating. He even wanted me to sleep in his dumb little nest of blankets, which was insane because I had horrible dreams.” I shuddered at the memory as images of John, dead and bleeding filled my mind. My hands were shaking and my pulse was at its peak as I told my story.

“And then he remembered me, and I thought I was…I don’t know. Shit! I was just really fucking happy, okay? There I said it, Karkat the eternal grouch was actually fucking happy for once.” Gamzee smiled lazily at me and shook his head with amusement

“Miracles, bro, mother fucking miracles.” I rolled my eyes. Gog, not his miracle speech again. I’d definitely had enough of that.

“But I don’t want to be happy, Gamzee. Cause I only get hurt when I’m happy. Everything hurts, and I don’t know why. It’s all just so fucking confusing and I can’t fucking take it!” Gamzee sighed and walked over, sitting beside me and patted my head.

“The motherfucking red quadrant can up and do that to you, bro. Its motherfucking miraculous though.” Gamzee starred off into space, but upon hearing his words I went rigid with fear. There was no way. Right? I couldn’t possibly be flushed for John that would be stupid. He’d only been here for what, five days? How could I have possibly fallen red for him in such a short amount of time? Besides, there was no way in all Alternia he would ever feel flushed for me, so it would be pointless to think otherwise. I sighed and tried calming myself down. No. I wasn’t flushed for John. There was no way.

“Fuck that, Gamzee. I don’t think a red quadrant even fucking exists for me. I’m too much a mutant. I should be lucky I even managed to fill the pale quadrant!” Gamzee clucked his tongue, an action that seemed befitting one of those “mother hens” I’d heard about from observing John’s Earth world.

“Don’t get motherfucking down on yourself, Karbro! You’re a freakin bitchtits guy! Any troll, or, I guess…pink human friend alien thing would be motherfucking happy to have you. You are the motherfucking miraculous shit, and I betcha that little pink friend of yours is all up and flushed for you to!” I felt my cheeks turning bright red and shook my head back and forth exasperated.

“Shit! Gamzee! This can’t be fucking happening!” I cried out, pulling my hands through my hair in despair. Gamzee just chuckled and patted my head again.

“You just gotta motherfucking chill, bro.”

            Suddenly footsteps were heard running down the stairs and stopped abruptly in front of us. I looked up to find Tavros, looking quite worried, and John with his classic look of utter confusion plastered to his face.

“What’s got your face all up and worrisome, Tavbro?” Tavros frowned and stared at Gamzee with a look that said it before he did.

“Goatdad is here.”

#0#

            The four of us went completely still for a moment, but just as suddenly as the two little cretins ran down the stairs, Gamzee was running out the door before any of us could stop him. I sighed and I got up, following him with Tavros close behind me. As I ran out the door, I heard John crying out “Wait! What’s a….Goatdad?” I growled and turned to Tavros.

“You follow him, I’ll be right behind you, I just have to get John or else he’ll get lost or some shit.” Tavros nodded and ran off after Gamzee. I sighed; I hope this didn’t turn out like last time…

            John was standing in the doorway, looking completely out of place. I growled and grabbed his hand, pulling him after me.

“Come on, asshole. We’ve got a moirail to save from himself.” John groaned and threw his hands into the air.

“What do you mean? I’m so confused! Whose Goatdad and what the hell did he do to Gamzee to make him so upset?” my eyes widened as I realized what John had said; I hadn’t anticipated him even having that much understanding of the situation at hand. I sighed and continued running towards the beach.

“You know how I have a lusus, and you have a lusus, and every troll on Alternia has a lusus, unless of course they are orphaned by unfortunate events?” John nodded his head.

“Well, Gamzee’s lusus is none of those. He lives in the sea, even though Gamzee lives on the land, and hardly ever visits him. It’s due to his lack of lusai instruction and protection that Gamzee became addicted to the sopor and got so messed up the way he did. So whenever Goatdad _does_ visit Gamzee, my stupid moirail does everything he can to spend as much time with him as he can. But Goatdad always leaves, and Gamzee always feels abandoned afterwards. The two are never a good mix.” John’s expression softened and he nodded his head.

“That’s really sad.” John spoke quietly. I looked over my shoulder as I ran and saw a sad look in his cerulean eyes.

“That’s life.” I said bitterly, and we kept running.

            When we finally reached the beach, Gamzee was holding Goatdad’s head in his lap, talking to him softly. Tavros was standing a ways behind, not wanting to disturb the pair. I walked up to the bull-horned boy, catching my breath.

“How’s it going?” Tavros cringed and sighed.

“As good as, uh, it can be, I guess…he’s going to, uh, leave soon though.” As if on cue, the giant sea-dwelling lusus lifted its giant head and softly nuzzled its face against Gamzee’s. It was a strange sight to see; every time Gamzee was with his lusus, he reverted to the mindset of a child. He looked younger, more vulnerable at that time more than ever. As the giant began to move away, Gamzee stood up and reached out for him.

“No! Dad! Don’t go, please!” I cringed; the desperation in his voice was pitiful. Goatdad turned away and started sinking back into the depths of the sea. Gamzee followed him into the water, toppling over and landing face first into its tides. Tavros stepped forward until he was at the water’s edge, making sure Gamzee didn’t go too far.

            My moirail jumped up and started swimming after his lusus, but couldn’t get very far due to his poor swimming capabilities. I sighed and ran towards the sea, taking off my shirt and diving in after him. I shuddered at the ice-cold waters of the sea, but kept swimming until I made it to my doggy-paddling friend.

“Gamzee, come on, it’s time to go home.” Gamzee turned to me, dark purple tears flowing down his cheeks.

“Bro! But…Goatdad! I’ve gotta find him!” I shook my head and wrapped an arm around Gamzee’s too-thin waist.

“He’s gone, Gamzee. He’ll be back again, I promise. Now come on, we’ve gotta get you out of here before the sea-dwellers find us in here.” Gamzee struggled, but he was weak from exerting himself. I managed to pull him back to shore without trouble, where he curled up into as tiny a ball of depressing troll flesh he could and let his purple tears flow from his bright yellow eyes. I waved Tavros over and together we got Gamzee standing and half-way back to normal. John followed us back to the hive, and stood quietly out of the way as Tavros and I changed Gamzee out of his wet clothes and wrapped him up in a blanket on the couch. I looked to Tavros as he sat, stroking Gamzee’s hair as the poor guy slept.

“Will you be okay if I leave?” Tavros nodded his little head, smiling slightly.

“Yeah. I’ll uh, contact you, if, uh, he needs you.” I nodded my head and led John out of the hive and back onto the street.

“Well that was quite the eventful day, wasn’t it?” John nodded, but something about him was off again. He wasn’t smiling; he just looked sad. I stopped and turned him to face me. I thought about what Gamzee had said earlier, and immediately regretted it. I fought my own blush, and patted John on the head, trying to copy Gamzee’s soothing gesture.

“What’s wrong you dumb-butt?” John’s lips curved into an amused smile and shook his head.

“It’s nothing, I’m all good. Let’s just go home.” I nodded and wrapped an arm experimentally around his shoulders, holding him close to let him know I was there if he needed me, although I’m sure he already knew that. Ugh. This was stupid. I was being stupid. Whatever made me think this would ever work? I growled to myself and started to pull my arm away, but John rested his head on my shoulder and we continued walking.

Maybe I wasn’t as dumb as I thought.     


	11. Crystallize

JOHN’S POV:

            The moment we stepped inside my hive I felt my shoulders droop with exhaustion. All I wanted was to sit down and watch a good movie under a cuddly blanket. Preferably with a grumpy troll who shall remain nameless. I chucked my shoes off and ran into the living room, plopping myself down on the couch. Karkat was grumbling as he carefully took off his own shoes and placed them neatly in the corner of the front room. I smiled to myself as I observed his tedious actions. The violet moon was traveling across the sky, nearly at its set. I rolled over so I was facing the ceiling and smiled as I listened to Impdad running around upstairs.

            Karkat, still grumbling, shuffled into the kitchen and began banging things around. I furrowed my brows as a particularly loud clatter came from the room, followed by a crude shout of, “ _FUCK!!!!!_ ” I shot up from my sitting position and stood to find out what all the ruckus was about.

“You okay Karkat?” I asked, walking into the kitchen to find a seething troll on the white-tiled floors. Karkat glared up at me, crossing his arms over his chest in a pout.

“Do I fucking look okay to you, _John_?!” I shook my head and held out a hand to help him up. Karkat glared at me, teeth barred, before begrudgingly taking what was offered him.

“No, you don’t; but that’s why I asked.” Karkat grumbled and started picking up the pots and pans. I smiled and reached out to help him.

“So what were ya doin’ exactly?” Karkat sighed and slammed a frying pan down on the counter-top. He ripped open a cupboard and started pulling out ingredients from the various shelves.

“I was trying to make you weird Earth food. It required a lot of fucking shit so when I’m done you’d better be fucking great full you little shit!” Karkat huffed, shoulders scrunched up as he slammed things around. I felt something strange burrow its way into my head at the thought of Karkat making “earth food” for me. Ginning widely, I reached forward and stopped Karkat’s hand from turning the cupboard into kindling.

“Can I help you?” Karkat grumbled and pulled his hand away from mine, pink dusting his cheeks. I smiled wider and took that as a yes.

            Hopping around the little kitchen I pulled familiar looking things from random shelves and the ice-box. I pulled out the pizza crust once it had finished rising and showed Karkat how to flip it into a circle.

“Here, you hold it on both sides and through it like this- yea! That’s right! You’ve, oh-!” Karkat’s pizza crust landed on his head, concluding the pizza-tossing trials with one good pizza crust and one angry troll.

            I sat in excitement, waiting for Karkat to have the first piece. Upon discovery of this whole “pizza” thing, he claimed to have “never thought of mixing the bread dough with the red shit” and to the oven it went! As Karkat took his first bite, testing the gooey substance in his mouth, his face contorted first into distaste; he looked like I’d fed him a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. But then, after the initial shock went away, his face softened and he held the pizza slice back to admire it from a distance.

“Humph. I guess this pizza shit isn’t _that_ horrendous…I suppose its edible.” He said, taking another bite with the same reaction as the first. I grinned and dove into my slice, starving. We sat in silence for a while, our munching and chewing the only sounds in the kitchen. But something was eating away at the back of my head. Karkat had told me at first I would be culled immediately if trolls saw me in public, but already I’d met four of his friends, and they’d been completely fine. Terezi new me already, and Kanaya, Gamzee, and Tavros all seemed really okay with me being all…pink.

“So, when do I get to meet everybody else?” Karkat stopped, mid-chew to glare at me.

“Every shwho elsh?” Karkat said, puffing his cheeks with food. I giggled at his chip-monk like face and reached over, squishing his cheeks together all the more. Oh my god.

“Karkat, Karkat say; ‘I’m a guppy’” Karkat’s eyes widened.

“Whash the fudgk John?! I will not conferm to your shtransh human eating ritchualsh! Get the fahd auf mef!” I narrowed my eyes and leaned closer to his face. No fucking way. He was too adorable.

“Say it.” Karkat rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at me, covered in pizza goo.

“Ew! Karkat just say it! Or I’ll never let gooooooooo~” I sing-songed. Karkat growled.

“FINE! I’m a fdugckfing guppy.”  I let go and clapped my hands together in joy, Karkat was indeed, a guppy.

“A grumpy little guppy!” I said as I settled back in my seat. Karkat swallowed the food in his mouth and pounded his fists on the table.

“I, JOHN EGBERT, AM NOT GRUMPY. I AM FUCKING FINE!” I giggled again and sighed, oh antagonizing Karkat was just too much fun!

“But in all seriousness, Karkat. When can I go meet all your other troll friends? I’ve spent so long away from here, and since I’m assuming that since I got here on accident…I’m not going back anytime soon…” my train of thought trailed off and I started thinking about Dave; what would he be doing now? How would he be? Did he find a home yet? I sighed and ran a hand through my unkempt hair.

“I just want to meet other people, so I can feel more…I don’t know…non-alienish?” I offered up as a possibility. Karkat contemplated my words for a minute before staring back down at his food.

“You don’t want to meet the others, John. They’re horrible.” I scoffed and waved away his words with my hand.

“That’s ridiculous! You said Gamzee would be horrible, but he was fine! In fact, you complained about everybody, but they were all great!” I smiled as wide as I could and tried to catch Karkat’s gaze, but his eyes were elsewhere; they were somewhere sad and alone.

“The others are different than Gamzee and Kanaya and Tavros…and even Terezi John. They’re violent and hateful. They would shred you to pieces.” I frowned and crossed my arms over my chest. Suddenly I was feeling kind of angry. What made me the weakling here?

“Oh really, Karkat? What makes me so pathetic, here? If I remember correctly, I was the one that had to save _you_ from a bully troll weirdo when we first met, while you just sat in the rain letting him throw rocks at you!” the words were out of my mouth before I could take them back, and the hurt in Karkat’s bright yellow eyes was there and gone just as quickly. The sadness was replaced by anger as he stood abruptly from the table and started walking towards the door. I got up and followed him, my heart thudding in my chest with regret.

“Wait, Karkat I didn’t-” Karkat turned around and put a clawed hand up to stop me.

“No, John. You think you’re hot shit? Then be the little fuck you are. Go outside and meet face to face all the shitheads I deal with every fucking day, see if I give a flying hoofbeasts’ left testicle. You never needed me anyways, apparently, so why would you need me now? I’ll just go back to my hive and feed Crabdad because the asshole’s probably lose eating little troll children or something. See ya latter fuck wad, have a nice life. Make sure to tell me if you make friends with any new losers on par with your bull-fuckery.” And with that, Karkat slammed the door shut and walked away. I jumped in surprise at the slam that reverberated through the hive. I just stood there, stunned for a little while. My heart was beating wildly in my chest, but I couldn’t tell why. Suddenly, I felt all alone and a little scared. How long had I been on this planet? A week, tops? Who was I kidding? I slumped over and shuffled back to the living room, curling up on the couch.

“You’re such an idiot, John Egbert. Why do you always fuck things up?” I groaned, covering my face with my hands. It was then I realized I was crying, for my hands became very wet. I sniffled and looked down at my clear-ish tears. On Alternia, I was a freak. None of my bodily fluids matched in colors, my eyes didn’t match my blood, my skin wasn’t grey, and I didn’t have any funky horns. I sighed sadly and wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to hold myself together. Why did I never match? Why was I such an outcast, everywhere? I suddenly felt hot breath on the back of my neck and turned to see Impdad slithering around on the ground behind me. I smiled sadly and wrapped my arms lazily around the giant lizard’s neck.

“At least I still got you, Impdad!” The beast made a gurgling noise in the back of his throat and started moving, me still attached to his neck. I yelped as I was swung onto Impdad’s back and carried like a child all the way up the stairs to the messy room I had just started to call my own again. I smiled as Impdad settled me down on the big pile of blankets in the corner.

“Thanks Impdad.” I said, patting him on the head. The giant lizard grumbled and slithered next to me, licking my face up and down. I giggled and pushed his giant head away.

“Do you think I should go get him tomorrow?” Impdad nodded his head lazily, closing his eyes. I sighed and pulled some blankets over me, curling up to the belly of warmth next to me.

“Yea, tomorrow sounds good.” I said, yawning as my consciousness slowly slipped away into darkness.”

KARKAT’S POV:

            “That little _shit_! He doesn’t believe a word I say? _Good_! Then he’ll just have to learn the hard way how cruel Alternia is. Fuckass.” I kicked a stone across the yard as I stormed away from John’s hive. He didn’t need me? Good. That’s how it should be; he would’ve ended up hating me someday anyways. I sighed, stopping in my tracks and running my hands through my hair. The fire of anger burning in my chest was long gone, replaced but something much more delicate and painful; loneliness. Why did I say those things? Now he’d never come back.

            I was half-way home when a burst of thunder split across the darkened sky, and rain began to pour down in torrents. I growled and began running, I fucking hated the rain. I was instantly soaked through and shivering. Before I knew it, I had no idea where I was; the rain was so heavy I could hardly see two feet in front of me.

“Just my fucking luck.” I grumbled as I ran for shelter underneath a red-leaved tree. I sighed and crouched down close to the brown dirt, holding myself in as small a ball as possible. My teeth began to chatter as the cold cut through my grey skin and the wind picked up. _Where the hell did this freak storm come from?_ I thought as it only got worse. To my left, there was a sudden crunch of gravel. I swiveled my head around, but I couldn’t see anything. The footsteps came closer and closer, at a slow, calming pace. Why weren’t they running? No normal troll liked the rain; it was too cold and too wet and too annoying! I squinted my eyes, trying to see who was approaching. It could be anybody…and that was never a good sign.

            Just as the footsteps were about to come into view, they stopped. For a while, there was just the sound of the rain pattering on the ground. I was about to get up, having assumed the footsteps were just a hallucination in my rain-driven state, when I heard a thick, sickeningly sweet voice from the midst of the rain.

 _“I can smell him. He’s here.”_ I froze. The voice slithered out the words, as if a snake was speaking them; it made my whole body tremble with fear. Not because of the snake-ness, but because of how sinisterly familiar it sounded.

 _“We must find him, and cull the abomination once again.”_ I gulped. There weren’t all that many abominations on Alternia, and I happened to know two of them.

 _“Find him, my good servants, and bring his petty bones to my side. We must purge the good planet of this macabre treachery.”_ I shuddered and coward in my spot, who was this person talking about? More importantly, who was this person looking for the… “Abomination”? As if on cue, the rain lightened a bit; not enough to reveal my hiding spot, but enough where I caught a glimpse of the speaker. I was met with grey skin, long and wild black tresses reaching to the ground, and a giant trident poking from her side. My eyes widened as I recognized the figure and pushed myself as close as possible to the tree, wishing with all my might to blend in with the forestry. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest; my body was trembling with fright. Never before in my life had I been more afraid of anything than I was at that moment. Before me stood the most terrifying woman in the universe; the _Condescension_.

            The rain continued to pour, and eventually, the horrifying woman walked away and I was completely alone. Although I knew she was gone, saw she was gone, my body didn’t move for a long while after that. Thoughts kept swimming through my brain; what was she doing on Alternia?  What could have provoked her to come back from conquering other planets?

            The rain had finally slowed to a bearable weight, and I ran from my hiding spot, sprinting all the way back to my hive.

O&O

“Hey Crabdad. Glad to see you didn’t _completely_ fucking destroy the house…” I said as I walked through the door and into the living room. There was overturned furniture and shattered vases littering the ground as I walked through, inspecting my hive. I sighed and walked up the stairs to take a shower. Crabdad was sleeping in my room on the giant pile of blankets I had made for John to sleep on. I frowned at the pile and turned away toward the bathing room, refusing to think about it.

            The hot water hit my cold skin, a steamy shock to my system. I shuddered and let the water flow down my body. I never felt calmer than I did taking a shower; the hot water always felt so good and never failed to relieve all my pent-up tension. But no matter how hard, I couldn’t stop thinking about what the Condesce had said, or worrying about John. I mean, he had to be the most abominable of abominations on Alternia. Fuck, he wasn’t even Trollian! So what if it _was_ John the Condesce was talking about? What would that mean for him? Would she be able to find him so quickly? Would she…would she really _cull_ him?

            I shuddered at the thought; no, there was no way that John would die, not so soon after I’d got him back.  Getting out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist and shook my head to rid it of the treacherous water that now dripped down my body. My dark hair was clinging to my face as I walked back into my room to find Crabdad curled up, sound asleep, amidst John pile of blankets. I sighed as I walked past him, drying my hair off with a stray towel.

“At least I’ll have nice dreams tonight. No more bloody nightmares for me!” I sing-songed as I hopped into my reacouperacon. I held my breath and dove under the slime, sighing contentedly as the gooey liquid slid of my skin. I took a deep breath as I surfaced from the slim and felt my eyes growing steadily heavier the longer I stayed in. I turned over and closed my eyes; thinking only of John Egbert, and how I would have to apologize to him tomorrow.

_The darkness was grey, there was filtered light coming from above, but I couldn’t see what for. I turned around and around, trying to find my way out. The further I walked, the darker it got, until I couldn’t see anything in front of me. It was at this point that I realized I wasn’t alone. There was another voice somewhere close by, and it sounded familiar; I began to walk towards it. The closer I got, the clearer the voice became until I recognized it as my moirail._

_“I am so motherfucking sorry, bro. so motherfucking sorry. I….I don’t think he’s motherfuckin there anymore. Just go home and get some motherfuckin rest for that miraculous little head of yours, all right?” there was a shuffling noise, and a sniffle, and I realized that Gamzee must’ve been crying. But who was he talking to? And why would he be crying? Gamzee never cries…not unless it’s about Goatdad._

_“But I have to know, Gamzee! Please tell me! Is he okay? Is he hurt? I can’t….I feel so horrible! I need to know that he’s safe.” There was a second voice, high pitched and worried. This was the person that had been crying, not Gamzee. I kept walking towards them. Who where they talking about? Who was the other guy? The heart-wrenching sob that suddenly came from the Gamzee’s voice stopped me dead in my tracks. His loud, rough baritone voice echoed through the darkness as he cried, making the most pitiful sounds._

_“G-Gamzee? What happened?!” the others’ voice trembled in panic; something had gone horribly, horribly wrong. Gamzee continued to sob, but through his guttural cries he spoke words that sent painful shivers down my spine._

_“H-he…y-you left! You motherfuckin left you wicked motherfucker, and h-he was so sad! I couldn’t even get him to leave your motherfuckin hive for one miraculous minute! A-and the drones…” I cringed at the mention of the drones. Those things always scared the fuck out of me. But the talking had stopped, there was silence once again. I continued to walk forward, wishing desperately to see Gamzee, to console him. My moirail was in pain and I needed to be there to help him. What kind of a sick fuck would I be if I didn’t?_

_And just as suddenly as the darkness had enveloped me, it was gone. Instead I was in a brightly lit room…more like a hallway, actually. The walls were painted a bright yellow and the rug covering the floor was a deep purple. I frowned. This room looked really familiar. I walked along the hallway until I saw the open doorway. It was pouring rain, and explicitly dark outside; the violet moonlight was not in sight, only the artificial lights hung above the two forms, kneeling in front of each other in the door way. I looked down, but the images started off blurry. I squinted, walking closer. The figures were bent over one another, trembling with arms wrapped around shoulders. I squinted more, and suddenly it all came into focus. Gamzee’s purple-laced tears were pouring down his surprisingly make-up-free face, his whole body trembling and shaking with his open-mouthed sobs. The other figure was just a mass of messy black hair, blue clothing, and pink skin. There were no horns protruding from his head. His face tilted up to meet Gamzee’s and I noticed his red-rimmed eyes, puffy lids, slobbery mouth, and wet cheeks. John. John. John why are you crying?_

_I ran towards my friends and tried to rap my arms around them, tried to console them, but my body went right threw theirs, leaving a sinking feeling in my stomach. I looked up from my new place on the floor; Gamzee and John’s whole body’s were wracked with sorrowful tears, but I couldn’t hear a thing; there was complete silence all around me. And somehow, that was far worse than the darkness._

Q&Q

            I shot up, slime dripping down my back and sloshing out of my reacouperacon. My hands were trembling and my heart was racing in my chest. I tried to calm down, but the image of Gamzee and John crying without any noise stuck to my brain like glue.

            I looked to my side to find that Crabdad had woken up and was rustling around downstairs. I sighed and shook my head as I got out of the slime-encrusted pod. There was more rustling and knocking around coming from downstairs, a distinct clacking noise, and a pounding at the door. I groaned and looked around for the towel I’d thrown away earlier. I wrapped it around my waist lazily and ran down the stairs. Crabdad was making a fucking mess out of the hive, knocking things over as he ran around in a panic.

“Calm the FUCK down you shit brained good-for-nothing asswipe! I’m getting the fucking door; sorry if it woke you from your merciful beauty sleep CRAB PRINCESS!” I yelled at my crustacean custodian. _I swear to Gog if this is Gamzee this early in the morning…_

            The knocking at the door became more persistent and annoying. I growled and stomped over, slamming the door open.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WA-Oof!” I grunted as a body came slamming into mine, toppling me to the floor. I squeaked and tried pushing the body off me, but it just clung tighter. I took a deep breath to calm down and look at the figure that came barging through my door. There was grayish skin, but white, bitten-down nails. There was messy black hair, but no horns. I frowned and tried once more to push the unknown figure off me. All I got in reply was a sniffle and a muffled, “I’m sorry Karkat!” I grunted and lifted the head up, recognizing the voice. And there was John; face blotched with grey make-up and rain water running down his face. I rolled my eyes and tried standing up, when I realized to my horror, that I was dressed in nothing but my towel and some spoor slime. The towel conveniently decided to fall off a bit as I stood. I immediately turned around, cheeks on fire.

_ShitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!_

“I…um…I’m going to go find the couch and you can go get your butts. NO! I mean pants-I mean….Shit!” I felt my cheeks get even hotter as John babbled behind me.

“Couch is in the room behind you.” I muttered before quickly dashing up the stairs, my whole face tomato-red with embarrassment.

_JOHN SAW MY ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_


	12. Hysteric

JOHN’S POV: (SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER)

            I awoke to a rough tongue slobbering all over my face and a low voice growling next to me. I groaned and groggily shoved Impdad’s face away.

“No! I wanna sleep! Let me sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!!” I groaned and flopped over, refusing to obey the whims of my persistent care-taker. A sudden, loud knocking, however, had me sitting up and getting ready to answer the door. I winced as fierce sunlight filtered through the window, waking me up completely as the knocking persisted. I squinted at the open window; I never remembered opening it, or ever seeing such bright sunlight streaming through. But why would someone be knocking on my door at this time of the day? If all Alternian residents are either troll or lusai, and both are nocturnal, it would be impossible for someone to be at my hive, right?

            My curiosity got the best of me as I raced down the stairs to the ever dogmatic knocking. I paused at the door to make sure I looked presentable before swinging it open. On my stoop was a very lovely looking troll with a huge pile of fabric in her arms and bags hanging off either side of her.

“Oh! Hey Kanaya! Come in!” I was surprised to see her standing there, smiling at me. The girl strolled in, scrutinizing my hive with her careful eyes. Closing the door, I led her into the living room.

“Um, sorry it took me a while to answer the door. I was asleep. Speaking of which….shouldn’t you be sleeping to?” I questioned, yawning a bit and rubbing my eyes. Kanaya chuckled and set down her piles and bags.

“Yes, I suppose your right. I apologize for interrupting your slumber…I only desired to meet with you while Karkat was not around, or asleep. Thus I had assumed during the day would be suitable.” I nodded, but still didn’t understand. Why were trolls nocturnal anyways?

“Well…why would you want to come when Karkat’s not here? Are there a lot of trolls that stroll around during the day?” Kanaya smiled gently and folded her hands in her lap.

“I came to bring you the rest of the clothes I promised, as well as some things I think might be of necessity due to your natural complexion and lack of horns. And to answer your second question, no, not many trolls dare venture out into the harsh Alternian sunlight.” Kanaya smiled and looked to the ground in a seemingly bashful glance. “I just so happen to enjoy our suns natural light and warmth, in contradistinction to my fellow trolls.” I smiled back at her; the young troll had a dreamy look on her face, as if the sun were the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

“Would you tell me more about the day time? The last time I saw a sun was on earth…and it feels like so long ago.” I trailed off. It really had been a long time. In fact, it must have been over a year because the last time I was outside on Earth was on my birthday when _He_ “adopted” me. I shuddered and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to banish the horrible thoughts from my head. Kanaya’s bright yellow eyes sparkled with excitement as she nodded her head in affirmation.

“It would be my pleasure, John!” Kanaya pulled her feet up onto the couch so she was sitting on them and folded her hands back into her lap.

“The day time is so different from that of the night. Everything looks completely different in the light of the sun compared to that of the violet moon. The light, for instance, is of a strange hue; it is more aurulent in color and much brighter. The air is warmer and the wind, blowing through the sparkling leaves of the trees is the most pleasant feeling in the world. Oh John!” Kanaya’s impassioned voice was like honey as she described the wonderful scene of her world, the world she alone had to explore. She clasped her hands together with solace and sighed with utter bliss, “John, the sunrise is positively resplendent! The sky is alight with magnificent colors, like a painting of the worlds blood all coming together on the same canvas; brilliant blues and violets, radiant jades and fuchsias, dazzling yellows, reds and oranges, oh it is absolutely grand! I wish you could see it!” Her eyes were wide with fervor, and I felt myself longing to go outside and experience this gracious world she had so described to me. My heart suddenly yearned for the touch of the Alternian sun’s warmth and the lavish wind on my cheeks. I looked to Kanaya, eyes wide with amazement and I could tell; I could tell that she, somehow, knew exactly what I was thinking. Her smile only grew larger and more beautiful upon her face.

“Come John; let me show you the sun.”

            I grinned widely and ran to the door, haphazardly pulling on my shoes and re-opening the door. Kanaya followed me out, and gripped my shoulder when I first winced at the intense brightness that engulfed me. The young trolls’ soft words came to my ear in a reassuring tone, “open your eyes John look at the world around us, take in its beauty and sublime grandeur.” Slowly, I creaked my eyes open. It was painful at first, my eyes not being used to any light brighter than the moon, but when I finally got the open fully, I was awestruck.

            My eyes widened in amazement at the scene before me; blue grass waved gently in the warm breeze, the trees around my hive seemed to dance in the wind as their magnificent, magenta leaves rustled the air and sparkled in the sun. I looked up, eyeing the sun for all it was worth. It was much larger than Earth’s sun, or at least a lot closer. It was the same, magnificent color however, and gave off the same warmth. I raised my head up to the sky and marveled at its deep blue; pale green, puffy clouds drifted across the sky and the river next to my hive bubbled with life. But I couldn’t take my eyes off the sun; I knew it was bad for me, and would probably make me go blind, but I didn’t care. It felt so good, and so warm, and so…. _familiar_. It wasn’t until I felt Kanaya’s fingers brushing away my tears that I realized I was crying.

            I fell to the ground on my knees, staring at the sky in astonishment. Memories came flooding back to me, rushing through my skull like a river. I remembered Dave and me playing together in the orphanage backyard, going on walks together in the bright afternoon sunlight, sitting in the park pointing out shapes in the white fluffy clouds…. I shuddered and closed my eyes, letting the tears fall down my cheeks. My heart ached in my chest as the memories pierced my skull; it was the first time I missed anything about Earth since being here. I missed being in the sun, I missed snow, I missed big city streets and sounds, I missed the _sun_ , and I missed Dave. Here I had a brilliant moon, a loving lusus, a warm hive, I _used_ to have Karkat; but here was still strange to me. Some memories about this place were still fuzzy; it was like being born in one country, moving to another mid childhood, and then being plopped back down in your old hometown. Things changed, I changed, nothing was the same.

            My body trembled as panic began to set in. What if I never made it back to Earth? Not that I particularly wanted to I guess, but what if I was just as much an outcast here as I was there? Would I ever find a place I could belong?

“John, are you alright? Your tears….they’re _clear_!” Kanaya’s voice broke me from my train of thought, her voice heavy with worry. I smiled bitterly into her troubled face and shook my head, wiping my tears away.

“Just a little homesick, I think.” I muttered quietly to myself. Suddenly, I felt warm, languid arms wrap around my body. I froze before realizing it was just Kanaya in a gesture meant for comfort. I sighed and hugged her back.

“Come, let us gravitate back to your sitting room so I may present you with the rest of your gifts.” I followed the girl back into my hive, trying to leave the painful memories back in the yard-in the sun.

Once inside, Kanaya sat me down and shuffled through her bags before pulling out a long-sleeved black shirt, tan carpenter pants, and a huge bottle of grey-ish stuff.  The girl pushed forward these items and sat down, hands in her lap. I quickly unfolded the black shirt; on its front was a very familiar swirly blue sign.

“Hey! Isn’t this the same symbol on that other shirt I had?” Kanaya smiled shyly and nodded her head.

“Terezi helped me pick out some things, and showed me your old tattered clothing. One of the items, which I believe used to resemble a shirt, held a symbol of this likeness. I put it there to give you something to remember Earth by.” I grinned as my heart swelled in my chest. I couldn’t help but remember that Christmas with Jade…it seemed like forever ago. I reached for the mysterious bottle of grey gunk.

“What’s this?” Kanaya smirked.

“It’s skin.” I nearly dropped the bottle. _Skin_?!? Why in the world would she give me skin???? Whose was it?! I looked to the smirking troll for an answer, but she just put a delicate hand over her mouth and giggled.

“It’s not real skin, John. Its body paint; water proof. Comes off in a good scrub with some spoor slime.” Body paint? Why would I need…..grey body paint. I looked at Kanaya’s flawless grey skin, how all trolls had it. Her black t-shirt with the jade Virgo symbol on it. I exploded off the couch in realization.

“I’m going to be a troll!!!!” Kanaya smiled and nodded her head.

“I figured a better disguise would suit you for voyages among the native people of Alternia.” I nodded my head vigorously, jumping from one foot to the other. Karkat would be baffled speechless!

#O#

            Kanaya helped blend in the paint on my face as the rest on my hands and neck dried. Squeezing my hands into fists, I tested out the elasticity of the body paint. I was surprised; I could hardly feel it at all. The paint was thin, but durable, felt like normal skin to the touch, and moved with me as I moved. Kanaya clipped two identical horns on either side of my head and upon looking in the mirror; I was awed by how… _trollish_ I appeared.

“Kanaya, this is amazing! I look just like you and Karkat!” Kanaya patted the top of my head and then turned back to her bags, taking something’s out and placing them in various places around my room.

“Speaking of Karkat, where is the pygmy petulance? The two of you seemed an inseparable pair leaving my hive the other day. I hardly thought anybody would be able to pry his cold, dead fingers from your arm, John.” I felt my cheeks heat up at the mention of aforementioned hottie. I shuffled my feet, unable to meet Kanaya’s eyes with my embarrassment and shame.

“Well…we kind of got into a fight yesterday. I said something’s I probably shouldn’t have and he got upset and I got upset and so he left.” Kanaya was silent for a while and neither of us moved from our places, lightly spaced apart on my bedroom floor. But after a while of the seemingly uncomfortable silence I felt strong, warm hands gripping my shoulders, forcing me to face the lady troll. I looked up in surprise to find a slight frown adorning the black lips of Miss. Kanaya Maryam.

“John. You must do what is right and go to him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him everything!” I blushed deeper than I already was, completely stunned by Kanaya’s actions.

“B-but he won’t want me there! He’ll just get mad, and-” Kanaya shooshed me with a finger over my mouth.

“Shut up John. The clinquant knight going to confess his true feelings and most sincere thoughts to the dapper individual of his most grandeur wishes would, in fact, be Karkat’s dream come true; exactly as depicted in one of his most beloved emotionally red comic dramas.” At this point, I was sure my ears were the color of bright red cherry tomatoes. I was baffled by Kanaya’s perceptive correctness, and appalled by her accuracy in judgment.

“H-How could you have known that I…uh……um…” My entire body felt like it was shriveling into a heinous pit of embarrassment. Kanaya smiled knowingly and patted my shoulder.

“Trust me; I am a bit of an expert when it comes to these maudlin partnerships.” My lips twitched into a sheepish smile as Kanaya led me down the stairs.

“Now. Do you know the way to Karkat’s hive?” I’d only ever been there once, and that was when I was still under the ominous amnesia. I hardly paid any attention to the way we’d gotten to my hive, just that it seemed to take forever. In seeing the shake of my head to answer negatively, Kanaya pulled out a folded piece of paper.

“Here, it’s a map of the local area, I’ve highlighted Karkat’s, Gamzee’s, my, and your hives and labeled each one. Will this help you find your way?” I nodded and slipped on my shoes.

“Thank you so much Kanaya…I don’t know how I could ever repay you!” The girl scoffed and brushed away my comment with a wave of her hand.

“No need to, it is my divine pleasure.” And with a final goodbye, I was off.

#O#

            My feet crunched under the dark blue grass that lined the edge of the forest. In front of me was a forked dirt road. According to my map the road straight ahead, into the patch of wild blue grass, would lead me to another, larger, main road with Karkat’s hive at the end of it. Folding the map back into my pocket, I forged on. I looked down at my grey-painted hands. What would Karkat think of the troll-me? Would he like it better than the real me? That would certainly make sense. What would ever cause him to enjoy the company of a weird alien kid? Or at least a deformed mutant… I sighed, mulling over my depressing thoughts.

            As I turned onto the larger road I had seen on the map, I heard voices getting louder behind me. My heart jumped into my throat, nervous that whoever was there would see me for the fraud I was. I kept reminding myself that I looked just like the rest of them’ Kanaya’s disguise was flawless. One of the voices died out and there was just a single pair of footsteps. The road thinned out and there were no more hives lining the road until Karkat’s, according to the map. I gulped; the troll _had_ to be following me. Cautiously, I turned my head to look over my shoulder at the follower. I stopped in my tracks and turned around full force to observe the oddity before me.

            The girl troll had really long, kind of messy black hair, a robotic-like arm, roundish glasses, and bright blue lips. I looked at her shirt and observed the deep blue Scorpio symbol on her black t-shirt.

“Well heeeeeeeey there stranger!” the girl drawled out, putting a hand on her hip. I didn’t say anything. How could this be happening? How was I supposed to react? Was this a normal troll thing to do?

“Uh, hi…I guess.” I mumbled. The girl rolled her eyes and walked closer, but with every step she took the urge to run and never look back grew stronger and stronger.

“So what are you doing all the way out here? Nothing but dirt and filth, if you uh…” the girl smirked and cocked her head to the side in a sly manner.

“Know what I mean.” I, in fact, had no idea what she meant. I put my hands in my pockets, which had begun to sweat.

“Just doing some exploring.” I offered. The blue-lipped girl took the bait, nodding her head in approval.

“Well I wouldn’t go too far, unless you want to meet with one of the most disturbing excuses of a troll I’ve ever seen.” The girl smiled and jabbed her elbow into my side.

“Us blue bloods gotta stick together, right?” I laughed nervously and nodded my head. What the heck did she mean by blue-bloods?

“Yeah, totally!” The girl laughed heartily and held out her robotic arm.

“Name’s Serket. Vriska Serket.” I took the hand gingerly, surprised to find her grasp as warm as it was metal.

“I’m John…John Egbert.”  Vriska laughed heartily, taking a step back.

“Man, you have got one weiiiiiiiird name dude!” I smiled, but the nerves in my stomach were raging a mantra of “ _run, John, run!_ ”

“Well, it was nice to meet you, but I had better get back to my…um, exploring!” I flashed her a smile and turned to walk away. But, as most things that seemed to hurtle my way, getting rid of her was no easy task.

“Wait! John, what’s your Trollian name? We can find each other and talk and maybe even do some kick-ass role-play!” The blue girl’s eyes were alight with excitement. I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, trying to think of some kind of feasible response to her query.

“I don’t….actually have a, uh, “Trollian” name.” Vriska stared at me, gawk-eyed.

“How can you not have a trollian name?! Practically _everyone_ has one, John!” I shrugged my shoulders, why was she so hard to get rid of?

“I guess I’m just one of those select few.” Vriska sighed and took something out of her pocket.

“Here, this is my Trollian username, so you can find me when you make one _as soon as you get back to your hive._ ” Vriska eyed me, as if to make sure I would go right home and do just that. I nodded my head.

“I’ll do my best to find you Vriska.” The girl smirked, showcasing her dangerously sharp teeth.

“Good. See you around, _John_.” And then Vriska was swishing her hips in the other direction, heading down the main road to presumably head back to her own hive.

          Continuing to walk down the dirt road, I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. _Did I just do that?_ I had, hadn’t I? I stood up a little straighter, walking quickly. I guess I made a pretty convincing troll. As I was walking, it began to rain; the water was cold and soaked me through as I ran to get out of it. The road turned into a trail in a dense wood of short trees; as I ran through it, branches whipped into my face and kept getting caught in my hair and catching on my soggy, wet clothing.

“Fuck! Where the hell is Karkat’s freaking hive?!” I growled as another branch hit me in the back of the head. I certainly didn’t remember all these branches being here… Finally, a tall, rectangular-looking building popped into view. I hopped up the stairs and knocked madly at the door. I was fucking _cold_ , and I fucking _missed_ Karkat and I fucking _needed_ to see him right _fucking_ now! After five minutes of waiting in the torrential downpour, I knocked frantically at the door again, beginning to panic. What if he could see me right now, and was refusing to open the door because he never wanted to see me again? My chest tightened at the thought, but I kept reminding myself what Kanaya had told me. Karkat….maybe he would find it in himself to forgive me. I banged on the door one more time, and finally yielded some results. My heart jumped into my throat in nervousness as I heard yelling coming from inside. I hobbled from one foot to the other, gingerly waiting in anticipation for Karkat to open the door; I felt like I was going to burst with excitement!

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WA-” I cut him off immediately, tackling him into a giant hug that landed us both on the floor.  I couldn’t contain the grin from popping onto my face as Karkat grumbled and yelped when we toppled to the ground.

“I’m sorry, Karkat!” I gripped him tighter, refusing to budge from my spot. But the grumpy troll would have none of that; Karkat put my face in his hands and lifted my head so I was eye-level with him. I had to contain the chuckle in my throat at Karkat’s bewildered expression. Soon, though, recognition fell across his face and he gently pushed me away from him, standing up. But when Karkat stood, I was not met with a fully-clothed, normally black-clad Karkat. Oh no. I was met with none other than Karkat’s BARE. FUCKING. ASS.  There was no way in hell I could have ever possibly hoped to hide the intense heat that had risen to my face. I looked down and saw that there was a gooey white towel covered in spoor slime underneath me. I gulped and found my eyes traveling back up to Karkat’s butt. I felt just a tiny bit guilty, but _damn_. He had a nice fucking ass.

            I blubbered out something completely nonsensical and embarrassing, and slapped myself in the face at my own heinous stupidity. Karkat took a moment to respond, but _shit_! He was just standing there, practically _inviting_ me to stare point-blank at his supple, grey tooshie!

“There’s a couch behind you.” Karkat’s voice was low and he wavered slightly as he spoke before he headed upstairs. I followed his completely naked form with my eyes until he was out of sight. I looked back down at the spoor-slime towel, and noticed that just the small amount of it had managed to wipe the paint off my hands. I sighed, shaking my head to rid my mind of the naughty images that kept turning over and over like a digital slide show on continuous repeat.

            I stood up shakily and walked over to the couch, sopor-drenched towel in hand. As I began to wipe the paint off my face, neck, and hands, I tired listening to what was going on upstairs. I heard a shower running, and then walking, a thump, a string of profanities, and the dull thuds of feet coming down the stairs. My face felt hot as Karkat came back into view, fully clothed this time. A slight blush was adorning his grey cheeks as he came into the living room, arms folded over his chest.

“Sorry about that…I’d just woken up.” Karkat mumbled, his cheeks turning a shade brighter. Although his apology was most definitely sincere, my thoughts were ranging into the dangerous zone of “get-the-hell-out-of-here-john!” All that passed through my head at that moment was, _holy shit Karkat sleeps naked._

“I’m, um sorry to have…barged in on you…like that.” I mumbled awkwardly, suddenly unable to look the handsome boy in the eyes. I heard Karkat sigh and come closer to me. He grabbed the towel out of my hands and lifted my face up to his. A small frown of concentration adorned his expression as he took the towel and used it to rub away at the paint. I tried desperately to conceal the heat rising in my cheeks, but it was of no use. Soon Karkat’s hand came away with a grey-stained towel and the hand on my chin to keep my head in place was slowly removed back to his own person. I gulped, the nervousness building in my head. Karkat threw the towel in the hallway and slumped down next to me on the couch. He looked like he was about to say something, but I couldn’t let him; I had to apologize immediately.

“Karkat I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean what I said, I feel really bad about it and I don’t want you to leave ‘cause your kind of one of the only people I know on this planet, and I like you a lot and-”

“John will you please shut the fuck up?” I closed my mouth and looked at my hands in my lap. My palms were beginning to sweat with nervousness and my heart was racing in my chest. Karkat sighed and rubbed a hand through his tumultuous black hair.  

“I can’t believe I’m saying this right now…but I’m the one that should be apologizing.” I looked up at the usually stubborn, sassy troll in shock.

“I over reacted…you are obviously more than capable of making it around on your own. I’m just…” Karkat growled and crossed his arms over his just, agitation radiating off his being.

“I was just worried okay? I’m always worried. Because I’m a disgusting mutant, and I know what people out there would do to you if they found out. And…I didn’t want you to get hurt.” Karkat’s face was a dead-set frown. He looked hurt and angered and I hated when he called himself a mutant. He was absolutely perfect in every way; not like that bullshit Mary Poppins tries to pull all the time.

            Taking a deep breath, I managed to build enough courage to wrap my arms tightly around Karkat’s neck, pulling him into a tight hug. The boy struggled at first; yelling at me to “get the ever loving fuck off his person” but I refused.

“You are by no means a mutant, Karkat.” At that, the troll stopped struggling and seemed to sit completely still; I wasn’t sure if he was even breathing.

“What did you say?” he asked, voice so quiet I could hardly hear him. I felt the heat rising to my cheeks again, and I nuzzled my face into Karkat’s soft, black hair.

“I like you just the way you are, and nothing would ever change that.” Karkat stiffened in my arms, but I didn’t move. We stayed like that for a while before he finally relaxed and wrapped his arms around me in response to the long-lasting embrace.

“Thanks.” He muffled quietly. My chest felt all bubbly and wonderful; I felt like I was going to fly to cloud nine and never come back. But Kanaya’s words fell through my mind like a treacherous trap: _You must do what is right and go tell him. Tell him everything. Tell him how you feel!_ I gulped and regretfully pulled away from our hug, holding Karkat at arm’s length.

“What the fuck is it now John?” Karkat asked, clearly disgruntled that I had taken him away from his comfy place. My heart beat wildly in my chest; this was actually happening, I was _actually_ going to tell Karkat how I felt, I could do this!

“Well, um, I wanted to…to tell you something.” I said, my voice failing me and squeaking at the end of my sentence. The heat started to pile up and I inwardly groaned; when did I become so palpable to blush? Karkat folded his arms over his chest, raising one eye brow in skepticism.

“I uh…like you Karkat….alot.” I huffed, there, I’d gotten it out. When I looked at Karkat for his reaction, he was just staring at me very confused.

“What does that have to do with anything? Not that I am ultimately flatted by your interest in the Supreme Being that is me. But would you care to explain yourself a bit more eloquently?” the heat intensified and my heart raced with anxiety. What the hell was I supposed to do now? I took my hands away from Karkat and rubbed them together, nervousness wracking my brain of all capable thought processes.

“Well…I, uh, oh god this is so embarrassing!” I covered my face with my hands. There was no way I could tell him! What had I been thinking?! Karkat growled and pulled my hands away from my face.

“Will just get it over with and tell me already? I’m not going to fucking live forever numb-nuts!” I nodded my head and tried again. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes.

“Karkat I love you.” I immediately bit my lip, waiting for the sloo of cuss words and loathing. I was met, surprisingly enough, with utter silence. I cracked open one of my eyes, sure that Karkat would be ready to tear me up into little pieces.

“You _what_ me?” in normal context, I would have just nodded my head and left, assuming that he would be completely surprised and disgusted with me… but the way Karkat said it made it sound like he didn’t _understand_. I gawked, completely dumfounded.

“I...uh…l-love you.” I said, my cheeks fighting to keep down the fire burning in them.

“What is this… ‘love’ business? Is that some sort of twisted human conniption fit or something?” Karkat eyes me suspiciously, but I was too awe-struck to give him an answer. Once again, none to surprisingly, I had managed to fail miserably at the simplest of talks. Claiming my love for this alien boy was proving to be seemingly impossible. I groaned and flopped onto my back, burying my face in my hands.

“Never mind.”  Karkat shrugged and reached for the TV table for the remote.

“Whatever.”

KARKAT’S POV:

            John was such an idiot. I allowed a small smile to grace my lips as John fumbled on the couch next to me.

            Although he was a gullible idiot of impending self-doom… he was pretty fucking adorable when trying to claim his undying, red flushed feelings. 


	13. Empathy

KARKAT’S POV:

            I chose to blatantly ignore the pounding in my chest cavity and the rush I felt through my mutant veins as I sat next to the utterly dork-ifiable John Egbert. He scowled with frustration at the television, muttering little things under his breath as the screen went through the newest episode of Troll Desperate Housewives. Normally I would be engrossed in the vicious nature of the characters and their insane lives, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt from building in my abdomen. I knew exactly what John had been talking about. I’d learned enough from watching his life go by, all the men that had told him they loved him. It made me feel so ashamed; how could John just say something like that so suddenly? He hadn’t been here long enough, known me long enough, to admit something to precious like that to someone. I felt my blood-pusher squeeze at the thought, but one day…one day Egbert would learn that no one could be flushed for such a despicable creature like me.

            My self-loathing was interrupted by an obnoxious buzzing in my pocket. Curious, I opened my phone to find a message from Terezi.

**_gallowsCalibrator_ ** **began trolling _carcinoGeneticist:_**

**GC: H3Y. YOU’D B3TT3R G3T DOWN H3R3 K4RKL3S. TH3 W31RD H4CK3R DUD3 FOUND SOM3TH1NG 1NT3R3ST1NG.**

**CG: OH YEAH? LIKE WHAT? ANOTHER STUPID VIRUS THAT HE CONCOCTED HIMSELF? I THINK ILL BE FINE SPENDING MY PRECIOUS LIFE ELSEWHERE AND AWAY FROM YOU ASSHOLES.**

**GC: >: ( TH4TS NO W4Y TO TR34T YOUR B3ST BUD K4RKL3S! H3H3H3H3H3!!! COME ON, 1TS SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT YOUR JOHNNY BOY.**

**CG:…FINE. WE’LL BE THERE IN A LITTLE BIT. IT HAD BETTER BE FUCKING WORTH IT.**

**GC: OH TRUST M3, YOU WON’T R3GR3T TH1S.**

**_gallowsCalibrator_ ** **[GC]ceased trolling _carcinoGeneticist_ [CG]**

            when I looked up from my phone I found John spying at the messages.

“I’m your… ‘Johnny Boy’?” John asked curiously. I swatted him away so he wouldn’t see the heat that’d collected in my face.

“No. shut up. We’re going back to the lab.”

#O#

            After John’s pleading to let him put the grey paint back on his face and the ridiculous process of actually covering all his pretty pink skin in the obnoxious shit, we were on the road. I took the back roads around the forest to get to the lab, just in case we met anymore assholes on the way there. It wasn’t John I was afraid of being messed around with anymore; Kanaya had done a great job of making him up to be a blue blood, what with his dark blue eyes and the blue swirly symbol on his black t-shirt. But everybody in this part of Alternia knew I was hiding something. And in this world, you have no reason to hide anything unless you’re ashamed of it.

            We arrived at the lab about a half hour later. John was grinning with excitement; he kept saying something about getting to see Terezi again. After taking out my key and opening the door we both entered the cese pool I happen to have the luck of working at, and navigated the labyrinth-like hallways to find Terezi and the hacker douche bag who proclaimed to have found something worth my while.

“Oh hey there Karkles! You’re just in time!” Terezi popped out from behind a corner, blocking off our path. John’s eyes lit up as he jumped forward, pulling the blind girl into one of his suffocating hugs.

“John? Is that you?! But you don’t smell…pink anymore!” Terezi frowned, grabbing John’s face in her hands and smooshing his cheeks together. John tried to smile, but his contorted face just made him look like a guppy. An adorable guppy.

“Yeah! Kanaya gave me some face paint so I would look just like you guys! Pretty cool, huh?” Terezi cackled and let her toothy smile spread over her face.

“Pretty freaking rad, John! Now come over here, you’ve got another troll to meet!” I growled as I followed John and Terezi down the hallway. I only wished that _I_ didn’t have to meet him as well.

            Walking into a dimly-lit room, the only light coming from the various computer and surveillance screens scattered about the room, my ears were hit with the vivid sound of whirring machinery. To my right, in the farthest corner of the room was a dark silhouette with a double set of horns. This troll sat in front of the largest computer screen; a huge set of codes and smaller windows displayed on its glass. There was a flurry of clicks and taps on the keyboard before the screen went to bee-picture desktop and the darkened figure turned around.

“You can hit the lights TZ, I’m good now.” The light switch was clicked and an eerie glow filled the room. Sitting on the black swivel chair in front of us was quite possibly one of the most annoying trolls known to Alternia. And his lisp was infuriating.

            Said troll rose from his spot and sauntered over to us, hands in his pockets. He had two different shoes on his feet, a yellow Gemini symbol on his black t-shirt and those ridiculous blue and red glasses on his face. The heterochromial asshole smirked, showing his crooked as fuck teeth.

“Hey there KK, long time no see.” I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest. I hated it when he called me that.

“Yes, and I had hoped to keep it that way.” The troll chuckled lightly before turning his attention to John.

“So this is the infamous ‘Johnny’, hmm? Doesn’t look much like a human if you ask me.” The irritation built up in my chest as said douche bag continued to look over John with impenetrable curiosity.

“He’s got fucking face paint on, dipshit.” John smiled wide and held out a hand to the twin-horned troll that satisfied himself with being the bane of my existence.

“Hi! I’m John Egbert! It’s very nice to meet you!” the troll opposite John took his hand and shook it firmly; the sight of his grey fingers curling around John’s own sent my stomach lurching. _Nobody touches John…but me._

“And I’m Sollux Captor. Computer hacker and programmer extraordinaire. Your buddy KK over here hired me because he was too much of a loser to do it himself. So if you need anything, come to me EB.” Sollux’s sly smile went from John to me, as his eyes moved about the room. His aggravating presence was wearing my patience a bit too thin for comfort.

“Shut up Sollux! You’re a worthless sack of shit. You wouldn’t help anybody unless there was something in it for you, asshole.” John looked back at me shocked, but my attention was on the halcyon troll with those dumb fucking glasses. Sollux took a step around John so he was face to face with me, our chests nearly touching. He was looking down at me, which only added to my boiling acrimony.

“Whoever said there wasn’t something in it for me working here? _Especially_ when I get such affable visits from _you,_ KK?” Sollux’s shit-eating grin spread across his face like wildfire as his hand grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. _What in the ever loving FUCK was this asshole doing?!_ I felt my traitorous chop start to heat. _This can’t be fucking happening…_ Sollux didn’t know about my mutant blood color. And while he was a lower blood and had…dated a rust blood before, there was no telling what he would do if he found out, which would be happening very soon if he saw the state of my cheeks anytime soon.

“Fuck you Sollux. Get the hell away from me!” I growled, slapping his hand away from my face and spinning around so I was next to John. He had a perturbed look on his face, but it disappeared when I caught him.

“Fine. Whatever KK.” Sollux sighed and turned back to one of his computers. Terezi switched off the lights again.

“I’m going to go back to the other lab, see if I can work anything with the ectomachine.” I nodded her off and turned to the annoying as FUCK computer hacker.

“Now what is it that’s so important you had to show me, shit stain?” Sollux frowned at me over his shoulder before turning back to his computer and navigating the mouse to a movie file.

“Here, take a look at this. This is the surveillance footage in the basement of the mansion that John was staying at.” I heard John shift uncomfortably behind me as we both leaned forward to catch a look. Sollux pressed play and the nightmare began.

            There were screams. It was practically the only thing you could hear from the audio. Screams and the roar of fire and padding feet. The video was pretty shitty quality, but I could see a figure in a light blue t-shirt and jeans run down the hallway in a blur; he was running for his life. The kid twisted his head back and forth as if he was searching for something before he came across a giant blue door, opened it, and ran into the room. Sollux pressed some buttons on the keyboard and the screen switched from the hallway to inside the room. It was dimly lit, a small, block-glass window was at the ceiling, and in every corner were these giant, white machines. At this point, Sollux paused the video and turned to me.

“Now, I might be imagining things, though I’m pretty sure my powers of observation are fairly spectacular, but do those machines look familiar to you KK?” I learned further and inspected the room. The kid, which by now I’d figured out was John, was sitting crouched in the furthest corner on a giant, circular platform with a wired-up rod thing coming down from the ceiling over the middle of the circle. My eyes widened in recognition at the huge machine.

“Is that…a transmaterializer?” I said eyes wide with shock. I looked straight at Sollux, my mind whirring with confusion.

“How the fuck did they get a transmaterializer on _Earth_??? That’s Alternian technology, and it’s not like any pirates have been to that side of the universe!” Sollux shrugged.

“Don’t ask me. I’m just showing you what I saw. But look at the other machines; that shit is all yellow-blood creation. Even we don’t have half that crap.” I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. The occurrence of these devices on Earth was just…impossible. I looked to John, to see if he would have any kind of answer, but he looked just as confused as I felt so I turned back to the screen were Sollux had pressed play.

            The roaring of the fire from outside got louder and John, in the video, was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest in the furthest corner of the transmaterializer. His shoulders were shaking and his face glistened in the soft light the barely made it through the room. I realized that he must’ve been crying, but why? But then John wasn’t crying. He was _sobbing_. His head was thrown back and the audio was filled with his gut-wrenching sobs. Sollux shifted uncomfortably and rose from his seat.

“I have to use the bathroom. Be right back.” I quickly pushed his chair out of the way to get a closer look. The flames started to trickle in through the corner of the room, and his eyes filled with a fear unlike anything I’d ever seen. I couldn’t imagine what it would’ve been like to see those approaching flames and know…know that they were going to burn you alive. My blood-pusher was throbbing in my chest to hear his cries and see him in so distress.

            I looked over my shoulder to see how John was doing watching this; I knew I wouldn’t be able to fucking watch my own death…or near death I guess. But what I saw was far from anything I expected. John’s face was completely stoic. He had absolutely no expression anywhere; his shoulders were rigid and his body was frozen. It didn’t even look like he was breathing. I quickly paused the video and turned back to John; he still hadn’t moved.

“John…are you okay?” John blinked and looked down at me without moving the rest of his body.

“I’m fine.” He deadpanned. I gulped as his eyes turned back, robot like, to the video. The screens glow gave his face a very eerie look to it, but John didn’t move. So I pressed play again.

            My grip on the desk tightened as my anxiety increased. John was still crying in the video, but his sobs had died down as the flames got closer, as if he’d accepted his fate and was just waiting for the end. Tears were flowing steadily down his cheeks, but now I couldn’t tell if it was because of his emotional state or the smoke that had begun to fill the room. John’s lips were parted and moving, but whatever he’d said that night was lost forever; his voice was too quiet for the video to pick up and the quality too shitty to read his lips. The flames continued to engulf the room, and soon they were flickering closer and closer to him. I kept a hand tightly clasped over my mouth to hide the fact that is wide open in horror and shock, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the screen. The images were too vivid. I had to find out what was so peculiar about this moment, so significant, that I could’ve brought him here.

            And just as suddenly as the flames had entered the room, they were on him. I saw his clothing on fire, his skin burning to a crisp, his hair smoking in the singe. John’s eyes widened in pain, his agonizing scream cutting through the silence like a serrated knife. I cringed at the sound, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw John flinch.

            One of his hands shot into the air, burning and screaming and crying. It was at that moment that I noticed something strange. On his arm were a bunch of jagged-looking red marks. His fist punched through the air, grasping at smoke. I couldn’t see his face anymore; it was hidden by the bright, red-hot flames. His arm fell into the haze and there was one final agonizing scream before he howled out, _“I want to go home!”_

            Something whirred to life and there was a blinding flash of bright blue light. Then the screen went dark and all I was staring at was a dark, charred room, and an empty, burnt transmaterializer.

            I sat there in silence and shock. What had I just seen? My heart was thudding wildly in my chest, my hands were balled up into fists, and my breathing was ragged and heavy; as if _I’d_ been the one in that fire. Slowly, I turned to face John. Kneeling down, I was eye-level with his waist. His grey-painted hands were balled into fists just like mine, but his hands were shaking. His chest was heaving, but much more irregularly than mine and his face was nothing if emotional. His buckteeth were jutting out, biting at his terribly trembling bottom lip and his bright, cerulean eyes were glossed over with unshed tears. It was the most heart breaking thing I’d ever seen.

“Oh John. John I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I whispered, standing up and enveloping him in a hug. The boy let out a strangled noise and it felt like he let out a giant breath of air he’d been holding for a long time. His whole body was shaking and his head was crooked into my neck. I felt his fingers curled tightly into the chest of my shirt, and his hot, clear tears wetting my neck. Gog what the hell was wrong with me? Why did I let him watch that? Anybody would’ve been traumatized, and here this kid was, on an alien planet, with a bunch of aliens, reliving his last, horrifying moments on Earth. I curled my fingers into his smooth, dark hair and held him as close to me as I could without crushing him. I felt horrible, it was so strange. I was baffled by how this kid could affect me. When he was gone, it felt like there was a huge part of my life that was missing. And for a long time, I thought it was just because I’d lost a quadrant. But then I’d gotten Gamzee, and that feeling never left. Then he comes back, and I almost feel _whole_ again. All I ever do is fuck up and mess with things that shouldn’t be messed with. It’s like I’m a magnet for bad things.

“shhhhhh, its okay now John. I’m here. Everything’s going to be okay.” I rocked him back and forth, but he just kept crying. Gog I was a failure; I couldn’t even calm down my…my…what the hell even was John to me? Frowning, I hugged him closer, his shaking starting to ebb off. John let out a shaky sob before his entire body went limp, startled, I fell to the ground with him, holding him against my body as we fell. John was still crying, but he was silent. His fingers were clutched to the front of my shirt as he just stared into space and sniffled his little nose. I sighed sadly and brushed a few black strands of hair out of his face. To my surprise, John closed his eyes and leaned his head into the touch. I frowned, the agony in his stance, his tears, made me feel like I was being ripped in two. I hated it. It made me feel vulnerable, it made me feel weak. I was growing too attached to him…but even with those idioms plaguing my think pan, I couldn’t bring myself to tear away from him. He was too fucking precious.

“Karkat?” John’s voice was small and still trembling slightly. Without a second thought, I brought my head down to his and placed a small, quick kiss to the side of his head.

“Yeah?” John was quite for a while, and I wondered if the kiss was a bad idea. But John was always good at surprises, as his fingers just curled right back around my shirt and his eyes closed again.

_“Thank you.”_

#O#

            After a little while John’s breath slowed and his tears dried in sleep. Sollux came into the room, and upon seeing us on the floor, stopped in his tracks.

“What the hell is this?” he asked, gesturing to the heap of sleep that was John Egbert. I frowned and tightened my grip on his body, holding him close.

“What the hell does it look like? He just re-lived getting himself burnt alive, you wouldn’t be all happy daisies and shit eating grins either lispy.” Sollux glared and walked back to his chair, sitting down.

“He’s a fucking human KK. What the shit is he doing here.” I bared my teeth at this dipshit; he did nothing but rile my anger.

“Why don’t you tell me?! All I saw was a flash of blue light and BOOM no more John on Earth.” Sollux rolled his eyes.

“Figures you would be the illiterate one of the group.” He muttered. I growled and refused to grace his asinine retort with any other kind of response.

“Well, if your done having your pity-party, hear me out.” I glared at him, but didn’t say anything. I was curious about what he had to say…but there was no way in hell I would ever admit it.

“The transmaterializer is a combo machine; it has the same functions as a sendificator and an appearifyer. In our lab, we only have an appearifyer, but it was limited functions. When John was sitting on that platform, he was prime target for being sent to a different location if given the right circumstances. These circumstances, to put it simply for your feeble mind, would be the pressing of buttons. However, if the transmaterializer it put under harsh conditions, i.e. flames, it’s possible that it could have operated and sent John here.” I frowned. I didn’t thoroughly enjoy his little comment about my think-pan, but I let it slide.

“But with the functions of a sendificator, don’t you have to have a specific location punched into the machine so the object your sending doesn’t just...fly off to fuck-knows where?” Sollux frowned and sighed, turning back to his computer, bringing back his black coding screen.

“Yes, but in John’s case, he didn’t type up any location. And he couldn’t have known anything about Alternia, which leads me to conclude that the transmaterializer works in more ways than one. It could be so advanced as to be able to detect a location from the thought of a single individual with the closest proximity to the machine.” Sollux paused, looking at me expectantly. I frowned; looking back at john’s sleeping form. But John was the only person in that room, and Sollux was right that he couldn’t have known anything about Alternia to send him here. My brooding was interrupted by Sollux’s sigh of impatience.

“Really, KK, you are so thick sometimes.” I watched in silence as he pulled up the video screen again and replayed the last few seconds of footage. There was John, burning alive, and then; _“I want to go home!”_


	14. Desert Rose

KARKAT’S POV:

            I stared at the screen, eyes wide and mouth agape for what seemed like forever. Slowly, I caught Sollux’s uninterested gaze. He stared back at me, emotionless. John stirred in my arms and I quickly looked down at this…this amazing, wonderful boy. How in the hell and all that is fucking holy did he get here? How did he _manage_? Did he have some kind of subconscious thoughts about Alternia that none of us had ever accounted for before?

“Jegus, Kk, stop gaping like a fish. An idiot could’ve figured this out.” Sollux tsked at me and turned back to his coding. Growling in frustration, I snapped my teeth at the asshole, who did nothing but blatantly ignore me. He knew he was getting me riled up, and Gog DAMNIT did that make me fucking pissed as hell. I hated it when he pretended he was better than me, because I knew it was true. And I hated it when he was right.

“So what’s so important about this guy anyways? The last time you saw him was what? When you were three sweeps old? Hardly old enough to fill any quadrants…he your matesprite?” and then he went and did shit that irritated the royal fuck out of me. Like surprise me with an absurdly embarrassing question. I desperately fought the blush rising in my cheeks, and decided to look from the computer troll’s dichromatic eyes to John’s closed lids.

“Pfft. No. and you should mind your own fucking business fuckass!” I growled out between clenched teeth. Sollux was silent for a moment, leaving an awkward silence to fall between us before he sighed and turned back around, away from me.

“No need to get defensive about it, Kk. I don’t give two flying shits about your quadrants. Just thought I was entitled to a little information after giving all of my time to helping his cause.” Sollux’s voice led up in an innocent, light hearted banter; making the great and awful guilt rise into my throat like bile. I quickly through that idea out the flap chute and attempted to restrain myself from petting John’s messy dark hair.

“Glad to hear it. And fuck you. You and I both know you could care less about my pink-fleshed companion here. Quadrant filler or not. Like I said before, you wouldn’t be here if you were already getting something for it.” I grumbled, adjusting my spot on the grey cement floor. I heard a devilish chuckle come from the troll above and looked in surprise to find the lispy-freaks’ trademark grin spreading across his face. He looked at me over his shoulder, a dark expression in his blue-red eyes and jagged teeth.

“Oh Kk, if only you knew to the extent that being here is _such_ a fucking pleasure. Ha. I can hardly fucking _contain_ myself every time I see you walk through those dull, grey walls. You sick, _sick_ little fuck!” okay. Just. Keep calm. Don’t move. Don’t fucking say anything.

            Every time he spoke he made me want to plunge rusted daggers though my skull. Or his; both seemed gratifying outcomes. I wanted to just punch him in the fucking face and snap my teeth and scratch him with my claws and GOG. I fucking HATED that mother fucker! He made my mutant blood boil in my veins.

“ _I’m_ the sick little fuck?! You’re the one creeping the fuck on every breathing organism on Alternia, you shitty pervert. All you ever do with your pathetic excuse of an existence is sit around these computers doing your shitty programming and annoying the FUCK out of every troll that has ever come into contact with you. At least I have a fucking CHANCE at red romance, unlike a certain lispy, four-eyed, yellow-blood we all know and fucking HATE.” I growled out with menace and abhorrence dripping from my words. At the end of my rant, I was breathing heavier than usual, but upon looking into my hate-buddy’s face for some sort of reaction, I found much, much more than I was looking for. Sollux’s hands had stilled from the keyboard, but his fingers were trembling. The mustard-blood was staring down at his desk without seeing it; eyes wide and slightly…yellow? What? Was Sollux, the ice-king, lack of emotion, stoic-faced shit whole actually _crying_? Sollux clenched his hands into fists, turning so that his back was to me and I couldn’t see his face at all.

“That was a low blow Kk, even for you.” He said quieter than I’d ever heard him, voice void of emotion. It was then that I took into account what I’d said; and after looking into that, remembering what had transpired not half a sweep ago with a certain rust-blood and the mind-honey. I immediately regretted saying anything at all, and felt the repugnant guilt slide back up my burning throat.

“Shit Sollux. I…I didn’t mean-” but he cut me off, standing up and chuckling bitterly.

“No Kk, I’m sure you didn’t. Nobody ever does, but they do it anyway.” He sighed and reached for the ceiling, stretching his back to the likeness of one of those human cat-creatures I’d seen.  

“I’m going to go get something to eat. Have fun with your… _human_.” He spat out before walking briskly out of the room. Running a hand over my face, I groaned. This was turning into one of the shittiest days ever. Why couldn’t I keep my mouth fucking shut for once and not manage to royally fuckup literally _everything_?

            The bundle of blue and grey in my lap stirred slightly before sitting up, blue eyes lidded and watery with drowsiness. I sighed, smiling gently to this perfect impossibility before me. John closed his eyes and shot me back a toothy grin. I chuckled and stood up, reaching out my disgusting grey hand for his own, beautiful one.

“Let’s go home fuckass.”

#O#

JOHN’S POV:

_The world was spinning. At least, it felt like it was. There was a roar of wind and the fast-paced beating of my heart. I slowly came to a stop, just floating gently in the air. The pressure around my waist tightened considerably._

_“J-John. Bring me the fuck downright the FUCK NOW!!!” I looked down to find a trembling grey mass clinging onto me for dear life. Chuckling, I wrapped my arms around the grumpy troll and pressed my nose into his unruly dark hair._

_“I told you, I won’t let you fall; you don’t have to be afraid!” the boy just gripped me tighter, his claws digging into my skin._

_“I don’t give two flying shits, Egbert! Trolls are NOT meant to be floating around five million feet in the fucking air!” he looked down for a moment, his eyes widening before burying his face back in my tummy._

_“Please take me back to the ground.” His voice was muffled, but I could tell by the lack of volume that he really was scared. I smiled and gently patted his hair._

_“Okay, if you insist.” Wrapping my arms tighter around the candy-blooded matesprite of my dreams I dove for the ground, going as fast as I could possibly go._

_“AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JOHN EGBERT WHAT THE FUCK SLOW DOWN SLOW DOWN OH JEGUS FUCK DON’T KILL ME FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!” I couldn’t help but laugh; this was my favorite thing in the world. Being in the air, completely free, with the best person in the universe. Approaching the ground, I slowed and rooted my feet to the black dirt. My grey-skinned Knight-in-shinning-armor refused to let go._

_“Hey. Hey we’re back on Alternia! You can let go of me now!” There was a hesitation, and then a sigh of hot breath against my stomach._

_“I know.” When he kept his arms around me, I couldn’t help but smile-my heart fluttering in my chest at a million miles a minute._

_“Karkat…” I whispered into his hair, rubbing circles into his dark-clothed back. My grin widened as I heard his purr start up. Slowly, he unfolded his arms and stood up all the way, hands resting on my waist. Lifting his head, Karkat’s blood-red eyes stared into my own. He didn’t need to say any words. I knew what he was thinking. I felt my cheeks blush as I bent my head towards his, faces centimeters apart. His black lips twitch into a smirk._

_“John.” And as he pressed them to my own, I felt like my body was on fire. But not like when I’d been burning on Earth. This was completely different. The passion in my heart burned something fierce straight through me; a fire that could never, never be put out- as red and wonderful as the gleaming eyes of the boy I was kissing with all my might._

_Karkat._

            I awoke with a start, my breath caught in my throat and my lips feeling tingly. Smacking them together, I felt my cheeks heat. What was going on with my dreams lately? They’d all been so…vivid. I shuddered, looking around to gather where I was in the grogginess of sleep. Grey walls, pile of messy blankets and pillows, and the distinct sound of a sloppy, slushy splash to my left. I turned, spotting the giant recouperacon that housed my sleeping host. Karkat. I sighed, and remembering my dream, fell back into my collection of pillows.

            It had been about a week since Karkat and I went to the lab. Seeing that again…it was like re-living it. Terrifying. I shivered, wrapping the blankets tighter around my person. And every day since then I’d had another dream. It was like my dream-self was punishing me for my utter disability to tell Karkat what I felt about him. Every dream was similar; they all involved the bright, red-eyed Karkat and some sort of lovey-dovey thing. It was infuriating. He, of course, was completely oblivious to my general charm and wooing- the whole knight-in-shining-armor-thing Kanaya told me about definitely wasn’t working out.

“J-John…” I turned my head to find Karkat sitting up in his recouperacon, covered in slime and eyes groggy, but wide with fright. I quickly threw the blankets off me and strode over to his trembling mess. The grey-skinned boy’s eyes were filled with blood-red tears as his arms reached out for me. I had to stand on my tippy-toes to reach him over the pod he slept in, but I managed to wrap my arms around his slippery torso. Did I forget to mention that Karkat had not failed once to wake up from some horrifying nightmare night in the past week as well? It was the strangest thing; he almost always woke up right after I did, though our reasons for wakefulness were quite different…

“You okay?” I asked, gently petting his slimy, black hair. There was a choked sob and he just shook his head into the nook of my shoulder. Karkat’s red tears spilling over and falling onto my skin; it always made me feel helpless and heartbroken. He never told me what his dreams were about, and as soon as he would wake up again in the morning, acted as if the previous night’s endeavors of comfort had never happened.

“Karkat, it was just a nightmare. You’re fine now. Nothing’s going to hurt you.” My words did nothing if not make him cry harder. His sharp claws dug into the skin on my bare back making me wince, but I didn’t dare pull away. Not for a second.

            After a little while, his crying died down until he was silent. Neither of us pulled away from the slimy embrace, which honestly surprised me. We just stood there in silence for what seemed like forever. That is, until I felt my eyes begin to droop and my feet grow tired of stretching out for so long.

“Karkat, I have to go back to bed or I’m not going to be able to move in the morning.” I said through a yawn. After the nubby-horned troll of my dreams remained quiescent for a period of time without response, I began to move out of the embrace. But just before I’d made it completely out of Karkat’s grasp, I felt long, slippery fingers wrap around my wrist.

“Come sleep with me.” I froze in my tracks. I knew that my mind must have been tired, because there was no way in _hell_ I’d just heard that come out of his mouth. I cleared my throat, heart pounding in my chest so loud I was sure he’d be able to hear it.

“What?” I managed to squeak out. Karkat’s grip on my wrist got tighter as he gently tugged at it, pulling me closer to him.

“Just...for tonight. I don’t… I’m…I’m afraid.” He whispered almost inaudibly. I took one look at his frightened expression, staring off into space as if reliving his dream, and broke. Karkat looked back up at me, eyes wide and red-rimmed once again. Oh Gog. Not the puppy dog eyes! That was MY move!!!!! Looking away, I found myself gnawing at my bottom lip in thought.

“But…how am I going to sleep in all that goo? And aren’t you…” I gulped, my cheeks burning and for once I was so, _so_ glad it was dark in his room. “naked?” I heard a sloshing and, upon looking up, was once again besieged by the sight of Karkat’s round, grey ass in my face.

“Ah!” I squealed, slapping my hands over my eyes, cheeks on fire. Why did he keep on _doing_ that?! The sloshing was heard again and a clearing of a throat.

“Jeez, you big baby. I’m fully clothed now.” I cautiously lifted one hand from my eyes, and found that Karkat was, in fact, _not_ “fully clothed”, but he’d managed to put on a pair of dark green boxers with little red crabs sewn into them. I dropped my hands and stared at Karkat, who looked as tired as I felt. _Jegus he is too adorable_. I sighed, reaching my hands across to climb into the strange contraption.

            I gasped as the surprisingly warm slime touched my feet, ankles, and then my knees. Slowly, I sat down in the green substance, knees pulled up to my chest. Karkat gave me a weird look as I adjusted to the strange feeling. Less than half my body was submerged in the liquid, but from what I could feel…it wasn’t all that bad. The troll before me lifted his hands out of the slime, reaching towards me. I gingerly unfolded my legs and crawled over to the grey-skinned boy, allowing him to wrap his arms around me in a cocoon of warmth. The slime that sloshed over my body felt strangely soothing, and within seconds I was dosing off. But before I went under completely, I felt Karkat press a soft kiss to my forehead. And then I was out. 

KARKAT’S POV:

            I drowsily woke up to the feeling of another body moving around in my reacoupracon. I stiffened with fear in my groggy state before remembering the previous night’s endeavors and the fact that it was only John. Slowly my eyes opened to see John, mouth hanging open and a slight dribble of drool trickling down his chin. I smiled to myself in his sleep-mounted state. Why was John so fucking _precious?_ I lifted my hand out of the goo we were incased in to wipe the drool from his face, but succeeded only in smearing Sopor where the drool had been. I had to quickly cover my mouth to keep from laughing at his sorry state of sleep.

            John slowly came to his senses, eyes moving behind closed lids and strange faces being made in reaction to whatever it was he was seeing with those ocean-blue orbs of his. I wrapped my arms around his pale body and nuzzled my face into his neck. I didn’t care if he woke up and pushed me away out of disgust or shoved me in his “best bros” way; I just wanted to be close to him one more time in his oblivious mind where no words or weird looks could ever hurt me.

            I felt him shift in my arms and his breath quicken into wakefulness. Then, to my great surprise, I felt equally slimy and warm limbs wrap around my own grey-skinned shell of horrid flesh and pull me closer to him. I gulped eyes wide open. Our bare chests were flush against each other, and I swore if my heart was beating any faster it would burst right out of my chest.

“Mmmmmmmmorning Karkat!” John’s voice was chipper and smooth as his arms squeezed around my middle. I shook my head and growled as I sat up, removing myself from his firm grasp. I put on my best morning-grump face to hide the fact that I was still more than a little overwhelmed by John’s response to my… _cuddling_ with him. I shuddered and stretched my arms high above my head, arching my back into a much needed, drawn-out yawn.

“Yeah. I wish. Now get up I have to shower.” I might’ve seen a flash of hurt cross his face for a moment, but I let it slide. _It’s better this way._  John slowly sat up, putting his weight on his elbows and bringing his legs to his chest. He looked up at me from where I stood eyes wide and questioning.

“This enough room for ya?” I quickly looked away from his slime-covered body. It was strangely…attractive. I gulped and nodded my head before stepping out of my reacouperacon and heading to take a shower. This was getting to be too much to handle.

#O#

 _“Be my friend”_ I scrubbed the cleansing soap through my mass of goo-covered hair as I thought about the dream I’d had again last night.

 _“Hold me. Wrap me up~”_ Ever since I’d taken John to the lab, over a week ago, I’d had the same, reoccurring nightmare. It was always the same, always left me more terrified than I can think, and I always woke up to John, arms open wide.

 _“Unfoooold me~ I am small”_ When I was dreaming, it all felt so real. Every slash and cut bled and I felt pain. Every scream I made burned my throat. But when I woke up, all I could remember were the pain and the flames. And my wrists felt like they were cuffed together with burning iron. I don’t know why I was always in so much pain in my dreams; I just remember being utterly terrified, with the worst kind of grief and sorrow burned deeply in the pit of my chest.

 _“And needy~”_ I closed my eyes as the hot, steamy water washed over my body, rinsing it clean of the goopy mess.

 _“Warm me up~”_ As the water relaxed my muscles I rolled my shoulders to relieve any tension in my back, letting my arms hang loose like limp noodles. Singing the haunting melody of Troll Sia helped to calm my inner turmoil and prevented me from thinking too much about last night’s particularly terrifying ordeal.

 _“And breeeeeeathe me~”_ There was the sound of a door opening and I immediately froze in the shower, eyes wide.

“Uh…Karkat?” oh shit. Oh shit. He hadn’t…heard me had he? Gog, I was terrible shower singing is the only singing and it’s shitty and jesgus if he found out he’d cull me on the spot to rid his ears of the terrible noise.

“What the fuck do you want John! Can you not see I am under the abolution trap cleansing my body of the fowl liquid we both slept in?!” I cringed. My words didn’t really help my situation at all. John was silent for a moment before I heard a scuffling on the tile floor.

“Yea, well, I'm covered in aforementioned goo as well. So I was wondering if I could hop in when you were done.” He sounded agitated as he paced around my bathroom. Why did I always have to be such an asshole? Why couldn’t this be easy like it is for everybody else?

“Yeah. Sure. I’m…almost done anyways.” I sighed, rinsing off the rest of my body and turning off the water. I pulled back the shower curtain and peaked my head through to find John standing in the middle of my bathroom, arms folded over his bare, slime-covered chest clad in only his boxers and the glasses on his face.  I fought to hide the heat creeping up my cheeks in reaction to his scantily clothed body and looked around for any kind of towel. And, of course, the only towel in sight was behind John on the other side of the room.

“Could you pass me the towel?” The goo covered boy reached behind him for the towel before throwing it in my direction. I just managed to catch it without letting go of the shower curtain and having John see me in all my naked glory. _Not that there wasn’t much he’d already seen…_ I thought bitterly to myself as I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked out. I showed John the ropes of the abolution trap and was about to walk out of the bathroom before he stopped me.

“Hey, could you stay in here? I want to talk.” I gulped. He sounded serious. And John was almost never overly serious about anything without being happy or giddy about it.

“Only if you promise not check out this choice ass while I dry off and get changed.” I heard john make a strangled noise and the dull thud of the soap bar falling to the ground and smirked in response.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Karkat.” He said, voice slightly strained. I chuckled; at least I did one good thing to lighten the mood. 

            I started to dry off my body as John began to speak; “So I know that this is all, like, really impossible. And I don’t know how I got here… but I’d like to try and become more…Alternian, I guess? I want to meet other people and make new friends and stuff. I mean, it’s not like I ever got to do shit like that on Earth. I just had my best bro, Dave…” John trailed off after that, and I put on my pants in silence. So he wanted to make new friends? I frowned and pulled my arms through the sleeves of my favorite turtle neck sweater. Where would that leave me?

“Well I can’t really say I’m all that much of a fucking social butterfly, I mean, I really don’t hang out with people at all…I’m not really a people-person.” I said quietly, hoping he secretly wouldn’t hear me and just continue on his own conversation like he sometimes does.  John didn’t say anything for a little while, and I was afraid I’d made him angry until he turned off the water and poked his head out from behind the curtain.

“Could we go visit Terezi? Just like the good old days when the three of us would hang out together?”  I was going to say no. no because Terezi would just end up telling John about a million embarrassing things about me and she’d lick him to oblivion, trying to guess his favorite color or some shit. But the look in John’s eyes of hope and…renewal; like he had something again, a new life, a fresh start- it was something I’d always wish I could have and I envied him that he got this chance. So there I was, nodding my head and relishing in the buck-toothed grin of ecstatic glee that he gave me in response and I thought, _hey. Maybe I don’t fuck up as much as I thought._

“Hey Karkat…I need a towel.”


End file.
